Afterwards
by Merula
Summary: Heero'sPOV. AU, OOC, 1x2. Takes place right after EW.
1. Leaving

Disclaimer: I do not own Gundam Wing. Yes, I played merry hell with the end EW. Just go with it. There is more to this, but I might just leave it as a one-shot.  
  
Impossible as it is to believe, I wanted him from the first moment I saw him. As he stood on the bow of that submarine, scolding me for trying to kill Relena, I looked and wanted him. Otherwise, I would've just shot the both of them and got the hell out of there. The Perfect Soldier half of me was furious that I had let myself become so distracted.  
  
Of course, at the time, the rest of me was beyond annoyed too. Why was he sticking up for that silly girl?  
  
I was happy when he showed up at the hospital, even though I shouldn't have been. I knew he was there to get the other gundam pilot, not out of any particular concern for me. No one cared for me. The Perfect Soldier almost won that round. No reason to stay alive after a failed mission, right? Especially not for some lovely braided idiot who apparently really liked to blow things up.  
  
Now I know better of course. Duo isn't an idiot. He didn't come to the hospital just for the other gundam pilot. Duo does care- about everyone and everything. He also has a sense of honor and justice. He put me in that danger, so he got me out of it. He's just that kind of person. It's one of the things that I love about him.  
  
Why didn't I do something? Say something? Are you kidding me? Not only were we in the middle of a war, but also J would've had a fit. Soldiers do NOT get distracted in the middle of a war- there's time for that afterwards- if you make it. Which I nearly didn't. Sometimes I wish I hadn't managed to pull up and out of the Earth's gravity in time. Things would've been a lot easier.  
  
We all made it to the end, but he left with Hilde. It wasn't a surprise. I had figured by then that I never had a chance anyway. Duo was obviously into girls, not guys. That realization didn't make me hurt any less, or make me stop wanting him. Sometimes I wondered if anything could. Believe me, I tried. I know how stupid it is to pine after something that you can't ever have. But I couldn't help it, no matter what I did.  
  
I roamed around for awhile after the first war, trying to find a place for me, but then Relena got herself in trouble again.  
  
Relena is a sweetheart and I am fond of her- but she has no common sense whatsoever. None. As much as I admire and fight for her ideals, let's face it- she's a bit too idealistic. It drives me insane sometimes. Maybe it was J's training- maybe it was Odin's, but I still see fighting for what you believe in as an option. Not the optimal one perhaps, but then I was created to fight.  
  
I still went to rescue our 'princess' anyway. It was the right thing to do. Relena was the key to peace, and I had lost a hell of a lot to the fight for her peace. I wasn't going to let it all go without a struggle. Besides, I got to see all the pilots again.  
  
After all that mess was over, I woke up in the hospital, with Relena hanging all over me. Luckily, Duo and Trowa were there as well, for which I was very grateful.  
  
Especially since Relena launched into one of her little fits of rapture the moment I opened my eyes, which frankly I wasn't up for at all. I don't have a lot of patience and at that moment, I had none. I hate hospitals. I hate being in them, and I hate being fussed over. Poor Relena was an easy target.  
  
"Oh Heero, thank goodness you're awake! We thought we'd never get you out of there! I've been so worried, I thought you were going to..."  
  
"Relena," I cut her off a bit sharply. "My head is pounding, could you please stop chattering?" She stopped, and looked a bit upset. Apparently the knight isn't supposed to tell the princess to shut up- even in a polite way. I looked towards Duo and Trowa so I wouldn't have to see the hurt in Relena's eyes. Duo's eyes were wide with surprise, but Trowa's were amused. "How are the others?" I asked them.  
  
"They're fine," Trowa answered in his honey smooth voice, a relief after Relena's higher pitch. "Quatre is working with Une to secure a deal for Wufei." He added a bit hesitantly, obviously unsure of my response.  
  
"Good," I replied. Duo grinned at me.  
  
"I thought you'd want to hunt him down," he remarked with a lift of his eyebrows.  
  
"No," I replied calmly, as I levered myself up. I ran an internal check- everything seemed to be healing nicely.  
  
"Heero!" Relena began her hover again. "You can't just sit up, you've been injured! You need to stay down until.." I wished with all my heart for a gag. Or duck tape. Or anything to make her shut up. "You need your rest! Don't worry! I'll be here..."  
  
"Relena," I snapped again. "You're giving me a headache! Be quiet!" This time those big blue eyes filled with tears. Ah gods. I hate when she does this. Luckily, Duo came to my rescue.  
  
"Hey Miss Relena, don't be upset," he stepped towards her and patted her shoulder comfortingly. "Heero is an awful patient- as I know from experience." He gave her one of those beautiful smiles and she stopped sniffling. "Why don't you go home and we'll call you when he's less grumpy?" I frowned at him, but he ignored me.  
  
"Promise, Duo?" She asked, turning those big blue eyes on him. Duo has always been a sucker for a damsel in distress and Relena knows it. And uses it to her advantage frequently. The girl is a born politician.  
  
"Of course," he nodded agreeably. Relena got to her feet, and for an awful moment I thought she was going to lean down and kiss me. Instead, she just touched my hand with a wistful look and left the room. I sighed in relief when the door closed behind her. "You weren't very nice to her, Heero." Duo looked at me reproachfully.  
  
"Was I supposed to be?" I growled back. I hated hearing him defend her. Almost as much as I had hated listening to his admiring comments about her during the war. At least he had had brains enough to hook up with Hilde, nice, sensible girl that she was. You wouldn't catch Hilde driving a pink car.  
  
"You are supposed to be nice to the girl you love," he scolded. "Don't you know that?"  
  
"Great. When I fall in love with a girl, I'll be nice to her." Duo blinked and looked surprised. I continued, not wanting to go into that subject at that moment. "How long am I supposed to be in here for?" Trowa stepped forward a bit, and I saw that his grin had widened.  
  
"Days, the doctors said. Of course, you weren't supposed to wake up this quickly either."  
  
"Hn."  
  
"I'll go find a doctor to look at you," he added. "Duo, make sure he stays in bed til I get back." Trowa left and Duo sat down in the chair Relena had abandoned. He was quiet, and I was amazed. After a moment, I frowned at him.  
  
"Why aren't you talking, baka?"  
  
"I didn't want to make your headache worse," he said easily.  
  
"Your voice doesn't bother me," I told him truthfully enough, "but you sitting there quietly does. It's unnatural." He grinned.  
  
"Were you serious, a moment ago?" He asked, curiosity obviously aroused. I knew it would be. He's worse than any cat.  
  
"About Relena?" He nodded, braid bouncing. "Of course. She's a nice girl and important to this world, but I don't care for her that way."  
  
"Really?" His eyebrows shot upwards.  
  
"Yes, idiot. If I did love her I wouldn't have left her after the first war." He smiled.  
  
"Not the kind of guy to leave the one you love behind?" Duo teased, not realizing how much his words stung me. I had left the one I loved behind.  
"Not if they love me back. If they loved someone else, then I'd have to leave them behind." I said thoughtlessly. A stupid move on my part. His gaze turned speculative.  
  
"Personal experience talking there pal?" Damn, sometimes he sees me a bit too clearly.  
  
"Obviously," I snapped back.  
  
"Want to talk about it?"  
  
"No." Not ever. Not with you! I added mentally.  
  
"Hopeless case, huh?" Duo was looking at me with a trace of pity in his expression. I didn't want it. Why had I let my mouth run away with me? Good gods, I was getting as bad as he was. I fell back on the familiar.  
  
"Hn." He leaned back in his chair.  
  
"Is it that girl Sylvia? Or Dorothy? Maybe Catherine?" His voice had turned wheedling and I knew he wasn't going to stop. "I know, it's some gorgeous babe you met on a mission somewhere. Your eyes met across a crowded classroom- or maybe at a dance. I'll bet she's a leggy redhead. Or maybe it's one of Quatre's gorgeous siblings?" He raised his eyebrows questioningly. "Or do you prefer older women? Like Sally or Noin?" His eyes narrowed a bit. "Or is it Hilde?" Oh great. I so did not need this!  
  
"Idiot. Who said it was a girl?" That made him close his mouth. Finally! I nearly laughed at the shocked expression on his face, before realizing that telling him that might not have been the best of ideas. What the hell was wrong with me today? Why couldn't I just ignore him?  
Thankfully, at that moment, Trowa came in with the doctor. Duo moved out of the way automatically, still looking stunned. I had actually managed to shock my unshockable friend. I nearly laughed out loud.  
  
The doctor checked me over and I could see his amazement. "No one can heal this fast."  
  
"I can," I informed him briskly. "Can I go now?"  
  
"I guess so- but how is this possible?"  
  
"I've always been a fast healer," I answered shortly, not willing to explain about the nanites J had installed me with. The doctor gave in and went to get my release papers started. Duo, of course, could not drop the subject.  
  
"You're gay?" He burst out with that question the moment the doctor left the room. Trowa's eyes widened and he blinked at Duo, before he realized that Duo was talking to me.  
  
"Amazing deduction," I said dryly as I got up from the bed and headed towards the bathroom with my clothes. I got dressed quickly, door ajar and listened to Duo tell Trowa about his conversation with me.  
  
"And you're surprised by this?" Trowa drawled when Duo had finished. I opened the door all the way at that moment and had to laugh at the expression on Duo's face.  
  
"You knew?!" Duo managed to get out.  
  
"As you would say, Maxwell- duh." Trowa turned to face me. "Are you ready to go, Heero?"  
  
"How come you knew?" Duo had pushed himself away from the wall and I had to stop laughing at the hurt expression on his face as he turned to me. "You told him and not me?"  
  
"Duo." I shook my head at him. "You know better than that." I looked at our green-eyed partner. "Quatre told you?"  
  
"Yes," Trowa replied calmly as he handed me my jacket. The nurse came in at that moment and I quickly signed the release papers and growled at her when she suggested a wheelchair.  
  
"Where are you headed, Heero?" Trowa changed the subject as we left the room, Duo trailing in our wake, muttering under his breath about friends that never told him anything important. At least the hurt look was off his face. Quatre was everyone's confidant, even Wufei's.  
  
"Don't know," I replied truthfully.  
  
"You can come stay with Quatre and I," Trowa offered.  
  
"Thanks Trowa, but I'll manage."  
  
"You could come stay with me," Duo hit the elevator button and grinned at me. "We can always use a hand in the salvage yard."  
  
"Shouldn't you ask Hilde before you make an offer like that?" I rolled my eyes at him as we got in the elevator.  
  
"No. Why?"  
  
"And he says I'm clueless about girls?" I asked Trowa. Trowa chuckled and Duo frowned.  
  
"Hilde wouldn't mind." Duo put an arm around my shoulders briefly. "Any friend of mine is a friend of hers." I smiled and shook my head.  
  
"Thanks anyway, Duo, but no."  
  
"Why not?" We got out of the elevator and headed towards the hospital doors. "You said yourself you don't know where you're going. You can move in with us and have a job at the salvage yard. It would be something, right?" I stopped when we reached the sidewalk and smiled at Duo. He grinned at me and I gazed at him for a moment, memorizing the way he looked right then. The sun was shining down on his hair, making it glint with red and gold. His violet eyes were wide and crinkled at the corners, his mouth curved in that smile of his. He was simply gorgeous.  
  
I was tempted to take him up on his offer- to see him everyday would be wonderful. But, he belonged to someone else. Someone as nice and lovely as he himself was. Duo hadn't been kidding when he said Hilde would welcome me- she would. She was as kind and loving as Duo was. They were perfect for each other.  
  
I couldn't live around that. No way in hell. I smiled back at him apologetically.  
  
"I appreciate it, Duo, I really do. But I can't." I turned to Trowa and offered him my hand. "See you around."  
  
"I hope so, Heero." Trowa took my hand and squeezed it gently. "You know you always have a place with us when you want it."  
"Thank you. Tell Wufei and Quatre goodbye for me?"  
  
"Of course." Duo was bouncing on the balls of his feet as I turned to him.  
  
"Good-bye Duo," I offered him my hand and he hauled me into a bone- crushing hug.  
  
"Why won't you stay, Heero?" He whispered in my ear.  
  
"I just can't." I let him go and gave him a smile. Then I turned around and walked down the street, not looking back. I should've known better. A few moments later, feet came pounding down the sidewalk after me. Duo does not give up easily.  
  
"Heero," Duo caught up and reached out a hand to stop me. "I left Trowa back there. He won't know if you come stay with me." Huh? What was Duo thinking now?  
  
"Duo, what does it matter if Trowa knows where I am?" I raised an eyebrow at him.  
  
"Because it's Quatre you're in love with. That's why he knew you were gay- right?" I blinked at him and then burst into laughter. Second time today. Duo has that effect on me.  
  
"No," I managed when I got my voice back. "I'm not in love with Quatre- or Trowa," I added, seeing him open his mouth again. "Quatre knows because of his space heart. He asked me about it ages ago- at the end of the last war." I started walking again and he paced beside me. "It's impossible to hide anything like that from Quatre."  
  
"Ah," Duo frowned and I started to get worried. With my luck he'd guess and that was the last thing I wanted to happen. I needed to lose him- fast. I glanced around. There was a large outdoor mall a street or so away. The best place to lose someone was in a crowd.  
  
"Then who is it?" He asked me quietly.  
  
"Just drop it Duo." I snapped.  
  
"But I want to help you," he persisted.  
  
"And you knowing who I'm in love with will help me?" I stopped again and looked him in the eye. "You can't help me Duo. Not with this." He looked straight back at me.  
  
"Why not? Have you told him?"  
"I told you- he's in love with somebody else."  
"So it's hopeless?"  
"Completely so."  
  
"Then maybe you should try to get over whoever-this-is and find someone else."  
  
"That's what I'm trying to do," I said exasperatedly and started walking again. The sidewalks were getting more crowded. "So just let me go do it, okay?"  
  
"Maybe I could help you find someone else- I know lots of nice guys..." Duo suggested and I felt like screaming. Have Duo help me find someone else? No, no, no!! "Heero, please, you're my best friend! Let me help you. I don't want you disappearing again. Hilde and I would love to have you stay with us..." I took his arm and yanked him over to the side, next to a big column in front of a department store. I tried glaring at him, but he just glared stubbornly back. He wasn't going to give up. Damn it!  
  
"Duo." I was resorting to begging at this point. Pathetic. "Stop. Please. You can't help me, okay? No one can help me but me. I promise I won't disappear on you- I'll send you e-mail or something. You'll always be my friend- you know that."  
  
"Why can't you let me help you? If I am your friend you should be able to trust me with this." He looked at me pleadingly. I couldn't do this. Duo wasn't going to give up- I could see it in his eyes. He was looking at me steadily, seriously and I knew he was going to track me down to the ends of the Earth if necessary trying to 'help' me. I loved him more than ever at that moment- and knew that he was going to hate me in the next.  
  
"Because, baka, you're the one I'm trying to get over!" His eyes widened and he looked completely shocked. Second time today. I had reached a new record. At least he didn't try to kill me. He just stood there blinking at me, completely dumbfounded.  
  
I took advantage of his state and headed into the crowd, vanishing the best way I knew how, cursing at myself all the while. What the hell had happened to me? Why did my Perfect Soldier mask slip so badly?  
  
I knew why. Duo had happened.  
And now I had lost even his friendship. 


	2. Returning

Disclaimer: Gundam Wing is not mine. For those 2 of you who asked for more, here it is. Everyone else who liked it as a one shot- you don't have to keep reading. (Honest- my feelings will only be hurt a little bit...)  
  
It was about eight months later that I got tired of wandering and found work at a small video game developer. It let me use my knowledge of computers in a way that had very little to do with my wartime activities. Not completely- let's face it, most video games are fighting based, and I knew more than enough about that! More than once I got into debates over 'realism' in the games I helped design. It was a small firm like I said, and for the most part I got along with my co-workers.  
  
I got myself a small house by the ocean and spent my free time catching up with the world. It's what I had started to do last time, before Relena got herself kidnapped. I was financially secure- thanks to J, and my job was challenging without being too demanding. I had plenty of time to get up to pace with the things I should've been learning earlier. I watched movies, read books, did all the things that I had never had the free time to do when I was the 'Perfect Soldier'.  
  
It was hard to leave the 'Perfect Soldier' part of me behind, and after awhile I realized that I never would. He would always be a part of me, but he didn't have to be the only part. Things got- easier- when I stopped trying to abandon that part of me.  
  
I got myself a dog. My house was too empty, tiny as it was, with just me in it. Valkyrie was a mutt- a samoyed-lab mix with a nice white coat and big brown eyes. She was perfect company- someone who loved me unconditionally even when I ignored her for my computer.  
  
I let my hair grow longer, down to my shoulders, and kept in back neatly in a ponytail most days. I never tied it up without thinking of Wufei and Duo. Maybe that's why I grew it out- as a reminder. I wondered why Duo had grown his, and wondered if it was for a similar reason.  
  
I changed my name. Heero Yuy was only a code name after all, and I thought something different would be more appropriate. Time changed me as well. I finally got a bit taller, my shoulders broadened more. I spent a lot of time on the beach, so my skin turned a dark shade of gold and my hair got light streaked. Anyone that had known Heero Yuy well would recognize me, but those who had only seen the grainy news footage of pilot 01 wouldn't.  
  
Life was calm and peaceful and I enjoyed it. It wasn't everything I wanted, but I knew better than to hope for that. I had a home, a dog, a job, and some people I could call friends- though not close ones. I told myself that it was enough, and I believed it.  
  
Sometimes at night though, the silence would get to me and I have to go sit outside on my porch. I'd look up to where L2 hung in the sky, out of my reach.  
  
I didn't contact the others, despite my promise to Duo. I didn't think he'd want to hear from me and I didn't want to force the others to choose between us.  
  
I had been living peacefully in my new life for over a year when one Sunday I opened up my news file and saw a picture of Quatre. Mr. Winner, head of WEI, former gundam pilot, was in the news all the time. It wasn't unusual to see his picture in my news reports. This time however the story was disturbing. Apparently someone had tried to kill him. He was fine, uninjured and all that, but it was enough to make me take some action.  
  
I didn't want to show up on his doorstep, (Quatre hated being hovered over more than I did). Still I needed to know that he was really okay. One phone call couldn't hurt. I didn't even have to talk to him- whoever answered the phone could tell me what I needed to know. I went to my vidphone, engaged my scrambler, and called his private line.  
  
Rashid answered with a frown that lightened when he saw me. "Heero? Is that you? It has been ages! How are you?" I shook my hair out of my eyes and smiled for him.  
  
"I'm well, Rashid. How is Quatre? The news this morning was disturbing." Rashid frowned again.  
  
"He is safe- for the moment. We have put extra measures in place and some of the Preventers have shown up as well."  
  
"That's good." I leaned forward slightly. "Any idea who?"  
  
"Nothing yet." Rashid's frown deepened. We were both silent for a moment, before I spoke again. Rashid had said 'safe', not 'well'. It would be like Quatre to put out false news reports. He'd done it before. (1)  
  
"He's really all right?" Rashid gave me an understanding smile.  
  
"He is upset and furious of course, and unhappy with the increase in security, but physically, he is fine. If you will wait a moment, I will get Master Quatre for you and you can see for yourself."  
  
"I trust your word," I told Rashid. "I don't wish to disturb him. I know how busy he is." The maguanac leader frowned at me.  
  
"He is never too busy for his friends. You will hold." It wasn't a question. Despite my better instincts, I stayed on the line. It had been so long since I had actually spoken to any of my old friends. The old Heero would've hung up, but I found that I didn't want to. The screen went to a holding pattern and a few moments later, Trowa was looking at me with a faint smile.  
  
"I thought we'd be hearing from you."  
  
"Of course," I smiled back. "He's okay?"  
  
"He's fine. I'm the nervous wreck." Trowa's smile widened a bit. "You look good Heero- I like the ponytail." I laughed, relieved at his tone.  
  
"You're looking good too Trowa. Aren't you ever going to get tired of all that hair in your face though?"  
  
"Like you should talk." Trowa raised his visible eyebrow at me. "Quatre's on a long-distance call, he'll be here in a moment."  
  
"It's no problem," I assured him, "I just wanted to make sure he was all right."  
  
"And he wants to make sure you are. It's been over two years since we've heard from you, Heero. Does it always take something drastic to make you call?" I laughed again.  
  
"I guess it does. That's not good, is it?" Trowa's tone turned scolding:  
  
"No it's not. We've been worried about you. What have you been doing?"  
  
"Found a place to settle down, got a job," Valkyrie put her head in my lap. I looked down at her and grinned. "Got a dog. I'll come feed you in a minute girl, go sit."  
  
"A dog?" I tilted the camera down so Trowa could get a look at Valkyrie. "She's lovely." I put the camera back in place. "Though it's kind of odd to see you with a dog, Heero."  
  
"She's company," I patted the beautiful head on my leg. When I looked back up, Trowa was gazing at me understandingly. Then his gaze moved up over the top of the screen.  
  
"Quatre's here," he said quietly and moved to the side. Quatre's face appeared on the screen.  
  
"Heero!" Quatre gave me one of his bright smiles. "We've missed you! How are you? You look great."  
  
"I've missed you too," I smiled back. "I'm fine and I've been told twice that you're okay, so I won't ask again." He grinned.  
  
"I'm perfectly fine."  
  
"Trowa said you increased your security?" Quatre rolled his eyes.  
  
"Not that I needed to, but yes." I heard Trowa cough and Quatre gave him a brief glare. "We've increased the number of people on at a time and the Preventers sent me two watchdogs as well." He leaned close to the screen. "In all honesty, I feel like screaming."  
  
"Poor Quatre," I teased. "At least the 'perfect soldier' didn't show up too. I just called."  
  
"You would've been more than welcome," he told me quickly, his eyes meeting mine.  
  
"I know. But I also know how much you dislike hovering. I figured Trowa had it covered." I answered lightly.  
  
"That's for sure!"  
  
"Hey!" A moment of playful wrestling occurred on the other end of the phone. I cleared my throat.  
  
"I'm glad to see things are still going well over there." I said meaningfully. Quatre blushed while Trowa laughed.  
  
"Ah, you know us, Heero."  
  
Val chose that moment to whine and I looked over at her where she was curled up on the couch. "I'll be there in a minute, love, be patient." I looked back up and saw that Quatre was looking at me in shock.  
  
"Heero has a dog," Trowa explained and Quatre grinned.  
  
"Ah, I see."  
  
"She's getting a bit fussy," I explained. "I should go feed her."  
  
"Then we'll let you go," Quatre paused and then asked quietly: "I don't suppose you'll give us your number?"  
  
"You mean you don't have it?" I raised my eyebrows at him. We had been on the phone long enough for him to find a way around my scrambler.  
  
"You're unlisted. You haven't registered anywhere in the Earth Sphere under your real name or in any of the aliases I've known you to use." He smiled sheepishly. "And whatever system you're using is blocking my attempts to discover where you are calling from right now."  
  
"I'm glad it works." I looked closely at him. "You've been looking for me? Did something happen?"  
  
"Of course we've been looking for you, idiot." His smile vanished and his expression turned serious. "You're our friend- remember? Even if you do only call when one of us is in danger, we still consider you one of our 'nearest and dearest'." I didn't know quite what to say to that. So I went for honesty.  
  
"I have missed you." I got another one of those meaningful looks.  
  
"We've missed you too." He looked up over the top of his screen, his smile widening into a smirk. "I'd hand over that number, Yuy or else," he whispered and I raised my eyebrows. What was going on?  
"Or else what?"  
  
"Your assistant is looking for you Quatre." I heard a very familiar voice say.  
  
"Thanks Duo," Quatre gave me a mischievous smirk. "Just let me finish up with Heero and I'll be right there." I frowned at him as he smirked back. I saw Duo appear over Quatre's shoulder. He was in a Preventers uniform and I realized Une must've roped him in to watch Quatre. He looked wonderful. His eyes widened as he looked at the screen.  
  
"Heero?" His voice was tentative.  
  
"Duo. Keeping an eye on Quatre?"  
  
"I'm trying." The grin he gave me was faint and I wished with all my heart that I had never told him anything. Then the smile was gone and he was focused intently on me. "Where are you?"  
  
"Home," I answered shortly and heard Quatre snort.  
  
"That's not informative. Where's home?" Duo frowned.  
  
"I'm trying to get Heero to give us his number." Quatre interjected helpfully.  
  
"Why won't you give us the number Heero?" Duo's eyes narrowed and I recognized the look. It was the do what I say or Shinigami will kick your ass look. Quatre was still smirking. I knew when I was beaten.  
  
"I never said I wouldn't give it," I replied quickly. "I just didn't think Quatre needed me to give it to him. His systems have to be more advanced than mine."  
  
"Nope, you've got me blocked," the blond smiled cheerfully waving a pen at the screen. "So- number?" I rattled off my number quickly.  
  
"Satisfied?" I asked when I finished.  
  
"Yes," Quatre replied.  
  
"No," Duo answered at the same moment, eyes still narrowed. "Where the hell have you been Yuy?" Before I could answer, all three of them looked up. Quatre's assistant had come to the door.  
  
"Sounds like you have to go. I'll call later. Try not to get killed in the meantime?" I focused on Quatre.  
  
"I'll try not to," he replied.  
  
"Hn," I snorted at him and hung up. I got up from the phone and went to join Val on the sofa. She curled up with me uncomplainingly, despite it being past her breakfast time. I put my head against hers. Gods I had missed him. I thought I was forgetting him, putting it behind me, but just that brief glimpse was enough to make my heart ache again.  
  
I got up after a few moments and fed Val. Then I went through my normal Sunday routine, cleaned my little house, did the laundry, worked out, tended to the garden. I tried to regain some of my peace. It was late afternoon and Val and I had curled back up on the sofa when the phone buzzed at me. I glanced at it and wondered if I should answer it. It might be Quatre again, or it might be my boss with another car problem. Sometimes I think she hired me because I proved, on the same day of my interview, that I could also fix cars.  
  
I sat down in front of the phone and hit the button. To my infinite surprise, it was Wufei.  
  
"Chang?"  
  
"Yuy." He looked tired. "I have a favor to ask."  
  
"What is it?"  
  
"It happened again."  
  
"What?"  
  
"Check your news. They tried again."  
  
"Quatre?"  
  
"He's fine. No one got hurt. But I don't feel comfortable leaving him here. Whoever it is, they know all the Winner houses."  
  
"An employee?"  
  
"Maybe. We don't know. How safe is your place?"  
  
"Very," I smiled slightly. "But Wufei, I don't have the space to take in Quatre and all the magunancs." I picked up the camera and swung it so that he could see that my house was really just one big room. The bathroom and laundry were sectioned off but my kitchen, bedroom and living area were all just one large room.  
  
"Hm," Wufei sighed. "Looks like you could fit Quatre and that'd be it."  
  
"I wouldn't mind, but it wouldn't be the ideal situation."  
  
"It might if they don't figure out that he's left to go with you."  
  
"Bait and switch?" I tapped my fingers thoughtfully. "That might work. My job is flexible- I could easily stay home with him."  
  
"I don't want to impose on you that much Yuy. I could send one other guard with him. They could sleep on your floor. If that's okay with you?"  
  
"I don't mind. Which house is he at now?"  
  
"243niner," Wufei told me in our old code. Well, that was convenient.  
  
"I could be there in about two hours," I told him. "It's not that long a drive."  
  
"You're that close?!" He looked startled.  
  
"Winner has houses everywhere, Chang. Like there was anyplace on Earth or the colonies I could go and not be near one."  
  
"All right, Yuy. So, we can expect you soon?"  
  
"Two hours," I told him and went to get my keys. Val followed me out. She loves riding in the car and I wasn't going to say no to her. Besides, she's had her own special training- she might be useful.  
  
I tuned the station in my jeep to the news. Sure enough, the second attempt was all over the airwaves. A car bomb this time- but it had exploded too early. No one had been injured in the explosion. They interviewed both Lady Une and Rashid, and I was amused listening to the stern Maguanac assure the reporter that no one was going to kill Quatre while he was around.  
  
(1) In the awful GW manga Quatre fakes his death. 


	3. Protecting

Disclaimer: Gundam Wing is not mine. Many thanks to the people who reviewed and wanted more. Again- this chapter is for you.  
  
I got to Quatre's current residence in a little under two hours. The front gate was surrounded by reporters. I pulled my jeep off to a side road and left Val with the car.  
  
"Guard," I told her shortly and headed towards the estate. I was tempted to try and sneak in, but I didn't want to risk getting shot by the well-meaning Preventers guarding the place. No doubt my old friends had been training the guards and I would have a tough time getting by them. Not worth the risk.  
  
I went to the smaller back gate that the pilots had used once or twice and buzzed the house.  
  
"Yes?" Abdul's voice answered me.  
  
"It's Yuy." He was at the gate a moment later, ushering me in. We walked by numerous people in Preventers uniforms patrolling the estate. I got a few curious glances, but most of them were focused on their work. They had been trained well.  
  
Abdul took me in to a small room near the kitchen where they were keeping Quatre. I remember it from the war as our planning room. It was windowless and practically airless. Quatre was sitting in an uncomfortable looking chair, listening to Une with a tired expression. He looked up at me and jumped from his chair.  
  
"Heero!" He greeted me like the savior of the world and I wondered how long he'd been in this room. Quatre hated being confined in one place.  
  
"Quatre," I replied, returning his hug. "Are you ready to go?"  
  
"More than ready." He grinned at me.  
  
"How safe is your place, Yuy?" Une asked me sharply. I nodded over to the corner where a Preventers agent was bent over a table with a bunch of familiar equipment on it.  
  
"Well, despite having the phone number, have you found it yet?" Une gave me a small smile.  
  
"No. You've hidden very well."  
  
"Thank you." I smiled back at her. "It's safe enough. No one can approach it without being seen and I have several alarm systems. He'll be as safe as I can make him."  
  
"That sounds good to me," Quatre piped up, tiredly.  
  
"Chang said that you would allow one of our agents to go along?" Une continued, ignoring Quatre.  
  
"Yes, that's fine." She turned to the guy in the corner.  
  
"Go get Agent Maxwell." Oh gods no! I almost protested, but stopped myself. How could I explain that Duo was NOT the best person to send? He was of course. It was hard to sneak by our stealth infiltrator. But why not Fei? Or even Dorothy? She could just intimidate the assassin to death. Trowa walked in the door as the Preventer dashed out. He stepped aside easily and headed towards his lover.  
  
"I packed you a bag," he said and handed it to Quatre. Then he looked at me, eyes questioning. I stepped closer.  
  
"I'll keep a close eye on him Trowa, I swear it." I murmured softly to him, trying to be reassuring.  
  
"I trust you, Heero." He gave me a brief smile and turned to give Quatre a quick embrace. I looked away just in time to see Duo saunter through the door. The sight of him in person was almost enough to make my heart stop in my chest- prepared or not. I quickly pulled up my 'perfect soldier' mindset. Focus on the mission. It wasn't easy.  
  
He wasn't in his uniform anymore, but his traditional black. Just the way I always remembered him. He tugged the brim of his cap and grinned at Une.  
  
"Commander."  
  
"All ready, Maxwell?"  
  
"More than." He looked at me. "Heero. It's good to see you- in person."  
  
"Likewise, Duo." I replied shortly. I found I couldn't meet his gaze, so I looked at Quatre. "Cover your hair as well, that blond is a bit distinctive." I told him. Quatre nodded and pulled a cap out of his bag.  
  
"Don't forget- report in often, Maxwell," Une reminded Duo as I turned to leave the room, Quatre in tow.  
  
"Yes ma'am." Duo followed us out.  
  
We walked silently out of the house, and out through the back gate as unobtrusively as we could. I led them to my jeep and Quatre nearly jumped when he went to open the door and Val growled through the window at him.  
  
"Val- down." I commanded and she sat down on the seat, panting happily.  
  
Quatre, their duffels and Val went into the back seat. Duo took shotgun next to me. We drove silently, not really relaxing until we were on the highway with no visible sign of anyone following us. Val had curled up on top of the duffels, her head in Quatre's lap. He was the first one to break the silence.  
  
"Trowa was right, you are a lovely dog," he said patting her gently as she wagged her tail.  
  
"Don't flatter her too much, Quatre," I warned him. "She tends to get too full of herself." He laughed.  
  
"I'll try not to," he assured me. "What's her name?"  
  
"Valkyrie," I answered and Val's ears went up at the sound of her name.  
  
"Norse?" Quatre asked. "Why?"  
  
"Several reasons." I answered vaguely.  
  
"What's a Valkyrie?" Duo asked.  
  
"They were goddesses of battle," Quatre explained and I added:  
  
"Their job was to collect the fallen heroes off the battlefield."  
  
"Like the grim reaper?" Duo raised an eyebrow.  
  
"Yes. But only the best got to go with them. The ones who had fought the hardest got to go to Valhalla."  
  
"Heaven?" Duo smiled faintly.  
  
"No. It was a waiting area. The warriors the Valkyries collected were not allowed to rest. They had to keep themselves ready to fight at the battle at the end of the world." I heard Quatre make a small noise of dismay and Duo was frowning. Time to get off this subject. I lightened my tone deliberately. "One of the reasons Val got her name because the Valkyries were supposed to sing as they collected the souls."  
  
"You can't tell me that she sings?" Quatre played along.  
  
"She tries," I answered with a grin. The two of them accepted the change in mood. Quatre leaned back in his seat and Duo changed the subject.  
  
"So, where are we headed, Heero?" Duo asked me with one of his familiar grins. "Or is it a secret?"  
  
"No," I rolled my eyes at him. "I'm sure Wufei's already told you. We're going to my house." I glanced back at Quatre in the rearview mirror. "It's a bit smaller than you're used to."  
  
"I don't care," Quatre told me, with a tired smile. "As long as I'm not locked in a tiny room somewhere- I'll be happy."  
  
"Why don't you sleep, Quatre?" Duo suggested. "It will be awhile until we get there, right?" He looked at me and I nodded. Quatre didn't think twice. He put his head down on the duffels and fell asleep nearly instantly, one arm around Val.  
  
"So, Heero," Duo leaned back in his seat, arms behind his head, "what kind of defenses do you have at this place of yours?" I was relieved that we were focusing on the job. "Other than that killer animal back there?"  
  
"Don't underestimate Val," I warned him.  
  
"I'm not. I saw how she was guarding the car. Does she guard the house too?"  
  
"Anyone comes close and she knows," I answered. "But, she's not the only line of defense." I detailed some of the other things that I had set up at my house that Duo needed to know about. We seemed to have fallen back into our wartime partnership and I was glad.  
  
"And you have to work?"  
  
"Yes. I could call in..."  
  
"Nah. Fei was right- we don't want to eat your time like that. Where do you work?"  
  
"About 20 minutes from home- I can telecommute easily enough- I usually do every other day of the week, but on Monday I need to be in for project briefings."  
  
"So we'll only be without you for tomorrow." Duo nodded. "Not bad, Heero. What kind of job is it?"  
  
"Designing computer games."  
  
"No kidding?" I gave him a small smile. "Are you good at it?"  
  
"Yes. Apparently my battle ones are very realistic." That made Duo laugh. I asked a question of my own: "So, why are you with the Preventers? Special assignment?"  
  
"Nope. Joined up about a year or so ago. Wufei needed a new partner."  
  
"What happened to his old one?"  
  
"He married her." I blinked.  
  
"He's married?"  
  
"Yep. Sally made him an honest man." I smiled.  
  
"Wufei was that before. So, married couples can't be partners?"  
  
"Nope. Sally became Noin's partner, since Noin married Zechs."  
  
"So why didn't Wufei and Zechs...?"  
  
"They tried. They damn near killed each other." Duo laughed. "They still growl at each other in the hallways. Zechs got one of his old friends from Oz and Wufei got me." He laughed again. "Not that Wufei hasn't tried to kill me, but I'm faster than Zechs was."  
  
"And more easygoing," I pointed out. "Which is what Sally is too. Wufei needs someone like that to balance him out." I wondered what Hilde thought of Duo's career in the Preventers, but I didn't ask.  
  
"Yep," Duo yawned. "So, that's how I ended up at the Preventers. Say Heero, how much longer?"  
  
"About an hour," I said glancing at the clock. "You can sleep too, if you like."  
  
"Thanks. I was up all night looking round the estate." Duo yawned again and leaned back in his seat, tugging his cap over his eyes. He was out like a light a few moments later.  
  
It was so- I don't know what- to have him near me again. I had forgotten how much the sight of him eased my soul, while my heart seemed to ache at the same time. I was relieved that he seemed to simply want to forget that our last conversation ever happened. That was fine with me. I just wished I could forget my love for him as easily.  
  
I pulled directly into the garage when we got back, closing the door behind the car quickly. No one had been following us, and my nearest neighbors were over a half-mile away, but I didn't want to risk it. Duo stirred once the car noise stopped, but Quatre only groaned and covered his eyes.  
  
"C'mon, sleepyhead," Duo said to the lump in the back seat. "I'm sure you'll be more comfortable inside."  
  
"I'm comfortable here," Quatre yawned back. "Between the duffels and the dog, this is great."  
  
"Makes me wonder what his normal sleeping arrangements are like," Duo said to me with a grin.  
  
"Trowa probably lets his lions sleep on the bed or something," I replied as I opened my door and flipped the seat forward. I whistled and Val jumped out, neatly dislodging Quatre from his comfortable position.  
  
"No fair," Quatre complained.  
  
I led them inside the house after checking my alarm system and letting Val go first. She acted normally, so I figured it was all clear. Duo helped me scout the perimeter and then went to call Une.  
  
Quatre went and stood under the kitchen skylight and tilted his head backwards to look at the stars. My house doesn't have a lot of windows, even if it is right on the ocean. That's why it was cheap when I bought it. Windows make me a bit nervous, so I didn't mind, and the two skylights were easy enough to protect. Electric current and broken glass are great things.  
  
The previous owner had painted the inside walls of the house a soothing blue-green, ocean color and had made curtains to match. My furniture was mostly white or grey so as not to clash with the paint. I had some ocean prints that I had found at one of the tourist traps hanging up on the walls. It wasn't a showplace, but I liked it. I wondered what the others thought about it. Duo was studying one of the prints as I started my nightly lockup routine.  
  
"You have a nice house," Duo told me after a few minutes of looking around. "Very ocean-y." I returned his grin.  
  
"It's great, Heero," Quatre looked around my tiny living space as I finished my nightly round. "Not what I expected, but very nice."  
  
"Thanks." I gave him a smile as I pulled extra blankets out from under the bed. "I think the bed should fit two comfortably, and the sofa's a futon too..."  
  
"Really great!" Quatre sat down on the futon and pulled off his shoes. "I'll take the sofa." Leaving Duo and me the bed? No way!  
  
"Quatre, you're my guests. You two can have the bed." Quatre shook his head at me sleepily.  
  
"I'm good right here, Heero." He laid his head down and fell right asleep again.  
  
"He's been up for about 48 hours straight," Duo came to stand beside me as I looked at the out-cold blond. "I'm not surprised he just passed out like that." He picked up one of the blankets and draped it over Quatre.  
  
"Maybe we should move him to the bed," I suggested. "The futon isn't the most comfortable place to sleep."  
  
"I don't think he cares," Duo chuckled. "He'll be all right." He sat down on the foot of my bed and grinned at me. He leaned backwards and looked up through the skylight that was over the bed. "Wow. What a view!" The sight of him sprawled out on my bed was too much. I turned my back on him and went to the closet to change into my sweats for bed.  
  
When I came back he had also gotten changed for bed and had moved up to sit on the pillows. His head was still tilted back as he gazed up at the stars. I couldn't speak for a moment. He turned finally, and looked at me.  
  
"So which side do I get to sleep on?"  
  
"Whatever side you want," I picked up the extra pillow and blanket. "I'm going to sleep by the door." His hand shot out and grabbed my wrist.  
  
"Why? There's plenty of space here. You don't need to make yourself uncomfortable."  
  
"I don't want to make you uncomfortable," I answered truthfully, hoping he'd let go.  
  
"You don't make me uncomfortable Heero. I trust you." His violet eyes met mine easily. "We've shared before after all and the only thing I had to worry about was you stealing the covers." He smiled then and I gave in.  
  
"All right." I put the pillow and blanket back down and picked up my gun. I climbed into bed next to him and slid the gun under the pillow in easy reach.  
  
He slid under the covers next to me, and I turned on my side, back to him. "Good night Duo."  
  
"Good night Heero," he replied softly. There was a long silence and I was nearly dozing off, when he spoke again: "Heero?"  
  
"Yes Duo?"  
  
"After this is over are you going to run off and hide again?" I thought for a moment.  
  
"I don't think so," I replied, with a faint smile.  
  
"Good," I could hear the smile in his voice, "because I've really missed my best friend."  
  
"I've missed mine too." He was quiet for a moment. Then:  
  
"You told me that you'd write to me." His voice wasn't accusing, merely stating a fact.  
  
"I wasn't sure you'd want to hear from me after all." I replied, my heart beating a bit faster.  
  
"Heero, you're still my best friend. No matter what. And I'm yours. Okay?" There was no mistaking the sincerity in his voice and I closed my eyes in relief.  
  
"Okay," I agreed and he was quiet again. I fell asleep not long after that, listening to his breathing in the dark. 


	4. Talking

Disclaimer: Gundam Wing is not mine. Thanks for all the reviews and encouragement! Warning- angsty at the end part!  
  
A loud thud woke me the next morning. I was instantly awake, gun in hand. Duo was up just as quickly, his knife in his. Quatre stared at us sheepishly from where he was sprawled on the floor. Val was next to him, panting happily.  
  
"Your dog tripped me, Heero." He growled at me and I had to chuckle.  
  
"Sorry Quatre. She's trying to get you to feed her." I looked at the clock and swung myself out of bed. "Were you on your way back or to the bathroom?"  
  
"Back," Quatre groaned as he levered himself up.  
  
"Good, since I overslept." I looked at Duo. "Help yourselves to whatever's in the kitchen. I've got about 30 minutes before I have to leave." Duo put his knife away and grinned at me.  
  
"No problem. Go get ready while I protect Quatre from your dog." I scooped up a clean pair of jeans and boxers and headed for the shower.  
  
10 minutes later I was showered, brushed and somewhat dry. Pulling my hair back into it's ponytail, I walked out of the bathroom to find Quatre and Duo at my kitchen table with juice and cereal. Val was eating happily out of her bowl in the corner.  
  
"All finished, Heero?" Quatre asked me.  
  
"Just have to grab a shirt," I replied, turning to my closet.  
  
"Why? It's not a bad view," he shot back with a smirk.  
  
"I don't care to get knifed by an irate Trowa," I raised an eyebrow back at him as I pulled a shirt out from my closet, "when he finds out that I let you ogle me." Duo laughed and Quatre made a face at me.  
  
The phone rang and I went over to answer it, pulling the shirt on at the same time.  
  
A wolf whistle greeted me as I hit the answer button. "Sophie," I greeted my boss's assistant, "to what do I owe the pleasure?"  
  
"Oh, it IS a pleasure, Frey," she said eyeing me. She leaned towards the camera and ran her eyes over me appraisingly. "What a great way to start my morning. Are you sure you're only interested in guys, handsome?" I lifted an eyebrow at her and started buttoning my shirt. Sophie was always like this.  
  
"I'm sure, gorgeous, but if it ever changes, you'll be the first one I'll call, okay?" I thought I heard a faint snort from the kitchen, but I didn't turn to look.  
  
"I'm holding you to that," she leaned away from the camera, back to her normal busy self. "Ange wanted me to call you before you left this morning and tell you that the Monday meeting's canceled today."  
  
"Let me guess," I frowned, "Lee didn't finish." She gave me a gamin grin.  
  
"Of course not. So Ange wants you to focus on the backgrounds for the shooter. You can do that at home, right?"  
  
"Got it all here. Tell her I said thanks. I would've been beyond pissed if I got there and found that out."  
  
"I know it," she grinned. "Lee's terrified of you, you know. He called this morning in a complete panic." I grinned back at her.  
  
"Really? I wonder why?" She choked down a laugh and shook her head at me. "When's the meeting rescheduled for?"  
  
"Next Monday," she said, not meeting my eyes.  
  
"He's THAT far behind?"  
  
"Frey!" She rebuked me. "We aren't all as dedicated to our computers as you are. Cut him some slack, he's a good programmer."  
  
"I know he is, that's why I haven't killed him yet." She laughed merrily. "Anything else, Sophie?"  
  
"No, that's it."  
  
"So Jack knows I'm not coming in today?"  
  
"I'll tell him," she frowned this time. "I don't know why Ange keeps him on..."  
  
"He's good at his job," I told her. "Thanks for the phone call, Sophie."  
  
"Anytime Frey." She tilted her head, flirt mode back on. "You coming to the bar next Friday?"  
  
"I've got visitors in town this week. Have to play it by ear."  
  
"Bring em along." She winked at me. "You owe me a dance."  
  
"I haven't forgotten," I smiled back at her. "I'll try, okay?"  
  
"Okay," her smile widened. "You have a good day, handsome."  
  
"You too, gorgeous. I'll see you next Monday." I hung up shaking my head. I looked over towards the table to see Quatre and Duo regarding me with wide eyes.  
  
"What?"  
  
"I knew you had relaxed a lot, Heero, but I didn't think it had been that much," Quatre told me.  
  
"You were flirting with that girl," Duo added, sounding just as surprised. I got up from my chair and went to start the coffee.  
  
"Sophie flirts with everyone," I informed him. "That's her way of communicating."  
  
"But you flirted back," he told me seriously. "That's just a bit mind- bending. I mean, you usually just grunted when any of the girls flirted with you at school."  
  
"I have learned some things about social interaction since then, I'm happy to say."  
  
"Including dancing?" Quatre asked.  
  
"Including dancing," I told him. "I enjoy it actually, as long as I have a good partner." I opened my fridge and surveyed the contents. "Looks like I need some more groceries. Anything you two want in particular?"  
  
"Anything you normally get is fine, Heero," Quatre told me with a faint smile.  
  
"Duo?"  
  
"Anything's fine." He grinned at me. I made a quick list and faxed it down to the store. The place catered to people who didn't get out much, and so they had a great delivery service.  
  
"Should be here in an hour or so," I told the other two as I got my cup of coffee and went to warm up my computers.  
  
Duo and Quatre sat down with one of the space fighting games I had developed as I worked on my project. I had to laugh listening to the two of them play. They were very competitive- Quatre especially- and very adept at insulting each other in creative ways.  
  
An hour later, my doorbell rang. I looked at Quatre and he went and hid in the bathroom. Stupid, but better safe than sorry. I opened the door to find my favorite delivery girl on the doorstep.  
  
"Hey, Mr. Lowe!" She set down the box of groceries with a grin, her braid swinging behind her. "Bigger order today?"  
  
"Got a friend visiting, Marie." I answered her as I signed the slip she presented me with. Duo came to join me in the doorway, leaning over my shoulder to look at the delivery girl.  
  
"Hi!" Marie extended a hand to him. "I'm Marie! I'm so glad to meet you..."  
  
"Duo Maxwell," he told her as he shook hands.  
  
"Nice to meet you Mr. Maxwell! I was wondering if Mr. Lowe had any friends - other than his computer."  
  
"I've often wondered the same thing," he told her with a grin. He picked up the box of groceries and headed towards the kitchen.  
  
"Wow!" Marie took the slip back and raised her eyebrows at me. "No wonder you turn down dates from all the girls when you have guys like him around." She didn't bother to lower her voice.  
  
"Marie," I said warningly.  
  
"He's freakin' beautiful!" I saw Duo flush out of the corner of my eye.  
  
"Marie, it's not like that. He's just a friend." She winked one of her big green eyes at me.  
  
"Just a friend huh? Well, that's a start!" She stage whispered. I'm sure I turned an interesting color.  
  
"Marie!"  
  
"See ya, Mr. Lowe!" She spun around, nearly whacking me with the tip of her foot long jet black braid, and bounced down the stairs. I closed the door after her, shaking my head. Quatre reappeared.  
  
"I'm a bit hurt, Heero," Duo said as he unpacked the groceries. "I knew you for years before I knew about your preferences. How come everyone you know here already knows them?"  
  
"Because it's the only way I could get them to stop hitting on me," I replied lightly, not wanting to get into THAT discussion.  
  
"Why'd she call you Mr. Lowe?" Quatre asked.  
  
"It's my name. Heero Yuy was the code name J gave me at the start of Operation Meteor."  
  
"Where did you get Lowe from?" Duo asked, pausing in his unpacking to eye me thoughtfully.  
  
"The guy who raised me was Odin Lowe."  
  
"Sophie called you 'Frey'." Quatre nudged Duo back into action.  
  
"Frey was the son of Odin in Norse mythology. Odin was the closest thing I had to a father, so it seemed appropriate."  
  
"I've never heard you mention him before," Duo gave me an unreadable look.  
  
"He died when I was 7 or so."  
  
"I'm sorry," Quatre was studying me. "How did he die?"  
  
"He was an assassin. He knew too much. One of his employers killed him."  
  
"Did you know he was an assassin?" Duo asked me.  
  
"Of course. Odin was my first teacher. After he died I met up with Dr. J." I went back to my computer, uncomfortable with the subject.  
  
Quatre and Duo went back to the game and I went back to my programming. The rest of the day passed peacefully enough, something for which I was glad of. Quatre was chafing a bit at being confined indoors, but he admitted that it was smarter than risking being seen. He was a known face, after all. Plus, he added with a grin, at least my house had windows, unlike the room Trowa had put him in.  
  
Duo volunteered to make dinner that night while Quatre called Trowa and I finished up the last little parts of my work.  
  
Trowa reported that everything seemed quiet. They had told the servants that Quatre had gone to L4, so the Preventers were waiting for the assailant to tip his hand. I tried to tune out the rest of the conversation, once I heard Quatre's voice soften. They deserved their privacy.  
  
I rose from my work once I heard Quatre hang up. Dinner was edible, it seemed Duo had learned something about cooking since the war. I volunteered to wash up and Quatre volunteered to help me. Duo went to check the news while we cleaned.  
  
My phone rang as I was elbow deep in water. At my slightly panicked look Duo got up and went to answer it.  
  
"Who are you?" I heard a familiar obnoxious voice drone after Duo's soft hello and mentally groaned.  
  
"I'm a friend of Frey's," Duo smiled sweetly at the monitor. "Who are you?"  
  
"None of your business. Is he there?" Duo looked towards me, one of his eyebrows slightly raised. I had already grabbed a dishcloth to wipe my hands off on. I rolled my eyes back at him. "Well?" that voice snapped and I bit back a groan.  
  
"Give him a minute," Duo smiled cheerily as he turned back to the monitor. I put the dishcloth down and went to lean over Duo's shoulder. I pushed at Duo, trying to get him to move over, but he didn't move. He merely blinked those big violet eyes innocently at me.  
  
"Jack," I said to the black-haired man on the monitor. "Why are you calling?"  
  
"You didn't come in today," Jack snarled a bit, his grey eyes still flicking over Duo. I saw the hunger in that gaze and had to bite back the urge to snarl at my supervisor. Duo wasn't mine to fight over.  
  
"Sophie told me that Lee wasn't finished with his part yet. Ange canceled the meeting. Why would I come in?" I said sarcastically, trying to get him to look at me instead of Duo.  
  
"Did you get any work done?" Jack's voice was dripping with anger as his gaze finally turned to me.  
  
"I got quite a bit done. I sent my logs in- check them if you don't believe me."  
  
"I will."  
  
"Good." I reached for the hang-up button. "Goodbye Jack."  
  
"Frey..." He started again. I hung up.  
  
"Wow, Heero, what a charmer. Is that your boss?" Duo looked up at me as I stood up.  
  
"Project manager, not boss. Ange, thank all the gods, is my boss."  
  
"He doesn't like you."  
  
"Nope," I smiled slightly.  
  
"Why not?"  
  
"Maybe because I gave him a black eye," I replied cheerfully as I went back to the sink. Quatre had finished up, however, and was leaning against the sink, eyebrows raised inquiringly.  
  
"And how did that happen?" He asked.  
  
"He tried to corner me in the bathroom." Quatre burst out laughing.  
  
"That's not a good way to ask for a date."  
  
"He didn't want a date," I flicked the dishcloth at Quatre. "And I didn't want what he was offering- thus the black eye."  
  
We watched TV for a while, scanning the channels for any news about trouble on L4. There wasn't anything. Quatre fell asleep on the futon- I would swear that he was doing it deliberately, except for the fact that I knew how tired he was. I also knew that Quatre would never purposely hurt me. All this had taken a toll on him.  
  
I made the rounds one more time, making sure all my systems were armed and running. Duo and I changed for bed and after tucking ourselves and our weapons in, went to sleep.  
  
I woke up in the middle of the night. For a moment I lay blinking in the dark trying to figure out why I was awake. My internal alarms weren't ringing, the house was quiet and peaceful. In fact I was feeling quite safe, comfortable- and warm?  
  
I looked down. Duo was sprawled across my chest, one arm flung around me, his body snuggled up tight against my side. His head was on my shoulder and his rubber band must've broken because all that lovely hair of his was spread across me. He was sleeping peacefully, a smile curving his lips, face tilted towards mine.  
  
Oh gods. I managed to force myself to breathe. I raised a hand and reached out to touch his cheek, stopping my hand a centimeter from his skin. Without touching him I traced his face and the line of his hair. I closed my eyes, feeling the pain rising in my chest.  
  
I slipped out of bed carefully, not wanting to wake him and headed for the back porch. I disarmed the system and sat on the back step. Val had risen when I had and came out to join me. She sat next to me and I buried my face in her soft fur, letting her coat absorb my tears. Unlike me, Duo wasn't used to sleeping alone. He had snuggled up next to me, thinking in his sleep that I was someone else. She got to hold him like that, have him hold her back, and oh gods, how I envied her.  
  
A hand touched my head gently and I looked up to find Quatre standing over me.  
  
"Oh Heero," he said softly and sat down next to me, opening his arms. I took the comfort he offered, leaning into his embrace.  
  
"I didn't mean to wake you," I murmured, feeling guilty.  
  
"It's all right," he reassured me. "I told you last time that I was here for you."  
  
Last time. When Duo had met up with us again after meeting Hilde. He had spent all evening describing the spunky Oz pilot to us and I had finally given up on my dream of him. It had hurt like hell. Quatre had found me that night too. For the first time I had told someone what was in my heart and looked for comfort. Quatre had earned my loyalty that night as he had held me and listened to me pour my heart out without judgment. He didn't scold or tell me that I was wrong for loving Duo. He had just listened to me. I knew, even then, what a gift that truly was.  
  
"You need to rest," I tried, but Quatre wasn't about to leave me. His arms tightened around my shoulders.  
  
"It hasn't gotten any better?" He asked gently.  
  
"No," I gave in. "I tried Quatre! I really tried to forget him. I don't want to feel this way about him. I just want to be his friend. I know that's all I'll ever be." I closed my eyes.  
  
"So why are you out here?"  
  
"I woke up and he was curled up next to me. I was in his arms..." I choked, and then took a deep breath. "Where I've always wanted- dreamed about- being... But I knew it wasn't me that he was missing... I'm not..." I had to stop and take another deep breath.  
  
"Oh, Heero..."  
  
"He's not mine. I know that. He won't ever be mine." I sat up and Quatre let me go. "As much as I want him, as much as I love him, I'm not what he wants. I'll never be what he wants. Gods, I know that!" Quatre's hand rested on my shoulder.  
  
"What can I do Quatre? I left. Made a new life. Tried to forget him. It didn't work," I looked out at the moonlight dancing on the waves. "I thought of him every day. Missed him every day. That's why I never called any of you, Quatre. I was trying to forget. Trying to get over him. I thought I was over him enough at least to not- do this. And here I am, a day after seeing him again- and it's the same. It hurts just as much!" I put my head in my hands. "The only other thing I can think of to do is to walk out there into those waves and never come back." Quatre's hand tightened. "Then maybe it would stop."  
  
The phone rang inside the house before Quatre could reply. We were both on our feet instantly, pushing the screen door open.  
  
Duo had gotten to the phone first. He looked up from the glowing screen, his face pale in the odd light.  
  
"It's Trowa," he said, his eyes going to Quatre. "He's been shot." 


	5. Sacrificing

Disclaimer: Gundam Wing is not mine. I feel I must take a Princess Bride moment here and assure my readers that Trowa is not dead. I never kill anyone off in my stories. (Usually!) I apologize for the cliffhanger again, but there wasn't another good place to stop without going on for 5 more pages.  
  
We were at the hospital a few hours later. The car rise was thick with tension. We didn't talk much, each of us busy with our own thoughts and worry.  
  
Wufei was in the waiting room, his uniform stained with blood. Trowa's blood, my mind supplied. But I also noticed a suspicious bulge under his right sleeve. Duo took one look at Wufei and sat down. I managed to stay on my feet, but I wanted to sit down too.  
  
Quatre, gentle, sweet Quatre took one look at Wufei and got flaming pissed.  
  
"What the hell happened?" He snarled at Wufei. Wufei looked startled. I reached out and put a hand on Quatre's arm.  
  
"Quatre. Wufei didn't shoot him."  
  
"I know that!" He turned on me, which is what I had wanted him to do. Wufei looked too shaken to handle Quatre like this. "I left and they assured me that I was the target! Obviously they were wrong! Why weren't they watching?" He was blazing with anger. "I said that Trowa might be in danger because of me and no one listened!"  
  
"I'm listening, Quatre." I reassured him and turned to Wufei. "Is there a guard on the room?"  
  
"Yes. And only Sally and her staff are being allowed in. She says that he should wake up in a few hours. The bullet damaged his lung, but Sally says it wasn't too bad." Wufei relaxed a bit as the fire in Quatre's eyes faded.  
  
"What about you?" I gestured to his sleeve.  
  
"I'm fine." Quatre reached out and pushed up the sleeve of Wufei's shirt. A bandage was wrapped around his upper arm.  
  
"What happened?" Quatre's eyes narrowed.  
  
"I got hit too. Not as bad- went right through."  
  
"So whoever this was shot both at of you?" Duo got to his feet. "Why?"  
  
"He's after the gundam pilots." Lady Une entered the room, a group of Preventers on her heels. "We got a communication from the assassin. He wants you all dead." She delivered this news flatly, as if the killer had invited us all to tea.  
  
"Where is it?" I asked. A familiar figure detached herself from the group behind Lady Une. She had a slip of paper in her hand.  
  
"It's good to see you Heero," Hilde said with her cheerful smile.  
  
"It's good to see you..." I started before Duo interrupted me.  
  
"Hilde, what are you doing here?" Duo exploded. "It's not safe!"  
  
"I'm a Preventer too, Duo!" She shot back, not intimidated in the slightest. It shouldn't have surprised me. Of course she wouldn't let Duo join without her. I ran my eyes over her figure, noting the faint curve of her stomach with a pang. No wonder Duo was worried. Hell, it made me worried!  
  
"You're not supposed to be on jobs like this! You're supposed to be on bodyguard duty!" Duo was furious.  
  
"She is on bodyguard duty," another soft familiar voice spoke up, and Relena stepped forward, Zechs on her heels. They were also in Preventers uniforms and the group of Preventers with Une was explained. They were shielding Relena. Another thought occurred to me- Zechs's old friend from Oz who joined as his partner must've been Hilde. Now why hadn't Duo said that the first time?  
  
"Why are YOU here?" Duo scolded Relena.  
  
"She has every right to visit her friends in the hospital Duo!" Hilde snapped back.  
  
"I'm perfectly safe," Relena chimed in, sounding tart. Good gods, I groaned mentally, this could go on forever! Stubborn idiots.  
  
"May I see the note, Hilde?" I asked politely, trying to sidetrack their argument. She turned to me, ignoring the irate Duo, and handed me the note.  
  
"We received it about an hour ago."  
  
The gundam pilots must pay for their sins. I will bring divine justice upon them.  
The Wizard  
  
"Great. So he's the left hand of God, is he?" I handed the note to Quatre after I scanned it.  
  
"Divine justice?" Duo was reading over Quatre's shoulder. "Has he been hanging out with you Fei?" He asked teasingly. Wufei reddened, but before I could step in, our peacekeeper did it for me.  
  
"Duo," Relena chided, "Wufei would not hurt his friends!" Duo subsided, but I couldn't help my snort. Relena glared at me and Wufei turned redder. A silence fell on the room for a moment and Wufei took a step towards me.  
  
"Yuy- I never- I meant to-"  
  
"Save it, Chang." I said to him. "It was war and we weren't friends."  
  
"Heero!" Relena snapped.  
  
"It's the truth," Wufei stopped her before she could rant. "It was war and we weren't friends."  
  
"Then," I added and saw Wufei relax. I took the note back from Quatre and turned to Hilde.  
  
"Did you get anything off of it?" I asked her.  
  
"Nothing- completely clean."  
  
"Why does he call himself the Wizard?" Quatre bit his lip as he posed the question. "Do you think he was a scientist or something?"  
  
"Maybe he wants to magically get rid of us," Duo suggested.  
  
"Maybe it was his code name during the war." Relena tried.  
  
"I never heard of a 'Wizard'" Zechs said.  
  
"Neither have I," Une was frowning. "He might have been in the Alliance..." I looked at the note again and it clicked. I started chuckling.  
  
"What?" Quatre scowled at me.  
  
"I got it." I replied, the old movie I had watched a few months ago running through my head. "He's a former Ozzie."  
  
"I just said..." Une started and I waved a hand at her, cutting her off.  
  
"Trust me. He's from Oz. That is obvious from the note. The question is how far do we have to travel on the yellow brick road to find him?" They all stared at me for a moment.  
  
"Heero, no offense, but have you gone insane?" Duo asked me in a conversational tone.  
  
"No." I handed the note back to Hilde. "'The Wizard' is a movie reference. Specifically, 'The Wizard of Oz', a very old movie."  
  
"The Wizard of Oz?" Une blinked at me. "Is it a war movie?" I nearly laughed again.  
  
"Not even close. It's a fantasy. A little girl goes to a magical country called Oz and tries to find her way home again." I hid my grin. I shouldn't really tell her how she had reminded me of the wicked witch of the west in the film.  
  
"That sounds- bizarre." Lady Une was still frowning.  
  
"You should see it, my lady." I looked out the window at the crowd of reporters below. "Right now I'm reminded of the flying monkeys. That's quite a crowd out there." Relena joined me at the window.  
  
"Do you want me to go talk to them?" She asked timidly. "I could create a diversion and you all could slip out." I looked at her, her words sending a little ripple into my head. A diversion...  
  
"No!" Duo snapped, his eyes back on Hilde. "Do you want him remembering that you helped us? Or that some of the Oz officers are working with us now?" A plan had surfaced in my mind and I felt a feral smile form. I turned to Relena and lifted her hand up to my lips.  
  
"Thank you, Relena," I said to her as I brushed a kiss over back of her hand. "You have just given me the most wonderful idea." She blinked nervously at me.  
  
"I did?"  
  
"Relena is not going to be a diversion!" Duo turned on me.  
  
"Of course she isn't." I answered him coolly. "She is going to go back home, with her bodyguards."  
  
"What are you planning?" Lady Une asked me, her frown gone.  
  
"Wufei and Sally should stay here with Trowa until he can be moved," I answered her. "They have the most med training. Quatre and Duo should go back to my house."  
  
"I'm not leaving Trowa!" Quatre snapped at me.  
  
"You have to," I replied. "We can't leave all the pilots in one place. Trowa will recover better knowing that you are safe." Quatre opened his mouth. "It's only for a little bit, Quatre." I tried to reassure him.  
  
"What are you going to be doing while we hide?" Wufei demanded. I gestured to the window.  
  
"The Wizard targeted Quatre first because he's the most visible out of all of us former pilots. I'm going to change that."  
  
"You're going to make yourself the target?" Hilde asked with a slight smile. "That might work."  
  
"It will work," I smiled back at her. She nodded her agreement as Quatre and Duo exploded.  
  
"You can't!" "I'll do it!" I took a deep breath.  
  
"I am and you won't." I glared back at them. "You are still his first target, Quatre, and you need Duo as your backup. Fei and Trowa are injured. I am the logical choice." Quatre closed his mouth, but Duo was still fuming. I left the room. It was time to go off and see the wizard.  
  
Running footsteps pursued me down the hall. It was no less than I had expected. I hit the elevator button. Hands landed on my shoulders and I turned around to face an angry Duo. Before he could say anything I pulled my keys out of my pocket.  
  
"Keys to the jeep and the house." I took his hand and dropped the keys into it. "If anything happens to me, the house and everything else are yours. My lawyer's name is in my files- contact him. Everything's already set." Duo blinked at me. "And try to find a good home for Val?"  
  
"Heero," he got his composure back. "You can't do this alone."  
  
"I'll be fine." I gave him a small smile. "I'm the Perfect Soldier remember?" The elevator chimed behind me and I practically threw myself in it. "Make sure Quatre stays safe. I'm trusting you, Duo!" The doors closed before he could reply.  
  
The reporters were jumping on anyone leaving the hospital. All I needed to do was mention that I had been visiting my fellow pilot and I was jumped on immediately. I easily admitted that I was in fact, the infamous Pilot 01.  
  
"Is someone targeting the pilots?"  
  
"Are you bringing the gundams back?"  
  
"Do you feel guilty for killing so many people?" Ah ha. Now this was unexpected. I turned towards the last questioner, a man in a dark coat, a hat pulled low over his forehead. The eyes that glinted at me were sharp with anger. Unusual for a reporter.  
  
"I don't know if someone is targeting the pilots, no we aren't bringing the gundams back, and no, I don't. It was war. Oz chose to fight me."  
  
The odd reporter's lips twisted in a snarl. Bingo. I had to admire his audacity- hiding out with the reporters. Now all I had to do was get him to chase me.  
  
Here, kitty, kitty, kitty, I thought ferally.  
  
"How is Mr. Barton?"  
  
"Is Mr. Winner here?"  
  
"Don't you think you brought this on yourselves?" Whew- watch it mister- even the other reporters are looking shocked at your tone. Don't want to give yourself away this early.  
  
"Mr. Barton is recovering well. No, Mr. Winner is not here. And no, I don't. This is obviously the work of a madman, out of touch with reality." I smiled for the rest of the reporters. "I really need to go. Thank you." I eased out of the crowd and walked down the street. A quick glance back confirmed what I had thought.  
  
He was following me.  
  
Perfect.  
  
I turned into an alley some blocks from the hospital and waited. Sure enough, a minute later he appeared at the entryway. He paused when he saw I was waiting for him.  
  
"Well, well, do you have another question for me?" I asked him. "Or are you delivering divine justice?"  
  
"You know why I'm here," he growled and stepped further into the alleyway. He had his pistol out and ready, pointed at me.  
  
"Ah- the Wizard I presume? Or just one of his flunkeys?"  
  
"I am the Wizard," he proclaimed and I nearly laughed in his face. He was missing the smoke and floating head, but he had the pompous-ass tone down perfectly.  
  
"And why are you after us?" I knew he'd tell me. They always want to. The flash of pain that flitted over his face surprised me.  
  
"You killed him." The smarmy tone was gone.  
  
"It's possible. I've killed a lot of people." I met his eyes evenly. "That's what happens in war. Who was he?"  
  
"Steven," his voice ached with a pain I recognized when he said that name. "He was the pilot of an aries."  
  
"Your lover?" I asked quietly.  
  
"No," the pain flared up again. "It wasn't like that. He had a wife- I was just his friend. His best friend."  
  
"But you loved him all the same." He was making it hard to hate him. It was hard to hate yourself. Wouldn't I have gone after someone who killed Duo?  
  
"What do you know about it?" He snapped at me and the gun's safety clicked off.  
  
"More than I want to," I told him tiredly. "Which battle did he die in?"  
  
"He was stationed on the OZ Endurance." I nodded.  
  
"It was me then. I took out that ship." He let out a soft breath. "I'm the one that's responsible." I looked into his eyes, seeing his fury and hurt. "Kill me and avenge him." Sheesh, I was turning into Relena.  
  
"Aren't you going to fight back?"  
  
"No. But- promise me something?" He looked startled. "After you kill me, leave the others alone. Your revenge will be complete. I'm sure Steven wouldn't want you to waste your whole life avenging him. He'd want you to live for him- wouldn't he?"  
  
"He would," the man's lips turned up slightly, then he shook his head, grip tightening on the gun. "Are you trying to stall me?"  
  
"No." I closed my eyes for a moment, knowing what I had to do. It was easy to call the Perfect Soldier to the surface totally. I opened my eyes and gave the man my coldest look. "Go ahead. I'm the one that killed your friend. He probably died screaming- in agony as that aries blew up around him- a lot of them screamed as they died-" The gun went off, repeatedly. I was on my knees before I knew it, my body collapsing.  
  
I felt cold. I looked down, seeing my blood run over my shirt and down my jeans from multiple places. He'd emptied the damn gun into me. I looked up at my killer, his eyes wide, his gun shaking in his hands.  
  
"Thank you," I managed.  
  
"What?!" He was looking startled, shaky and altogether not well. I almost laughed. I wasn't feeling altogether well either.  
  
"You need to go. Get away while you can."  
  
"Why? Why did you let me do this?" He dropped the gun, reaching out his hands to me.  
  
"I'm tired of being alone," I told him as the blackness swirled up behind my eyes. 


	6. Staying

Disclaimer: Gundam Wing is not mine. I apologize- this is a big chapter, but I didn't want to 'cliffhang'you again.  
  
I awoke. It was an unpleasant feeling. I had been hoping that I would never have to do it again. I blinked. Big blue eyes were peering down into mine. Crap.  
  
"Heero? Are you awake?"  
  
"Relena." I blinked and she came more into focus. "Where am I?"  
  
"The hospital."  
  
"How did I get here?" I should've been long cold before help got to me. Damn Dr. J's nanites.  
  
"Sgt. Kelly called the medics."  
  
"Sgt. Kelly?"  
  
"The Wizard?" What the hell? Why did he call? "He put pressure on your wounds and waited until the Preventers and the medics got there."  
  
"Where is he?"  
  
"The Preventers have him in custody. Wufei and Duo are questioning him." I blinked again and sat up. My body protested a bit, but not much. Relena was sitting next to the bed looking pristine and perfect in her white suit. Hilde was leaning next to the door and Zechs was by the window.  
  
"How's Trowa?"  
  
"Awake. The doctors told Quatre that he'd make a complete recovery."  
  
"That's good." I gave her a small smile. "Is everyone else okay?" I began to tug the bandages off my torso.  
  
"Just fine. Even you apparently." Relena's eyes widened slightly at the healed-looking wounds underneath. "Heero- how? I mean, it's only been 12 hours..." 12 hours? The damn things kept getting more and more efficient. Damn it.  
  
"Dr. J," I told her honestly. "He made some- modifications on me." Relena reached out a hand and gently touched one of the scars.  
  
"Are you- human?" She asked softly.  
  
"Too human, sometimes." I smiled a bit wider for her. "May I thank you for not hovering this time?" She smiled back.  
  
"You may." She looked down at her lap for a moment, then back up at me. "Heero- I want to talk to you about something..." Oh no, I mentally groaned. The doctor chose that moment to wander in. He took one look at me and declared me able to leave the hospital, though he was amazed at my recovery.  
  
Relena, Hilde and Zechs went out into the hallway to give me some privacy to get dressed. Some kind soul had gotten me fresh clothes. My house keys were sitting on top of my shoes- Duo must've left them- or sent them with Hilde. A nurse came in with the release papers. I signed them and then checked the hall. Relena was surrounded by a crowd of admiring nurses and doctors. I caught Hilde's eye and raised an eyebrow at her. She smiled back understandingly. I slipped back into my room and went down the fire escape.  
  
My jeep was where I had left it.  
  
Val was waiting for me when I got home, nearly frantic. I apologized to her, let her out and then fed her before checking my messages.  
  
The first one was from Jack complaining that he hadn't received my log for yesterday. Of course.  
  
The second was from my boss. Apparently she had seen the news and figured out that pilot 01 and Frey Lowe were the same person. Shit.  
  
The third message was Quatre, asking me to call him as soon as I could.  
  
The fourth was Lady Une, requesting a report of what had happened in the alleyway between Kelly and me.  
  
I leaned back in my chair and stared at the machine. Damn it. Why couldn't I have just died like I was supposed to? Kelly would've had his revenge and I wouldn't have to sit here wondering what the hell to do next. I couldn't resume my peaceful life. That had shattered to pieces around me. Val rested her head on my knee and I stroked her ears absently.  
  
Duty first. I quickly typed an apology to Ange and submitted my resignation. As it downloaded, along with all the work I had done so far for them, I typed a quick report for Une. That got sent quickly to Preventers HQ. I didn't want to call Quatre. Val nuzzled her nose against my knees and I sighed. My phone rang, making me jump and I wondered who it was this time. I didn't feel like talking to anyone.  
  
The machine picked up and Duo's voice echoed through the room.  
  
"Heero? Where the hell are you? Hilde said you left the hospital hours ago! You better not've run off on me again! Call me when you get this." He rattled off his phone number and hung up. Did I want to talk to Duo?  
  
The phone rang again, a minute later. Again I simply sat and waited until the machine picked up.  
  
"Une said you just faxed her something from your home number. I know you're there! Pick up the goddamn phone Heero!" I heard him take a deep breath. "God damn you Yuy! You promised me that you wouldn't do this again! If you don't answer the fucking phone right now so help me I will..." I hit the audio button, leaving the screen dark.  
  
"I'm here."  
  
"I'm on my way over."  
  
"What? Why?"  
  
"I need to talk to you."  
  
"Now Duo?" Panic rose in me. I really didn't want to talk to Duo, I decided. "I'm kind of tired."  
  
"Yes now. And don't think about leaving- I'm only a few minutes away. I got to the hospital not too long after you left. Hilde told me you beat a strategic retreat." He laughed a bit. "She said it wasn't very gallant of you to leave her stranded there with all those Relena fans."  
  
"Relena was battling them off pretty well, I thought," I countered, wondering how many minutes I had. I used to be able to leave a safe house in under 5.  
  
"I'm almost there," Duo stated flatly. "Come and open the door for me." Damn, he still knows me too well.  
  
Duo met me at the door, eyes moving over me quickly checking status. "You recovered fast."  
  
"Yeah." He moved past me, into the house and perched on my futon.  
  
"What exactly did J do to you?"  
  
"Nanites." His eyes widened slightly.  
  
"They're banned for use on humans."  
  
"With good reason. But when did that kind of thing ever stop J?"  
  
"But- when you blew up Wing- you were out for a month..." I sat down on the floor in front of the futon, several feet away from Duo.  
  
"The nanites hadn't gotten up to top efficiency levels at that time. They were still adjusting to my body." I looked up at him. "Is that why you wanted to talk to me?"  
  
"No." Duo's expression changed to one I couldn't read. "Relena told you that Wufei and I interrogated Kelly?"  
  
"Yes."  
  
"He said that you told him that he could kill you."  
  
"Yes." Duo glared at me.  
  
"Why Heero? Why did you just stand there? You could've taken that guy out! I know it! Hell, he knew it!"  
  
"He was trying to avenge his friend's death."  
  
"That's not a reason!" Duo jumped to his feet and started pacing.  
  
"Duo, I killed his friend. If you or Quatre or Trowa or Wufei had been killed I would've done the same thing he did. I would've hunted down the person that I deemed responsible and killed them as well." Duo stopped his pacing and stared at me for a moment. "Wouldn't you want to? If someone killed Hilde or Fei or Quatre or Trowa- wouldn't you want to kill them? Wouldn't you want revenge?"  
  
"Stop." Duo snapped at me. He went back to the sofa and sat down wearily.  
  
"I'm sorry, Duo. But..."  
  
"I said stop, Heero." He looked up at me. "If you must talk- then tell me why you thanked him. Kelly was shaking when he told us that. Wufei and I were too, but I think that's a whole other can of worms. You really freaked him out, Heero. Kelly couldn't believe it. 'He was covered in blood- and he thanked me! He thanked me for killing him.' That's all he could say over and over at the end there."  
  
"I didn't want him to regret his actions." He snorted.  
  
"Well, you had the opposite effect. According to Kelly he's going to have nightmares for the rest of his life about that. You are a selfish bastard, Heero Yuy."  
  
"Am I?" I was startled for a moment. "I suppose I am." My agreeing with him didn't make Duo any happier.  
  
"I heard you talking with Quatre the other night." He smiled grimly as I looked up at him in complete shock. "Did you tell Kelly to shoot you so that his ghosts could be laid to rest or because you wanted to die?"  
  
"Both." I answered truthfully after a moment. "It seemed the ideal situation." Duo was on his feet again.  
  
"Ideal situation? An interesting way to talk about your death." He was snarling at me.  
  
"Kelly was in love with that Aries pilot," I told him. There was no use hedging, not now. "I could- understand how he felt. I didn't go in that alley with the intention of dying- but when he told me why he was hunting us- I couldn't take him out. It seemed wrong." Duo sat down in front of me on the floor. Before he could speak, my phone rang. We sat there staring at each other, neither one of us moving. The answering machine picked up.  
  
"Frey- uh Heero, I guess. It's Ange. I got your resignation. It's not necessary. I don't care what- or who you used to be. You're a damn fine programmer and that's all I care about. I'm sorry if my last message was abrupt- I wasn't really sure what to think. But you don't need to quit. I still want you as a member of our team. Please call me back- you have the number."  
  
"You resigned from your job?" Duo glanced around my house. "Were you getting ready to run again?"  
  
"She was pretty upset- I thought resigning was for the best." I didn't answer the second question as I wasn't sure of the answer myself.  
  
"I ought to beat the crap out of you." Duo shook his head. "Upset does not translate into hating your guts. You still have a lot to learn about human nature."  
  
"I know I do." Duo reached out and put a hand under my chin.  
  
"Do you love me Heero?"  
  
"Yes." It seemed stupid to deny what he already knew.  
  
"Then I want you to do something for me."  
  
"All right." He smiled slightly.  
  
"Agreeing without even knowing what it is?"  
  
"Yes."  
  
"You won't run. You'll stay here, go back to your job and design awesome games."  
  
"All right."  
  
"You'll call Quatre once a week."  
  
"Okay."  
  
"You won't try and self destruct anymore." That one was a bit harder. It had always been my escape door. He noticed my hesitation and frowned. "And you won't let anyone else kill you either." His frown deepened as he waited for my answer and I sighed.  
  
"All right." I agreed. "Anything else?"  
  
"Yes," his smile was back in place. "You let me move in with you."  
  
"What?" I blinked at him in shock.  
  
"Like I trust you to actually do any of this stuff without me watching you." He could not be serious.  
  
"What about Hilde?"  
  
"What about her?" Was he insane?  
  
"Duo- she's pregnant!"  
  
"You noticed?"  
  
"Of course I noticed!"  
  
"What does that have to do with me moving in with you?" I could only look at him, amazed at his apparent callousness. "I don't see a connection..."  
  
"You don't see a connection?!" I snapped at him. "She's pregnant Duo! Hello? Baby on the way?" Duo blinked at me.  
  
"You don't think it's mine do you?" Huh?  
  
"Well, who else's would it be?" I snapped at him. Duo gave me an evil smirk.  
  
"Zechs's." Okay, that was not what I had expected. I think my jaw hit the floor.  
  
"WHAT? But he- and Noin..."  
  
"They're married." Duo was still smirking, amused by my confusion.  
  
"But Hilde is..." I put my head in my hands. "Duo, please explain this to me."  
  
"Hilde and Relena wanted a baby, but obviously they can't have one. The closest thing to Relena's genes would be Zechs's of course, so he donated some sperm and Hilde is pregnant." He grinned wider. "I get to be a godfather. Isn't that exciting?"  
  
"I'm a bit- confused." I admitted. "Aren't you and Hilde together?"  
  
"Me and Hilde?" Duo shook his head at me. "Nope. Oh- we tried after the first war, but after the first time we kissed we knew it wasn't right. She is to me what Cathy is to Trowa- a sister. That's it. When we joined the Preventers she was assigned to Relena and the rest is history." What? How had I so completely misread that situation? And why hadn't Quatre said anything that night? I was tempted to strangle him.  
  
"Oh good gods," I muttered.  
  
"You shouldn't have left all that time ago- then you'd be up to speed." Duo told me self-righteously. I groaned.  
  
"I'm not sure I want to be." Hilde and Relena? What the hell else had I missed?  
  
"So- can I move in?"  
  
"What about the Preventers?"  
  
"I can still work for them- consulting or something." Duo shrugged. "Or I'll find another job. No big problem." I looked up at him, meeting his cheerful gaze.  
  
"Why are you doing this Duo?"  
  
"Because," his expression turned serious, "you need me. I'm your best friend and I don't want you to be alone anymore. I want to help you. I volunteered before- remember?"  
  
"Are you sure you can live with me?"  
  
"We've done it before- and I know I can trust you." His voice dropped. "Trust me Heero. Let me help you."  
  
"Do what? Get over you?" It came out more harshly than I intended. "Duo, I know you don't..." I tried to put my confusion into words.  
  
He reached out and pulled us together until our foreheads were touching. "I know you love me. I know I care for you. I know that I miss you when you aren't with me. I know that I want to be around you. I know that I want you in my life."  
  
"Duo, you don't have to..." He cut me off.  
  
"I'm not doing this out of duty. I'm doing this because listening to you talk to Quatre the other night hurt like hell. I'm hurting you, something I never wanted to do, and maybe I don't have to be. I haven't found anyone to share my life with that way, Heero. Everyone I meet, I compare them to you. Maybe I am in love with you. Maybe I'm not. But I want the chance to find out." His hand tightened. "So, can I move in?"  
  
"Okay," I answered him softly. "You can move in."  
  
"Good." He leaned back, a genuine smile on his face.  
  
Okay guys. This can be it. The story could end here and you could imagine that the two of them have a great life together. The problem is that I have TONS more of this damn thing written, Heero will just not shut up!! So- do I stop here or drag you through a bunch of angst, sap and WAFF?? 


	7. Moving

Disclaimer: Gundam Wing is not mine. Thanks for all the reviews/encouragements/outright threats. So, for those of you who asked for more- here it is (and there is still more where this came from, so you might get more than you bargained for). Again, if you were happy with the story ending where it did in the last chapter, my feelings won't be hurt if you stop. Well, not much anyways.  
  
So, Duo moved in. I was surprised how quickly it was accomplished. It took him a week. I had forgotten how fast 'Hurricane Maxwell' could move. During that week he got Une to give him a job as a consultant, so he could work from home like I did. He talked Wufei into taking Noin on as a partner, and Sally into partnering Zechs since Hilde would be on maternity leave soon. He packed up, gave notice at his place and was moving boxes to mine by the middle of the week. Once Duo decides on a course of action, there's no stopping him.  
  
I was busy too. I withdrew my resignation from my job. Ange and I had a long talk, and I stayed on. Fortunately, only she and Sophie had seen the broadcast and they had kept it to themselves. That worked for me- I sure as hell didn't want Jack knowing what I used to be. It would be just one more thing for him to hold against me.  
  
I also had a long talk with Quatre. He had protested that he hadn't had time to tell me about Hilde and Relena- that phone call had come right when he was about to. Quatre also said that he wasn't sure how Duo felt about me- probably because Duo himself was unsure. He hadn't wanted to raise my hopes. He grinned a bit after that and said his own were raised so far up at the moment that we'd better not disappoint him.  
  
Duo didn't have much stuff to move. He gave away most of his furniture, though we replaced my futon with his sofa. It was a huge black velvet monstrosity, but Duo wanted to keep it, so we did. It was more comfortable than my futon had been. We also gave my stereo system to Marie and kept his. His was bigger and had better sound quality- according to him. It all sounded the same to me, but I didn't care. As long as Val was allowed to stay, I told him he could do whatever he liked.  
  
I was in a bit of a daze. I'll admit it. I still couldn't really believe that he was doing all this for me. Totally turning his life upside down. The one time I mentioned it to him, he had just given me a hug and told me that I was worth it.  
  
The Sunday morning after he moved in found me flipping through the news files on the sofa while Duo was emailing his extensive network of friends with an update on his life. I glanced up from the reader several times, still amazed that he was actually there. We had finished moving him in and arranging the house yesterday. I had offered to let him keep the bed while I slept on the sofa, but he had refused. So I had slept last night with him curled up beside me. It seemed almost too good to be true.  
  
Duo cared about me, enough that he didn't want me to be alone. That wasn't the same as loving me, and I knew it. I knew that maybe someday he'd leave and I'd be alone again, but I couldn't bring myself to care. I was going to enjoy whatever time Duo let me have with him. It would be enough.  
  
"Any interesting news?" Duo asked me, looking up from his keyboard.  
  
"A man tried to stab his wife with a plastic fork at MickeyDs," I said with a smile.  
  
"You are kidding?"  
  
"Nope, that's the top story."  
  
"Must be a slow news week," Duo leaned back in his chair and stretched. "Does it say why he suddenly felt the urge to stab his wife with a plastic fork?"  
  
"She took his French fries." He raised an eyebrow at me.  
  
"You are making that up."  
  
"No I'm not," I waved the reader at him. "Look for yourself." He leaned way back in the chair and I handed him the reader.  
  
"You really weren't."  
  
"Of course not," I said with a sniff.  
  
"I wasn't sure- you've changed a bit you know." He grinned at me. "Do you get homicidal over French fries?"  
  
"Nope. Coffee- now- that's a different story. If someone tried to steal my coffee I'd stab them with my spoon." I took the reader back from him and turned it off. Val looked up at me expectantly as I stood up and stretched. "All right, girl, I know, breakfast."  
  
"So you get murderous over mochas. That's good to know." Duo moved from his chair to the couch, where he stretched out. "Anything else? Now that I'm living with you I need to know what other little quirks you have."  
  
"Little quirks hm?" I grinned at him as I poured food into Val's bowl. "Well, I'm totally devoted to my dog- even if she does only love me because I feed her." Val had stuck her head in the food bowl before I finished putting the food in.  
  
"Ah, I'm sure it's more than that." Duo grinned back. "You take her for walks too after all." I made a face at him and he laughed. "Anything else?"  
  
"You know everything else," I pointed out to him. "I spend a huge amount of time staring at my computer screen. I watch the History channel. I don't like to make the bed."  
  
"But it's made," he pointed at the bed. "You made it up first thing in the morning."  
  
"Yes, but I don't like to. It's only because you're here." I admitted. "I like it better messy." Duo laughed.  
  
"Now there's something I thought I'd never hear! I think this is going to work out better than I hoped." He got to his feet. "Ready for breakfast?"  
  
That first Sunday went well. We fell into a pattern that repeated itself every Sunday. Email, news, breakfast, chores, lunch, gardening, shopping, dinner, movie or video.  
  
The rest of the week fell into a pattern too. Monday I went into work, Duo went into Preventers HQ on Wednesdays. The rest of the week we worked at home, only a few feet from each other, occasionally talking if something interesting came up, lending a hand if needed.  
  
I introduced him to my work friends. He'd go out with us on Fridays and dance. We went out occasionally with the other guys if they were around.  
  
I was happy. Duo was there, with me, every day. He slept by my side every night. I didn't push anything, I never kissed him or tried to. I never said anything that I thought would make him uncomfortable. I did my best to see that he was happy. He had rearranged his life for me; the least I could do was adapt mine to his. It wasn't hard to do. Duo was easy to live with, at least it seemed that way to me. I don't know how easy it was for him to live with me, but I tried my best.  
  
It was three months after Duo came to live with me that I began to wonder what I was doing wrong. Duo never said anything, never got angry or upset with me, but sometimes I would catch him looking at me with the oddest expression on his face. One time I came home on a Monday to find him on the phone with Quatre and I had the strangest feeling that the subject had been changed when I walked through the door.  
  
I began to panic. I was going to lose him. He was unhappy with me, like I had feared he would be. I knew there wasn't anything I could do to change his mind and I decided that when he left I wouldn't get mad at him. I should be happy that he had stayed with me as long as he had. Tension seemed to grow between us. I had a hard time talking to him, so sure that anything I said might be turned around as an excuse for him to leave. Duo doesn't like it quiet. He scolded me several times for not talking to him, ignoring him, but I wasn't. My fear was paralyzing me. I was afraid that I'd do or say the wrong thing.  
  
One night, several weeks after Duo's strange behavior had started, I woke up in the middle of the night. The space next to me, Duo's space, was empty. I sat up, my eyes moving around the darkened room but there was no sign of him. No light under the bathroom door, no bundle on the sofa. I got up, flipping on the lights. Val whined at me from her place on the foot of the bed. Duo's clothes were gone, his stereo was gone, his computers were gone. On the fridge was a note: Sorry Heero, but I don't love you and I never will. Duo  
  
I stared at the note feeling my heart explode in pain. Tears streamed down my face as I went and threw myself back in bed. Duo's scent rose up from the sheets and I choked, knowing that he would never ever come back. I had failed.  
  
Cool fingers were stroking my cheek. "Heero?" I blinked. The room was dark except for the tiny lamp Duo kept on his side of the bed so that he could read after I fell asleep. "Heero?" Duo was leaning over me, looking concerned.  
  
"Duo?" I reached up and ran my fingers down the side of his face. "Are you real?"  
  
"Of course. You were having a nightmare," Duo smiled reassuringly at me. He lifted his hand and I could see the moisture on the tips of his fingers. "You were crying," he added softly. "I was worried, so I woke you."  
  
"Thank you," I lifted my hand to scrub at my face. Duo batted my hand away and lifted the corner of the sheet.  
  
"Want to talk about it?" He asked as he used the sheet to wipe off the tears. "It must've been pretty bad."  
  
"It was awful," I shivered and looked up into the violet eyes that were looking at me with such concern.  
  
"Can you tell me? Was it the about the war?"  
  
"No," I shivered. "It was about you." He slid back down beside me in the bed and pulled me into his arms. I could hear his heartbeat as I rested my head against his chest.  
  
"What happened?" He asked softly, his fingers stroking the nape of my neck gently. "Can you tell me?" Gods, could I tell him? If he was contemplating leaving me, this would just make him feel guilty. I didn't want to do that to him. I closed my eyes and took a deep breath; ready to tell him it was nothing. His scent surrounded me, just like it had in the dream and I felt myself start to shake. "Heero?" Duo's voice sounded faintly alarmed.  
  
"You left," I told him, the words spilling out without any permission from me. "I woke up and you were gone. All your things were gone. You left me a note on the fridge. It was like you had never been here." I clung tighter to him for a moment and then made myself let go. "I'm okay. It's late, you have to go in tomorrow..."  
  
"Shh," Duo pulled me back against him. "Don't Heero. Don't. I want to talk to you about this. Please?" I couldn't refuse him anything, so I let him hold me against his chest, wrapping my arms around his waist.  
  
"All right," I said into his t-shirt.  
  
"Are you worried that I'm going to leave?"  
  
"Yes."  
  
"Why?"  
  
"You aren't happy here."  
  
"And what makes you think that?" Duo's voice was warm with affection. I opened my mouth and closed it again. It seemed silly to tell him that he had been looking at me oddly. "Heero? Why do you think I'm going to leave?"  
  
"Something has just seemed- wrong with you. I didn't know what else it could be." I felt him sigh.  
  
"I forget sometimes how well you can read me," his arms tightened a little.  
  
"What's wrong?"  
  
"Heero- you love me, right?" He sounded hesitant, unsure of himself. It was odd, hearing him sound like that.  
  
"Yes," I told him, confused.  
  
"You never say it. You never- do anything about it." I pulled a little away from him and looked up into his eyes.  
  
"I didn't want to make you uncomfortable," I told him. "I didn't want to push." He smiled then.  
  
"It doesn't make me uncomfortable, Heero. I just-," he sighed, and lowered his voice. "I was thinking that you were having a hard time adjusting to the reality of me- living with me." I understood suddenly. "That maybe you changed your mind about me." He finished softly.  
  
"Oh no," I reached up and ran my fingers over his cheek unthinkingly seeking to reassure. "I love having you here. The reality of you has been better than any dream." I saw relief wash over him. He had been worried that I wasn't happy living with him. I understood now what he needed from me. Giving into impulse, I reached up and captured his mouth with mine, kissing him lightly. I moved back after a moment, smiling involuntarily at his wide-eyed expression. "Do you like being here?"  
  
"Yes," he answered after a moment, his lips curving into a smile. "Very much. That's why I was worried." I lay back down flat again and pulled him close beside me. He put his head on my shoulder and cuddled close.  
  
"Idiot. You should've said something sooner."  
  
"Baka. You should've said something sooner," he replied with a grin.  
  
"You have work in the morning, you need to sleep." I murmured into his hair.  
  
"Yes mommy," he chuckled back. 


	8. Sharing

Disclaimer: Gundam Wing is not mine. Thanks to everyone that reviewed!! Um... not much in this chapter- just a conversation and some- other stuff. WAFF and sap warnings. In the great forest of life, all I have to offer is the sap.  
  
The next morning, while Duo was in the shower I made breakfast and prepared his lunch. He did the same thing for me on Monday mornings when I was the one going into work. We fell back into our routine over breakfast, talking about our plans for the day and the headlines on the newsfile.  
  
Duo picked up his satchel and keys and headed for the door. I followed him and put my hand on the doorknob. He turned a bit and blinked up at me. Usually when he headed towards the door, I headed towards my computer. I was going to break the routine this morning. After last night's talk, I knew I needed to show him that I was happy to have him with me.  
  
"Have a good day." I slid my free hand around his waist and tugged him towards me. My lips brushed his cheek in a brief kiss and I whispered: "I love you. Call if you're going to be late." He gave me one of his brilliant smiles as I let him go and opened the door.  
  
"I will. See you tonight." He bounded down the stairs, waving his hand in the air. I closed the door after him and set to work.  
  
That night Duo came home at the usual time. To my surprise and delight, he walked over to me and brushed his lips over my temple. "Did you miss me?" He asked lightly.  
  
"I always miss you when you're gone," I told him honestly, looking away from the monitor for a minute. "Dinner's almost ready. I just have to send the logs off to Jack."  
  
"Don't forget that," Duo laughed. "That guy is a psycho when it comes to your logs." I raised my eyebrow at him and he winked back.  
  
"Anything exciting happen today?" I asked him when I had finished, joining him in the kitchen. He was setting the table.  
  
"Well, let's see. Sally sent me an email complaining that Wufei is being too stubborn. Wufei sent me an email complaining that Sally is being too stubborn. Noin sent me an email complaining that both Zechs and Wufei are being macho jerks. Relena sent me an email complaining that Hilde is getting awfully bitchy and Hilde sent me one complaining about her feet. Oh, and I went over a bunch of unsolved cases and sat in some boring meetings."  
  
"Do the Preventers realize that you are acting as an unofficial counselor for so many people?" I smiled at him.  
  
"Nope, but I should say something. Maybe Une will give me a raise." He finished setting the table as I pulled dinner out of the oven.  
  
"So, what advice did you give them all, Dr. Maxwell?"  
  
"The same things I always say. It's not like it matters- they just want someone to complain to." I dished up the casserole and handed him his plate.  
  
"And you always listen." I told him as I sat down.  
  
"Yep," he lost his smile for a minute.  
  
"What Duo?" He gave me a searching look.  
  
"I was just thinking- here are all these people that tell me everything- and the one person I want to talk to me the most, never really does."  
  
"You can't mean me," I met his gaze, surprised by the flash of hurt I saw in his eyes. "I talk to you all the time."  
  
"But not about big things." He leaned over the table. "That night- when I listened to you talk to Quatre I realized that you had never talked that way to me. Like you didn't plan out every word before you said it- it was exactly what you were feeling."  
  
"I talked to you like that last night," I told him, a bit uneasily.  
  
"Yes- but for a minute there I thought you were going to tell me that it was nothing- just a stupid dream." I flushed, since that was exactly what I had thought about. "That night with Quatre- he just asked and you told him everything." He sounded kind of sad- almost wistful and I realized that here was another thing I needed to fix.  
  
"That's because- he had listened before." I put my fork down. "He- it was years ago- but one night I was- really upset. Quatre felt it and came to talk to me."  
  
"So, you trust him?"  
  
"Yes," I met his eyes. "I trust you too, you know."  
  
"I know." He looked back at me steadily. "Can you do something for me?"  
  
"Anything." He smiled faintly.  
  
"Can you try to talk to me sometimes, like I'm Quatre? I just- I know there's a lot of things about you that you don't tell anyone. Like Odin Lowe. Or how you met J. You know- things like that. You can pretend I'm Quatre."  
  
"You aren't Quatre," I told him, reaching a hand up to brush a piece of hair from his cheek. "You're Duo. I wouldn't tell Quatre those things, but I'll tell them to you." His smile brightened a little. "Will you tell me a few things too?"  
  
"Like what?"  
  
"All the things about you that you don't tell anyone." His eyes met mine understandingly.  
  
"It's a deal." He grinned at me, and the moment was over. "We'd better eat before it gets cold. How did work go today?"  
  
So we talked about work, our plans for the weekend, and our guesses as to whether Hilde was going to have a girl or a boy all through dinner.  
  
Afterwards though, instead of joining Duo on the couch to watch TV I went over to my closet. I bent down and found the box that I had put down there ages ago. Duo was sitting on the couch, watching me. He hadn't turned the TV on yet.  
  
I got back to my feet, the silver detonator in my hands. I walked back over to the couch and instead of sitting on my side; I sat next to Duo, pulling him close to me. I put the detonator in his hands.  
  
"A detonator?" He said, in a questioning tone.  
  
"It's the only thing I have to remind me of Odin," I answered. "I took it out of his hand when he was dying and completed his last job." Duo turned the detonator over in his hands.  
  
"You said that he died when you were seven?"  
  
"About that, yeah. I'm not really sure how old I am. I don't even know how I ended up with him, but it was a good cover, having a little kid with you. No one suspected a man traveling with his son."  
  
"Did you help him?"  
  
"Yes. He taught me how to fire a gun, rig explosives," I paused, "kill someone quietly... Odin was a through teacher. After he died, J found me. He was delighted that I already knew so much."  
  
"And I thought my childhood sucked," Duo frowned.  
  
"Odin wasn't a bad man," I said softly. "When we were on his last job I think- I think somehow he knew he wasn't going to make it. He told me that after it was over I could go to school- live a normal life. He had taught me enough so that I could survive." I smiled at the thought. "I don't think J was what he had in mind for me."  
  
"What was his last job?" Duo asked quietly, leaning back against me, his head under my chin.  
  
"Taking out an alliance command center- and the general in charge of it. He failed to get the general. I blew up the center." I touched the detonator gently. "Odin told me, right before we went on that job that I needed to follow my emotions. He said you never knew when some fool was going to change the future- so if you did what your heart told you, then you wouldn't ever regret your actions."  
  
"That is a good piece of advice." Duo smiled. "What did J think about it?"  
  
"J always gave me choices even though I think he wanted me to be more logical in my thinking rather than just trusting my feelings. He's the one who gave me the name 'Heero Yuy' right before I left for Earth. Ironic really- since Odin was the one who assassinated him." Duo froze in my arms.  
  
"Odin killed Yuy?"  
  
"I think so. I studied the attempt later. It had his signature all over it. I think that was what he talked about when he said any fool could change the future. That was another reason why I didn't want to keep his name." Duo sat silently for a moment.  
  
"What did J call you before?"  
  
"Hm? I didn't have a name before."  
  
"Odin didn't call you anything?"  
  
"Son, if other people were around, Kid, if not."  
  
"Did he ever tell you anything about yourself?"  
  
"Only that space had taken everything away from me. He never explained that statement either." I shrugged.  
  
"Sounds like a real enigma." Duo turned the detonator over slowly in his hands. "I don't know anything about my family either. I just remember the streets. Like you, I chose my own name." He smiled faintly, fingers tightening on the detonator.  
  
"Really? I always thought 'Duo' was unusual. Why'd you pick it?"  
  
"I had a friend named Solo. He and everyone else I knew died in that plague that hit L2." He shivered.  
  
I hugged Duo tightly against myself as he continued to talk. "Solo... died in my arms. I didn't have a name then- just whatever I felt like calling myself. I told him that I was going to live for both of us, so I was Duo. Two instead of one." I kissed his temple, his cheek and his ear comfortingly, as if he were that child still. He tucked himself tighter against me.  
  
"And the Maxwell?"  
  
"I stayed at an orphanage with Father Maxwell." Duo shivered harder in my arms. "I can't... I'll tell you about that later, okay?"  
  
"Okay," I agreed. We had time. I held him against me, my lips caressing his neck gently, just barely tasting him. He shivered.  
  
"That- feels good," he murmured to me.  
  
"It's supposed to," I told him. I felt his body relax suddenly and he leaned his head back to rest on my shoulder exposing more of his neck and throat to my mouth. "Does this- bother you?" I asked him quietly.  
  
"No," I felt him take a deep breath. "I like it." He turned his head and I felt his mouth on my chin. I took in a shaky breath. "What do you think?" I turned him slightly in my arms and claimed his mouth. He opened his lips for me and I tasted him, tangling his tongue with mine.  
  
I pulled away after a time, knowing that if I continued I'd want to taste all of Duo, which I was sure he wasn't up for yet. His eyes blinked open, and he looked slightly dazed. I had to smile.  
  
"You okay?"  
  
"I'm great," he smiled back at me.  
  
"Didn't feel 'brotherly'?" I questioned with a grin.  
  
"Absolutely not." He shook his head decisively. "Don't think we have to worry about that."  
  
"Good." I let him go reluctantly and reached for the remote. I didn't want to push. I turned the TV on and leaned back against the couch. Duo curled up next to me and put his head on my shoulder. 


	9. Watching

Disclaimer: Gundam Wing is not mine. In the great forest of life, all I have to offer is the sap.  
  
Duo and I were working busily away on Friday afternoon, both of us conscious of the fact that in 2 more hours we could turn off the damn computers and enjoy our weekend. At least, I was. Weekends had definitely become more enjoyable with Duo around.  
  
Duo had just gotten up to take a stretch break and grab a soda when the phone rang.  
  
"I'll get it, Heero," he told me and answered it. "Hey gorgeous!" He greeted the girl on the other end. "I suppose you want Frey?"  
  
It always surprised me how easily Duo switched between my names. I had told him that I didn't care which he called me- he had known me first as Heero after all. He called me Frey when we were out in public or with my coworkers, Heero at home or with our older friends. He had laughed when I'd mentioned it and told me street rats had a dozen aliases. He could easily use two.  
  
"Hey beautiful!" I heard Sophie greet him with her usual enthusiasm. I had to hide a smile. Duo wasn't terribly fond of the nickname Sophie had given him, though he was too nice to tell her so. I told him it could've been worse. Before I was 'handsome', I had been 'cutie'. He had protested that 'cutie' wasn't bad, and so, just to prove my point, I had called him 'sweetie' for a day. He had retaliated with 'cutie', but I was immune thanks to Sophie. Needless to say- I won that argument. "Do I want Frey? Sure- are you getting rid of him?"  
  
"You know I'm not," he returned with one of his grins. "So, to what do we owe the pleasure? Are you calling to yell at Frey- and if you are- can I listen in?"  
  
"Nope," she laughed back. "I called for two reasons- first- Slim's is opening for the season next Saturday night." The season meant summertime when all the tourists came to the coast. "We wondered if we could put you down to go with us?" Her voice rose questioningly. Duo looked over at me and I nodded.  
  
"We'll be there," he told her.  
  
"Great! Second- can I talk to Frey?" I had already gotten out of my chair, so I switched places with Duo.  
  
"What can I do for you?" I asked her.  
  
"Lee needs you to send him the RPG background for level 6. He's going to be working this weekend." She raised an eyebrow at me as if daring me to comment.  
  
"No problem. Work or home?"  
  
"Home," she answered with a grin. "Thanks Frey! See you Monday, handsome!"  
  
"Bye gorgeous," I hung up the phone and went back to my computer.  
  
"What's Slim's?" Duo asked as I sat down.  
  
"It's a dance club. You'll like it." I told him. He shook his head.  
  
"It still astonishes me that you even go out and do that kind of thing."  
  
"Why? You've seen me." I turned and looked at him.  
  
"I know- it's just- you've changed so much since the wars. Sometimes it's hard for me to reconcile you with the old Perfect Soldier I knew." He was staring at his computer.  
  
"Is... that bad?" I asked hesitantly. He turned his head and smiled for me.  
  
"Of course not. Just back then- sometimes I used to think that you'd end up killing me someday- I'd blow the mission or get caught and you'd kill me."  
  
"Duo- I wouldn't..."  
  
"I know that now." He got up from his chair and came to put his arms around my shoulders. "You never would've. I could just kick myself for not realizing it." He hugged me for a brief moment. "I just- feel guilty about some of the things I used to think about you." I laughed and the tension eased a bit.  
  
"Will it make you feel better if I tell you that even though I loved you, I still sometimes thought that you were a complete idiot?" He yanked my ponytail and chuckled.  
  
"That's not very soothing!" He pouted.  
  
"Get back to work," I tugged on the end of his braid. "I'll let you beat me at Soul Caliber 10 later. That should soothe your feelings."  
  
"You sound like you loose on purpose," he teased, going back to his computer. "Quit trying to save face and admit that I can beat you fair and square."  
  
"Ha."  
  
A few hours later, Duo had wrapped up his work and I was in the process of sending in my logs. The phone rang.  
  
"Three guesses," I told Duo.  
  
"I'll get it," he grinned at me. "I haven't had the pleasure in awhile."  
  
"Where's Frey?" Jack snapped the minute Duo answered the phone.  
  
"He's on the computer, sending his logs in as a matter of fact," Duo replied with a smile. "Do you want to talk to him?"  
  
"Not really," Jack snapped back, and then changed his tone to one that made me wish he was close enough to punch: "You know Duo, I really don't know what you see in that guy. I mean, you could have anybody..." Well, well, this was a first. Before I could get to my feet and do something that I more than likely wouldn't regret later, Duo answered:  
  
"I doubt you'd understand what I see in Frey. It requires a sense of taste." Duo hit the hang-up key. "Twit."  
  
"Yes." Download complete, I turned off the computer and got to my feet. "If only he wasn't so good at his job."  
  
"He's not good at anything else- I mean that was just tacky! Hitting on me like that? I live with you! And it's obvious he thinks we're..." Duo paused and flushed.  
  
"I know." I went and pulled him away from the phone. "Jack is not known for his subtlety. Remember the bathroom incident I told you about? Relax Duo, he won't try again for a week or so, at least." Duo laughed.  
  
"He tries it again and I'll give him the black eye."  
  
"What do you want to do tonight?" I asked him, slipping my arms around him in a careful hug.  
  
"The same thing we do every Friday! Try and take over the Earth Sphere!"  
  
"But I forgot to make a cunning plan this week."  
  
"Oh, in that case then, I want you to show me another one of those 'old classic' movies of yours." Duo laughed. A week or so after he had moved in, Duo had asked me to show him The Wizard of Oz. It had become one of our little routines that sometime on the weekend I would show him one of the classic movies that I had collected.  
  
"I think I have a good one for tonight," I told him.  
  
"Hey- that's what you said last weekend and I ended up crying!"  
  
"It wasn't that sad!"  
  
"No animal snuff movies either- something cheerful." He instructed.  
  
"Old Yeller is not an animal snuff film. Relax Duo. I have a good one- honestly."  
  
We made dinner all the while discussing my taste in movies. Then we sat down on the couch, plates in hand and I turned the movie on.  
  
Duo was hooked in the first five minutes. He always was. In all honesty, I think I liked watching him more that whatever movie was playing. We finished eating and I took the plates to the kitchen while he made himself more comfortable on the couch. When I got back, he reached out a hand to me and tugged me down next to him.  
  
I was delighted. Since I had started being more physically affectionate with Duo, he had too. He had always been affectionate- using the hugs and light touches that most friends use- but now he was more so. I had never realized before that Duo was affectionate because he craved affection himself.  
  
We curled up together on the sofa and watched the rest of the movie. Afterwards, we took Val out for her walk. We talked about inconsequential stuff, mostly about the movie and it's lousy special effects. I protested that at the time they were state of the art, and Duo protested that they were still bad.  
  
"You ever wonder about your parents?" He asked me out of the blue on the way back.  
  
"Sure," I told him honestly. "But after what Odin said, I assumed they were dead."  
  
"So, you never went looking?"  
  
"No. Did you?"  
  
"No. I wanted to." He sighed and hunched up into his jacket. "But I figured it was pretty pointless. I don't even know if I was born on L2."  
  
"We could still look," I offered.  
  
"It would take ages."  
  
"So? What does that matter? It can't hurt to look."  
  
"Are we going to look for you too, then?" I had to think about that for a moment.  
  
"Sure," I smiled for him. "Actually mine might be easier. I've often thought about researching space disasters."  
  
"Odin said space took everything from you-" Duo nodded, understanding dawning in his eyes. "You're right, yours might be easier."  
  
"But we'll look for you first," I stopped him before he could retort. "You might have living relatives somewhere Duo. I know I don't- otherwise how would I have ended up with Odin?"  
  
"All right," he agreed. "When do we start?"  
  
"Sunday. We're seeing the guys tomorrow, remember?"  
  
"I remember." We reached the house and made our way inside. We got ready for bed, closing up the house and changing for bed. Duo was finished first as usual, since I always made one final round of the house before bed. I joined him a few minutes later and he turned off the light on his side of the bed. He rolled over towards me and snuggled into my side. Val jumped up onto the foot of the bed and settled into her usual spot.  
  
"Do you remember anything about your parents?" He asked.  
  
"No. All I remember is Odin and then J. How about you?"  
"No. Just Solo and then the church. That's it." He sounded sad again. I hugged him close for a moment.  
  
"Not much of a childhood, hm?"  
  
"No. You know how it is."  
  
"I do." I told him and kissed his forehead.  
  
"Mmm.." he murmured and snuggled closer. I was just on the brink of sleep when he spoke again.  
  
"Heero?"  
  
"Hm?"  
  
"I wanted to tell you- I've never been as happy as I've been here with you." My breath caught for a minute.  
  
"Me too, Duo. Me too." 


	10. Golfing

Disclaimer: Gundam Wing is not mine. Thanks to everyone that reviewed! In the great forest of life, all I have to offer is the sap. Warnings: Just more relationship advancement here folks...  
  
Saturday morning I woke up early. Duo liked to sleep in on Saturdays, not to a totally late hour, no more than 9 usually, but still too late for me. It was easy enough for me to slide out of bed, feed and walk Val and then come back to curl up on the couch with the newsreader or a book until he woke up.  
  
There wasn't anything too interesting on the newsfile, so I contented myself by staring at the end of Duo's braid and thinking about how easily he had managed to fit into my life. Our routines had settled quickly, he got along with my friends; it was if I had just been waiting for him to come along and step into my life.  
  
My friends had accepted Duo with minimal teasing on their parts. I will never forget the look on Sophie's face when I brought him out with me that first night, but all she did was whisper 'good choice, handsome' in my ear. Duo, of course, got on famously with all of them. He had them eating out of his hand in no time.  
  
I was glad. Duo was a social person and I didn't want to take him away from any of that. He laughed when I mentioned something like that and said that I had forgotten what the others were like.  
  
I had forgotten, but I think they had also changed. Quatre called every few days- or we called him. Busy or not he always had time for us. He spent a lot of time on Earth and usually made time to see us whenever he could.  
  
Of course, where Quatre was, Trowa was as well. Trowa didn't talk much on the phone, but the man excelled at sending email. We could count on at least one email from Trowa everyday, usually with some kind of funny incident, joke or story included. Duo said that Quatre had helped Trowa get a sense of humor, but I disagreed. I remembered Trowa laughing during the war and I said so. Duo said he didn't see anything funny about my self- destruction and told me that Trowa and I must have 'warped' senses of humor. That I could agree with.  
  
Wufei also called, or we called him, about once a week. He emailed as well, though not as frequently as Trowa. Wufei managed to come along occasionally when we met Quatre and Trowa, and he'd always bring Sally with him. Out of all of them, Wufei was the one I could see the most changes in, and I was glad of it.  
  
Hilde and Relena traveled everywhere all the time. Relena's job called for it, of course, and she went wherever she was needed. Hilde was getting to the point where it was uncomfortable for her to travel, so she was staying close to home. We got emails and phone calls from the both of them fairly frequently.  
  
We were supposed to see the pilots this afternoon for a late lunch and then play something that Quatre had called 'putt-putt'. Duo called it minigolf and said that it would be fun. I looked it up and had my doubts. It looked like a kid thing to do, but then it fit in with my real-world research, so I had agreed.  
  
I was flipping through a bunch of 'human interest' stories when Duo finally stirred. Once I got out of bed he had a tendency to burrow deeper under the covers, usually with only his braid left showing. He woke up quickly, we all did- a remainder of our time as soldiers.  
  
"Morning!" He said cheerfully as he stretched.  
  
"Good morning," I smiled at the picture he made. "I was wondering if you were going to wake up today."  
  
"Ha ha. Is that tea?" He gestured at the cup I was holding in my hand.  
  
"Coffee actually."  
  
"Any left?"  
  
"Of course. Want some?"  
  
"I'll get it." He tumbled out of bed and headed towards the kitchen. "What time are we meeting the guys?"  
  
"One, so you have plenty of time to get ready. It's only nine."  
  
"You make it sound like it takes me a long time," he made a face at me. I grinned back.  
  
"I'm not the one that spends an hour in the bathroom." I teased.  
  
"I do not!" He grinned back. "Fifty minutes tops!" I rolled my eyes at him as he walked back over, coffee cup in hand. Instead of sitting down at the other end, as I had expected him to, Duo nudged me away from the arm of the sofa that I had propped myself against and slipped in behind me. He tugged me back down so that I was leaning back against him and looked over my shoulder at the reader.  
  
"Anything interesting?"  
  
"Nope. All quiet. Just 'interest' stories, no big breaking news." I flipped through a few of the more interesting ones for him.  
  
After awhile I turned off the reader and put it and my coffee cup down on the table before returning to lean on Duo. "Are you looking forward to today?" He asked me.  
  
"I still think handing Wufei a three foot long piece of metal is a bad idea." I told him. "Promise you won't aggravate him?" He laughed.  
  
"I'll do my best. But don't worry. Sally is going too. If anyone can keep Wufei calm, it's her."  
  
"Are you sure?" I slid down until my head was on Duo's leg, so that I could make eye contact with him. "Are you forgetting the pool incident?"  
  
"Well, she was right, he was being annoying."  
  
"Duo, she hit him with her pool cue. Repeatedly."  
  
"Hm, maybe you're right. Who decided that minigolf would be a good idea?"  
  
"You and Quatre. So if anyone gets injured, I'm holding the two of you responsible."  
  
"Us? If Wufei goes into a rage you're the only one that has a chance of getting the club away from him."  
  
"True. But Sally is a different story." Duo groaned.  
  
"Good point." He ruffled my bangs. "In that case, we need to have a plan."  
  
"Easy enough."  
  
"You have one already?"  
  
"Yes. We run like hell." He leaned down and kissed my forehead.  
  
"Works for me. Now, as much as I love being your pillow, you need to move so I can go shower."  
  
"Okay," I sat up and picked up one of my books. "I'll see you in fifty minutes." Duo yanked my ponytail and made a face.  
  
"Great, I never should have said that. Now you'll time me."  
  
"Yep."  
  
----  
  
"Things going well?" Quatre asked me as we stood by the tee mat waiting for Trowa to take his shot at getting that dratted little ball through the door of the windmill at the right moment. Wufei, Sally and Duo were already down on the green below, waiting.  
  
Fortunately the minigolf was not crowded, so we weren't holding anyone up as the six of us played. It was more enjoyable than I had imagined, since despite the huge amount of physics that all of us knew, we still were having trouble getting the ball into the hole.  
  
"I think so," I answered Quatre after a moment. I looked to where Duo was standing down on the next level and smiled. He was telling Sally something that required a lot of hand gestures. Trowa swore. He had missed the windmill's door and his ball had gone down the other chute. Quatre took his place on the mat.  
  
"Duo's happy," Quatre told me as, without any preparation, he swung at the ball. It easily rolled through the open door and took the hole in one chute to the green. How did he do that?  
  
"Hn." I said as I put my ball on the mat. Quatre was not fooled.  
  
"You know he is."  
  
"I know he is," I repeated and met Quatre's eyes. "Don't push."  
  
"Wouldn't dream of it," Quatre gave me his best angelic look and strolled down to the green. I rolled my eyes at his back. Duo caught my expression and raised a questioning eyebrow. I shook my head at him and took my shot.  
  
"What was Quatre talking to you about?" He asked me as we stood waiting for Wufei to make his shot on the next hole. Wufei gave us a glare over his shoulder and I moved close to whisper in Duo's ear.  
  
"Just asked how it was going."  
  
"Did he?" Duo's eyebrow went up. "What did you say?"  
  
"I told him not to push." Duo looked past the mini-volcano at where Quatre was standing with Trowa and Sally.  
  
"Would you two stop whispering?" Wufei snapped. "Really Yuy, I was hoping you'd have a quieting effect on Maxwell, not that he'd teach you to chatter."  
  
"Oi Fei! That's harsh!" I told him in my best Duo imitation. Duo cracked up, and Wufei looked like he couldn't decide to laugh or hit me with the club. I had been loud enough that the other three had heard me. Trowa was grinning and Quatre and Sally were giggling. Duo topped it off by giving me a glare and snapping:  
  
"Shut up baka!" He imitated me better than I did him. That made Sally and Quatre giggle harder. Wufei rolled his eyes and turned back to the green.  
  
"Can't you two figure out someway to be quiet for a minute?" Duo's eyes gleamed and before I knew it, he had tilted me over his arm and kissed me. Wufei glanced back at us and hit his ball into the water.  
  
It was a brief teasing kiss, but it was enough to make me grin at him. Quatre applauded and Sally joined in.  
  
"Unfair tactics!" Wufei complained.  
  
"Hey, all's fair in love, war and mini-golf!" Duo proclaimed and placed his ball on the mat. "It's not my fault you got distracted."  
  
Needless to say, the rest of our minigolf game was made up of attempts to distract the other players. It was a great afternoon.  
  
-----  
  
Duo was already in bed by the time I finished locking everything up and joined him.  
  
"Have fun today?" I asked him as I pulled my rubber band out of my hair and lay down beside him.  
  
"Yep." He curled up next to me as he always did, one arm across my chest, his head on my shoulder. "Especially when Wufei made that comment about Sally's bad shot and you challenged him to a duel."  
  
"I won too," I reminded him with a grin.  
  
"Only because Sally made that crack about giving a kiss to the winner."  
  
"Even though she didn't," I complained.  
  
"Good thing she didn't. Wufei would've killed you."  
  
"Maybe," I smirked. "But wouldn't it have been worth it to see the look on his face?" Duo laughed and propped himself up on his elbow.  
  
"Yes, though I wouldn't have liked losing you." A shadow replaced the laughter for a split second. Then he bent down and kissed me.  
  
He lingered over my mouth asking me silently to allow him access. I opened my lips and let him kiss me deeply. I slid one arm around his waist, my free hand going up to clasp his neck. I didn't want to let go. Gods, no.  
  
But when he showed the first signs of retreat, I let him go. He was flushing, but he met my eyes easily.  
  
"Thank you," I told him, letting my fingers play with the end of his braid. He put his head down on my shoulder.  
  
"Thank you," he told me. "I know this isn't easy for you, but I'm still..."  
  
"I know," I cut him off, cradling him against me. "You know that I will take whatever you give me, Duo. It's more than I ever expected- more than I dreamed already."  
  
"You deserve more," I couldn't see his face, but I could hear him struggling over the words. "Better than..."  
  
"No. You're what I want. I've always wanted you, Duo, from that first moment on the submarine." He moved quickly then, moving to look into my face.  
  
"I shot you." He said unbelievingly.  
  
"So? And why do you think I was so distracted that you managed to shoot me? You knocked me completely off-balance." He saw the truth of it in my expression  
  
"That long? You wanted me that long ago?"  
  
"Yes." I reached up and smoothed a strand of hair off of his face. "You are handsome Duo, and I wanted you for that reason alone at first. Then I got to know you. Your friendliness, your determination, and all the other things that make you Duo, made me fall harder." He kissed me again, longer and more lingering before he put his head down on my shoulder.  
  
"I'm so glad I decided to wound you and not kill you," he said softly in the dark.  
  
"Me too." I chuckled for him, trying to lighten the mood. "Can you imagine what Relena would've done to you if you had?" He groaned.  
  
"Oh gods. She would've ripped me apart with her bare hands."  
  
"Yes. She wasn't a pacifist yet, after all." 


	11. Mediating

Disclaimer: Gundam Wing is not mine. Thanks for all the reviews! I really appreciate every one of them! Please don't get mad at me for the Hilde/Relena thing in here. I know MANY couples who are like this and they do exactly what Duo says they do. Warnings: In the great forest of life, all I have to offer is the sap.  
  
Weeks passed. We went out with our friends, worked, played and spent Sundays running searches looking for traces of Duo's past. I had run through most of the birth certificate databases, with his help, with no luck. Last week I had suggested that he start perusing news articles for L2, hoping that some news item might jog a memory. He had balked at first, but finally agreed after I told him not to go past the time when he would've been 4 or so.  
  
I knew he had to be frustrated with our lack of progress, but he never complained. He never let me spend more than part of a Sunday looking through the records. Duo said we stared at computer screens enough during the week as it was.  
  
So I had started getting up a wee bit earlier on Sundays, walking Val and starting the search before I checked the news. I always managed to get some work done before Duo started stirring.  
  
Sunday morning came around again, six weeks after we had started the search and had nothing to show for it. I glanced towards the bed and smiled at the sight of Duo's braid sticking out of the heap of covers.  
  
It wasn't just six more weeks of running fruitless searches; it was six more weeks of wondering if Duo was ever going to figure out how he felt about me. I had told him that I would take whatever he had to give me, and I meant it. But it was getting harder and harder to hold myself in check. Six more weeks of cuddling, frequent casual touches, kisses that got deeper and... I stopped that train of thought right there. Things had been easier before Duo had told me that he didn't mind open affection. I wanted Duo. I could only hope that eventually he'd want me.  
  
I was staring at the screen, my thoughts running in little fruitless circles, when Duo leaned over my shoulder.  
  
"Good morning," he said in my ear as his arms came around my shoulders in a loose hug. I looked at the clock. It was 7 am.  
  
"Isn't it a bit early for you?" I asked, leaning back a little into his arms.  
  
"And isn't it a bit early for this?" His voice was teasing, but I knew I'd been caught.  
  
"I didn't think you'd be up this early," I hedged.  
  
"I heard you tapping away over here and I got curious. I'm starting to get jealous of your computer." Duo laughed.  
  
"Ha ha."  
  
He let go and moved to lean against the desk where he could face me. He was grinning. "Sheesh, Heero, I just thought- what if we find out that we're brothers or something?" I raised an eyebrow at him.  
  
"Don't be stupid. We don't look anything alike."  
  
"Some siblings don't." He countered.  
  
"And you aren't half-Japanese."  
  
"Oh, oops, good point." He grinned, then added: "But we could be half- brothers." I reached out and pulled his braid.  
  
"Are you trying to give me a heart attack, baka?"  
  
"Is it working?" I reached up and tugged him down onto my lap, so we could both see the screen.  
  
"Not yet." He laughed and put an arm around my shoulders.  
  
"What am I looking at?"  
  
"Nothing. I'm finished." I sighed. "I'm sorry Duo. It doesn't look like you were born in a hospital on L2. We'll have to look elsewhere."  
  
"Relax, Heero," he hugged me. "There's no rush. You know that." We sat quietly for a moment, staring at the monitor, before I pulled myself together.  
  
"Do you want breakfast?" I asked him.  
  
"I always want breakfast," he told me and I let him up.  
  
We had decided on omelets for breakfast, and Duo was pre-grilling the onions as I chopped the mushrooms. Val was underfoot, as she usually was when we were in the kitchen. She nudged me when I wasn't expecting it, and I ended up cutting my hand.  
  
I swore and grabbed a paper towel. Duo was beside me a minute later. "Let me see," he said, tugging the towel.  
  
"It'll be okay in a minute," I told him, but Duo was not to be stopped.  
  
"Heero, let me..." he paused as he managed to get the towel pulled away. The shallow slice on my hand was already closing, the skin knitting itself together as he watched. "Oh..." His eyes were wide.  
  
"I told you," I muttered, wiping the blood off with the towel quickly.  
  
"That's amazing," Duo looked at me. "What else did J do to you?"  
  
"Just some things that make me damn hard to kill," I told him lightly. A strange expression passed over Duo's face as I picked up the knife, wanting to get off the topic. Duo, of course, didn't get the hint.  
  
"Why does it make you so uncomfortable to talk about it, Heero?" He asked.  
  
"The modifications make me feel less human." I replied honestly.  
  
"You shouldn't feel that way." He touched my hand, running his fingers along the palm. "Just because you heal fast doesn't make you inhuman." He lifted my hand up to his lips and kissed the palm. "You're a wonderful person and very human. Okay?"  
  
I had to remind myself to breathe. "Okay," I managed.  
  
The phone rang shattering the moment. Duo dropped my hand and I went to answer it.  
  
"Heero?" A tearful Hilde was on the other end.  
  
"Hilde? What's wrong?"  
  
"It's Relena..." She hiccupped, tears streaming down her face.  
  
"Did something happen to her?" Oh god, she hadn't gotten kidnapped again? Or shot at? A number of possibilities ran through my head and I gave Duo a panicked-filled look. He was already headed my way.  
  
"She... she..." Hilde was really sobbing now. Duo sat down next to me, nudging me over so that we could both look at Hilde.  
  
"Hilde, sweetie, take a breath," he told her. "It's not good for you to be so upset." She drew in a long shuddering breath. "Another one... Another... Good girl. Now, tell us what's wrong."  
  
"It's Lena," Hilde was still crying, though thankfully less so. "She's going to go on a trip next week."  
  
"Okay..." Duo said encouragingly.  
  
"Without me." Hilde ended.  
  
I'll admit that I was lost here. Relena had gone on several trips without Hilde recently. It only made sense- Hilde was too far along to travel. Was Relena going to miss the birth? Hilde wasn't due for another month.  
  
"And why does that upset you, sweetie?" Duo asked patiently. "Is she going to miss your due date?"  
  
My cell phone rang before I heard the answer. I glanced at Duo and he gestured for me to go answer it.  
  
I admit that I went to pick it up with a sigh of relief. I am not good with crying women. "Hello?"  
  
"Heero?" A voice snapped.  
  
"Relena?"  
  
"Did Hilde call you?" She sounded pissed. Great, I didn't do well with angry women either. I looked at Duo and mouthed the word 'Relena'. I saw amusement flickering in his eyes and snarled at him. "Heero?!" Relena snapped.  
  
"Uh yeah, Duo's talking to her." I answered without thinking.  
  
"Where is she?"  
  
"Huh?"  
  
"We had a bit of an argument this morning and she left." Relena explained huffily. "Where is she?"  
  
"I don't know..." I looked at Duo again. He was speaking softly to Hilde.  
  
"Well, FIND OUT!" I winced. Relena could be quite loud when she chose to be. I walked back over to the vidphone and sat down next to Duo again.  
  
"Hilde, Relena's on the phone. She wants to know where you are."  
  
"What does she care where I am? She doesn't care about me at all anyway!" Hilde was looking more furious than sad now.  
  
"Now, you know that's not true," Duo scolded gently.  
  
"That's NOT TRUE!" Relena snapped in my ear. "Tell her that Heero!" Oh good lord, I was beginning to feel like I was caught in a schoolyard fight.  
  
"She says that's not true, Hilde."  
  
"It is so or she wouldn't be going on that trip with that... that..."  
  
"He's a diplomat! I have to take him!" Relena yelled back, as if somehow Hilde could hear her over my phone line. I looked at Duo. He shook his head at me. No clue.  
  
"STOP IT!" I snapped in my best 'perfect soldier' tone. "This is just silly. Hilde, you are going to hang up and Relena is going to call you. You two can fight it out. Call us after the fight's over and we'll help you make up. We are not going to help you fight." I ran out of breath, but Duo jumped in.  
  
"You two know this is silly. Hilde, I know you don't want Relena going off right now, and I know Relena is feeling guilty that she has to go. I also know that you two love each other very much. So, work it out." He snapped off the vidphone and I hung up the cell.  
  
"Thanks Duo."  
  
"You got their attention. That was great. I usually have to yell louder than they do to make them stop."  
  
"They do this often?" I gaped at him.  
  
"They used to, especially at the beginning of their relationship. They like to fight, I think. Some people do." He grinned. "They'll call back in half an hour, problem solved and apologize for dragging us into it."  
  
"I hope so," I muttered and got up from the vidphone.  
  
"They will." He reassured me as he followed me back to the kitchen. "It seems odd to us, but then," he laughed. "Think what they must say about us! Every romantic relationship is different."  
  
I couldn't help but feel hopeful at his words- did he think we had that kind of relationship?, even as I wondered what had gotten into my other two friends.  
  
We ate breakfast, cleaned up the dishes and fed Val. I offered to start helping Duo search through the news stories from L2, but he refused.  
  
"We've spent enough time in front of the computer this week. Let's go for a swim- it's warm enough."  
  
We changed into bathing suits and T-shirts and walked down to the beach. It was pretty much deserted this early on a Sunday as the weekend tourists were packing up to go home and the vacationers were sleeping in. Val chased us into the water and then ran back and forth on the water's edge, dodging waves. We swam and splashed around a bit.  
  
I got out first, feeling waterlogged. Duo had definitely come out the winner in the splash battle. Val sat at the edge of my towel panting happily as we watched Duo bodysurf for a bit.  
  
Duo joined me on my towel and I raised a hand to fend off his wet braid as he toweled himself off briskly.  
  
"Watch it!"  
  
"Ha! You're just jealous," Duo plopped down next to me and tugged on my ponytail.  
  
"At least mine's not a weapon." I retorted.  
  
"That's why you're jealous." He laughed and leaned over to kiss me.  
  
I'm not really sure what happened. His mouth was cool and salty, and I remember pulling him closer to get a better taste.  
  
When my senses returned, I realized I was flat on my back, Duo sprawled on top of me, my hands tight on his back, wrapped in his braid and I was kissing him fiercely. I let him go quickly, scared that I had panicked him.  
  
Duo pushed himself up on his elbows and gave me a quizzical glance. "Why'd you stop?"  
  
"I didn't mean to do that," I apologized. "I got carried away." I sat up carefully, sliding him off of me gently.  
  
"It's okay to get carried away Heero." He told me, frowning slightly. "You're acting like you hurt me."  
  
"It's..." I took a deep breath and decided to come clean. "Look Duo, you know I love you. You have to know that I want you. But I don't want to push you into something you aren't ready for."  
  
"What if I am ready for it?" I took a deep breath.  
  
"You don't know how you feel yet," I looked out at the ocean, not meeting his eyes. "I don't want more until you're sure of how you feel. If you aren't and then you decide that you don't want this- I couldn't handle that."  
  
There was a long silence. I watched the waves roll in, hoping that I had not just wrecked any hope of there being anything more between us.  
  
Eventually I felt Duo scoot closer to me, and he put his head on my shoulder. His hand reached out for mine and I felt his fingers caress my palm.  
  
"But I do want this," he said in my ear. "I love you." 


	12. Doubting

Disclaimer: Gundam Wing is not mine.

Thanks for the reviews!!!

BTW I could kick myself. I remembered my Norse mythology wrong. Frey is not the son of Odin- he's actually his brother-in-law. But I am not changing Frey to Balder- I like Frey better. So, we're just going to say that Heero got it wrong.

WARNINGS: Angst.

That night, as I cradled him against me, I wondered why I wasn't as happy as I thought I would be. When Duo had told me that he loved me on the beach, I could've died right then and been contented. He kissed me, laughing at my shell-shocked expression and told me again.

I'd kissed him back, held him against me, and told him how happy he'd made me. We'd gone back to the house and to bed at his insistence.

It had been wonderful; beyond what I had hoped for but- something was wrong. Something was tugging at the fringes of my brain, the old war alert that something seemed out of place.

I ran over Duo's behavior in my head. He had been willing, eager, and responsive to my caresses. He'd whispered loving words in my ear, caressed me in return... no, there was nothing wrong there. I couldn't find anything to doubt there.

So what was it? I looked at the man curled up on my chest with a smile curving his lips. He was content, happy, if I was any judge. His arms were tight around me, his hair covering us both.

Maybe it was me. I had doubted we'd ever get to this point. Maybe I was having a hard time believing it. Duo shifted in his sleep, murmuring my name as he moved closer.

I was being silly. I firmly told myself to get to sleep. I had to go to work in the morning.

It was Thursday. Four days after Duo's confession on the beach. I stared at the computer screen, reading the article again, a small chill running down my spine. I glanced over at Duo. He was intent on whatever assignment Wufei had sent him and didn't notice my glance.

I looked back at the screen. I had finished my work early today and decided to skim through the L2 news articles for a while. Sheer luck had made me happen upon these little items. A random search for 'survivor children' and I had found my Duo. In a list of 40 articles, he was in three.

The first article I found had been on a disaster called the 'Maxwell Church Destruction'. Only one of the orphans from the church had survived. I could easily recognize Duo in the picture. Now I knew where he got the 'Maxwell' and why he didn't want to talk about it. Now I knew why he had worn that priest's uniform in the first war.

The second article was on the plague and the street children. There were pictures of the surviving children, huddled in doorways and hunched into corners on the streets. Duo was among one group- his unbraided hair a dead giveaway, a younger version of his Maxwell Church self. The article called for reform, wanted the government to do something about the children on the street. I guessed the church had been the answer in Duo's case.

The last article had been about a fire in a low-income apartment building. Most of the people inside had died, but one little boy survived. A woman had dashed past the firefighters and into the burning building. She had come back out again with the little boy held tight in her arms, a handkerchief around his face.

She had died moments later when she had again dashed back into the building, presumably to save someone else.

There was a picture of the little boy and a description. Older than two, but not three yet, with chestnut hair, violet eyes and a small birthmark on the back of his knee.

The same place Duo had one.

The little boy knew that he lived with his mommy and daddy and he pronounced his name as 'Kit'. The article asked for help in identifying the boy. Further searches turned up nothing. No one had stepped forward to claim him. There were no records of the families that had lived in the building.

No wonder he had called himself the God of Death.

I thought back to the way Duo's fingers had caressed my palm when he told me that he loved me. The same palm I had cut earlier and he had watched as the nanites mended it. I wondered if that was why he said he loved me. Was it only that? I squashed the thought, dismissing it from my mind. Not now.

I looked over towards Duo again. He was smiling now, tapping away on his keyboard and I was almost loath to say anything to him at all. I didn't know how he'd take this news. But I couldn't not tell him either.

"Duo?"

"Hmm?" He asked, his fingers not pausing.

"I think I found you."

Without speaking he got to his feet and came to stand beside me. I leaned back and let him read the article. He read it through twice, and I saw his lips form the word 'Kit'.

He sat down on my lap, eyes still focused on the screen, even as he leaned into my embrace.

"Do you recall it at all?"

"Kitten," he said in a soft voice. "She called me kitten." His eyes were wide as his fingers touched the screen.

"Who did?" His brow furrowed.

"I don't remember. Not well." He took in a deep breath. "Just- kitten. Not Kit."

"Hn." I frowned. Duo's fingers caressed the screen.

"Will you save this for me?"

"Of course," I told him and tapped a few keys. His lips brushed my cheek.

"Thank you Heero." Then he smiled faintly. "Your turn now."

"We didn't really find you," I protested.

"We found enough." He told me.


	13. Duo's Side

Disclaimer: GW is not mine.

WARNING PLEASE READ: This is not exactly a chapter of Afterwards. This is DUO's POV, not Heero's. I needed to straighten out how I thought Duo was reacting, so I wrote this to help me. Maybe it will help you. You don't need to read it for the plot- this is Duo's thoughts on the last couple of chapters.

Heero had been so patient with me for so long. His kisses, though sweet and deep, always felt restrained as if he was holding a part of himself back. I didn't understand it for a while, until we finally had the conversation that changed our relationship.

We were on the beach. I was teasing Heero about that ponytail of his, and I had leaned over to kiss him lightly. His arms had gone around me, his mouth urging me to deepen the kiss and I had happily given in.

But this kiss changed everything. His mouth turned demanding, his arms held on to me tightly, and I could do nothing but follow his lead. He wanted me and I wanted him- it was far past time as far as I was concerned.

I was rather disappointed when he let me go. "Why'd you stop?" I asked him.

"I didn't mean to do that," he apologized. "I got carried away." He slid me off of him and sat up, hunching in on himself. Oh gods, I needed to stop doing this to him. I needed to tell him how I felt. After all he had done for me, it was such a little thing. I needed to stop being afraid.

"It's okay Heero," I reassured him. But he didn't unhunch, and I got a bit cross. "You're acting like you hurt me."

"It's..." He started and then tried again. "Look Duo, you know I love you." Boy did I ever. Heero Yuy has never done anything less than halfway. He had set out to show me how much, and I could never doubt his feelings for me. "You have to know that I want you." That one I had been unsure about. He'd been sticking to kissing and holding me, nothing more. His explanation came after that. "But I don't want to push you into something you aren't ready for." Ah. Time to fess up. I gathered my courage.

"What if I am ready for it?" I asked him, and saw a flash of hope on his face that he quickly squashed. He did want me- I knew it now. Why wait?

"You don't know how you feel yet," He looked away from me, not meeting my eyes. "I don't want more until you're sure of how you feel. If you aren't and then you decide that you don't want this- I couldn't handle that."

The pain in his voice was evident. I could hurt Heero- so very easily. At least emotionally. Physically, nothing could hurt him- I'd seen it with my own eyes and that should be enough to quiet that inner voice that told me that everything Shinigami loved would die. Heero could survive anything.

He'd been beyond patient with me. When I first moved in, he hadn't pushed anything, waiting for me to come to terms with my feelings. When I asked for more, he gave it to me.

I'd always known Heero was special to me, that I cared about him more than anyone else. It wasn't until that day he got out of the hospital and he told me that he loved me that I realized why. Heero Yuy, the perfect soldier cared about me, for me, in a way no one else did. It hurt me that he stayed away. I looked for him, realizing that I needed him in my life. It didn't bother me that he felt that way about me- it gave me a warm glow of happiness that I should've realized meant that I more than just 'cared' for him. I had been running and hiding from my feelings for so long that I couldn't be honest even with myself.

That night that he sat on the steps with Quatre was a revelation for me. The idea that he loved me made me happy, but it was making him miserable. He was in pain and it was my fault. I couldn't stand by when he hurt because of me. Not when I could fix it.

I almost hadn't gotten a chance to. That crazy idiot had tried to sacrifice himself for the rest of us like he always had.

But he had survived. Heero Yuy always survived. He'd survive my love, I reassured myself. I scooted closer to him and put my head on his shoulder, sliding my fingers over the healed cut on his palm. Heero Yuy could survive everything, even my love. It was time to stop hurting him.

"But I do want this," I said in his ear, caressing that healed cut, reassuring myself even as I reassured him. "I love you."

I wished for a camera. He looked at me in startled bewilderment- I could just see the 'Did he just say what I think he said' thought going through his brain. Then came the delight. His face lit up with such joy that I nearly kicked myself for denying him this for so long because of my stupid fears.

I leaned forward and kissed him.

"I love you," I told him again, and the joy increased. I had never seen Heero like this, and my happiness grew at the thought that I could make him this happy. He kissed me back, joyous and exuberant, and that feeling of restraint was absent from his kiss.

"Gods Duo, do you know how happy I am?" He murmured against my cheek.

"I have an idea," I laughed back, his happiness spilling into me. "Come on, let's go home and you can show me."

"We don't..."

"I want to Heero." I met his eyes, trying to show him that he didn't have to be so careful around me anymore. I loved him too and he could stop being so restrained now.

I got to my feet and pulled him up with me, whistling for Val, who had wandered away, bored with our discussion.

We went back to the house where I proceeded to demonstrate just how much I was ready for this. I had held him tightly, returned his caresses, and whispered all the things I kept hidden from him these past months.

I had never been so happy.

It took me a few days to realize that Heero wasn't.

Oh, he didn't show it much, but he has a hard time hiding anything from me.

He kissed me, held me, made love to me, was as attentive as he had always been.

I tried my best to show him how much I loved him in return, but there was doubt in his eyes when he looked at me now.

I couldn't really blame him for that. I had made him wait so long- maybe he thought I was doing this out of misplaced guilt or something. That was my Heero, never truly realizing his own worth.

I tried to erase that doubt out of his eyes. I told him that I loved him. I kissed him, held him, made love to him, did my best to show him how I felt.

Sometimes I succeeded. That doubt disappeared and was replaced with a joy that told me more than words ever could how important I was to Heero.

Sometimes I failed, and it hurt. I wanted to yell at him- how could he doubt me? He knew I didn't lie! But I couldn't yell at him. He had been so patient with me while I figured out what I felt for him. I had to be patient in return.

Then Heero gave me something back that I had lost. A memory.

I had already given up on ever finding anything out about who I really was in those first few weeks we searched. A part of me was glad- what if my family wasn't anything to be proud of? What if they had dumped me on the streets on purpose because they hadn't wanted me?

But then, one Thursday, Heero found me and I realized my fears were groundless.

He held me after I read through the article he had found on the fire.

It was my mother who had pulled me out of that building. I knew it beyond a shadow of a doubt. How? I don't know.

She had called me kitten; I could almost hear her whispering the word in my ear, an impression of laughter and affection.

It was enough. I didn't need to find more. I didn't need to know what name I had been born with. She had cared about me; she had risked herself to save me. I didn't need more than that.

Heero's arms were around me, and for a moment, I was afraid. She had died to save me. Another person I loved dead. Would Heero die too because of me?

I reminded myself that I was being silly. Besides, I had seen Heero survive everything from self-destructing his gundam to being shot six times at point blank range. He'd survive me.

It was a moot point anyway. I needed Heero. I loved Heero. I could no more live without him now than I could without air. If he died, I'd follow- it was as simple as that.

I just wished I could figure out exactly what it was that was making him doubt me. I wanted- needed to fix this more than anything. I waited a week, still trying to show him that I loved him, not really wanting to force a confrontation. His doubt was my fault- I knew it.

But on Friday night, as we lay in bed, his hands stroking over my hair, I couldn't bear the doubt that rose in his eyes when I told him that I loved him.

I needed to fix this. Now.


	14. Shopping

Disclaimer: Gundam Wing is not mine. PLEASE READ: Just to keep the time line from getting confusing, let me point out that the beach conversation was Thursday, most of this chapter happens on Sunday and then we move to the Friday that Duo talks about at the end of his chapter. Okay? Hope that makes sense. I wanted to show you guys that Duo is trying like he said he was.

Thanks for all the reviews- I'm glad I didn't throw you off with Duo's side in the last chapter. So, now, back to our Heero...

I wasn't really happy with Duo's answer that we had found out 'enough' about him. We hadn't really found out anything beyond the fact that at the age of two he had been in a fire and someone had died to save him. On Sunday morning, I asked again if we should keep looking.

"No. I know enough, Heero. I'm content. It's your turn now."

"But we could still check the other colonies records, and then Earth's..."

"That would take forever." He snuggled down into my arms, tugging the covers tighter around us. "I'm happy with what we found, Heero. It's time to start looking for you." He glanced up into my eyes. "Unless you don't want to know..."

"I do." I looked at the clock. 9am. Since Duo and I had started using the bed for more than sleeping I had a harder time getting out of it in the mornings. It was too easy to stay curled up next to Duo's warmth. Duo laughed as if he could read my thoughts.

"Feeling too lazy to get out of bed?"

"Too comfortable," I replied.

"Mmm," he agreed, closing his eyes. "I could stay here with you all day."

"Don't tempt me," I told him. "You promised Wufei that you'd help him shop for Sally's birthday present."

"I did no such thing."

"Yes you did," I laughed at him. "You told Fei you'd meet him at noon, and you know it takes an hour to get to that mall. You'd better get up."

"I must've been crazy," he groaned as he dragged himself out of bed. "Going shopping with Fei? At a mall? He'll kill someone before the day is over."

"As long as it's not you," I got up and let Val out. She'd been patiently waiting at the foot of our bed for her lazy humans to get up and take care of her.

"You're coming with us, right?" Duo scrounged around for his clothes.

"I don't recall ever saying that I would." I replied loftily as I got Val's breakfast ready for her. "I was thinking..."

Duo pounced on me, pinning me back against the wall. "Oh no? You'd abandon me to a fate worse than death? I love you! Don't you care that you are sending me into the dragon's den without even a kind word..."

"The stage missed out when you didn't go into acting," I sighed, unable to resist my lover. "All right, I'll go. But you owe me for this Maxwell."

"I know it," Duo's voice shifted to a throaty purr and he rubbed up against me like a big cat. "I'll be_ very_ grateful."

"If you don't stop that," I told him conversationally, "we're going to be late meeting Wufei. Unless you're planning to cut your shower short."

"Spoilsport," Duo made a face and let me go. "It's a good thing I love you or I'd be very cross right now." He kissed me teasingly and headed for the bathroom.

I let Val in and she headed for her breakfast with enthusiasm. I sat down on the couch. The doubts that had plagued me since Thursday hadn't left. Did Duo truly love me? He sure said it a lot. Was he making up for lost time or trying to convince himself? I looked down at my chest, seeing the faint scars left behind. Was it my imagination, or had his hands lingered on those places when he said that he loved me?

I could curse myself for doubting him, but I knew my Duo. He wouldn't have called himself Shinigami if on some level he didn't believe it. Did he love me- or was it only because he thought I was strong enough to survive him?

Duo made it out of the shower in record time- the thought of an impatient Wufei waiting for us at the mall wasn't pleasant. I took my shower and got dressed. Duo came up behind me as I was pulling on my shoes.

"Forget something?" He teased as he pulled my hair back into a ponytail, twisting the rubber band with practiced ease.

"Thanks," I turned my head and accepted his kiss.

"Can't wait til it gets long enough to braid." I rolled my eyes at him.

"I'm not braiding it. I'd look stupid."

"No you wouldn't," he countered as he followed me out of the house. "I think you'd look great." He hopped into the car. "Of course, I think you always look great."

I had to smile. "I'm still not braiding it."

"You will," he informed me airily as I started the car. "You will fall prey to my faultless logic, great sense of fashion and outright pleading and you'll let me braid it."

"Okay yes, you do have a great fashion sense and yes, you know I can't resist your pleading- but faultless logic? Duo, I'd look stupid." I countered as we headed towards the freeway. "Not everyone can carry off a braid after all," I commented, trying to switch tactics.

"Flattery will get you no where." He laughed.

We managed to beat Wufei to the mall. I was grinning by the time we got there. Duo had, as always, kept me highly entertained in the car despite the drive.

"He's not here yet," Duo surveyed the entrance.

"We're early," I looked at my watch. "He'll be here in the next 5 minutes." Fei was punctual to a fault. I leaned against the wall near the door. "What do you want to do until he gets here?"

The expression of sheer mischief on Duo's face alarmed me.

"I have the greatest idea," he purred and stalked towards me. "We had to stop so suddenly this morning..."

"Am I going to like this idea? Is Fei going to hurt us over it?" I questioned as he leaned into me, pressing me up against the wall. Hadn't I been in this position once today?

"You'll like it. And Fei will learn to be on time." Duo kissed me then, not a casual 'public' kiss but deep and searching.

I should've protested. We were in a public place and Fei was on his way, but...

I can't resist when he kisses me like that.

It wasn't until we heard a: "_Maxwell! Yuy!_" that Duo finally let me go.

Wufei was standing beside us, an interesting expression on his face, cheeks slightly red. After a moment I realized that he was trying not to smile. "If you two don't mind, you did promise to help me today- remember?"

"You were late," Duo grinned. "I had to do something to keep out of trouble until you got here." Wufei rolled his eyes and turned to me.

"Many apologies Heero. Thank you for keeping him out of trouble until I got here." I had to laugh. Fei's tone was apologetic but the hint of a smirk on his face was too much to resist.

"Ah, he's never too much trouble..."

"I'm not six you know," Duo rolled his eyes, but he was amused too. "Did Sally give you a list?" He asked, changing the subject. He pushed away from me, but kept a firm grip on my arm as we headed into the mall.

"A list? Of course not. I'm supposed to know her well enough to know what she'd like," Fei groaned.

"Sally said that?" I asked.

"Yes."

"You poor, poor man."

"Don't sympathize with him Heero," Duo laughed. "It just means she's been dropping hints."

Duo managed, by careful questioning, to figure out what hints Sally was dropping. It was an easy task after that to find her gifts. We only had to make sure that Fei didn't insult any of the ladies who helped us out in the women's departments. At least some of his time with Sally had mellowed him, but he still growled over 'onnas that wasted his time'. Thank goodness for Duo's charm. He soothed several feathers that Fei had managed to ruffle.

We had lunch with Fei afterwards and he promised to let Duo know how Sally liked her gifts. Duo entertained me on the way home with the story of Fei and Sally's courtship, which I doubt was as amusing as he made it sound.

Though I could see Sally finally cornering Fei in the Preventers' break room with the demand that he either ask her out or quit frightening everyone else off. The expression on his face must've been entertaining to see.

Once we got home, I sat down on the bed to pull my shoes off.

"Tired?" Duo plopped down next to me and kicked off his sneakers.

"No- why?" That mischievous look was back on his face.

"Because," he launched himself at me, knocking me flat onto the bed. "Every time I got you in a good position today we had to stop."

"Ah," was all I managed to get out.

...........................................

A week passed. Duo was affectionate, loving, everything I had ever wanted him to be. He told me that he loved me and most of the time it was easy to believe him. Sometimes though I couldn't help doubting him. I'd see the way his eyes lingered on my scars, or he'd tease me about being 'nigh invulnerable' and I'd start to wonder again.

Friday night we had opted to stay home instead of going out with my coworkers. Since we had started the physical side of our relationship only a week ago, it was far more tempting to stay at home in bed then go out dancing.

Duo was curled up on my chest, his hand stroking over the scars the bullets had left. Kelley's gun- and his. I wished I knew what he was thinking about. He looked up to meet my eyes.

"I love you," he said softly.

"I love you too," I replied, even as I doubted. His expression changed then, and he sat up straight, his eyes burning with something I couldn't classify. Anger? What had I done?

"You don't believe me," his eyes met mine and his voice was flat. "You know I don't lie, Heero! Why don't you believe me?" He continued before I could even think to speak. "I made damn sure to know how I felt about you before I said anything!"

"Duo-" I sat up as well, but he evaded my hand when I reached for him.

"I know I made you wait. I know that you have a hard time seeing your own worth- but Heero, it's hurting me to see the doubt when you look at me." His voice had dropped. "What do I have to do?"

I had to be honest with him. I could hear the pain in his voice; see it in his expression.

"Why do you love me?" I asked him and he blinked. "Is it because I'm-" I had to take a breath, my control was failing me. "Because I'm hard to kill? I know how many people you've loved that have died Duo. Do you love me because you think I'll survive you?"

I know I was a bit incoherent, but Duo understood. I recognized the expression on his face and inside, my heart felt like it was cracking.

I hadn't wanted to be right.


	15. Duo's Lecture

Disclaimer: Gundam Wing is not mine. Sorry for the little delay- school is starting, so we are back to the once a week updates. As always- in the great forest of life, all I have to offer is the sap.

...................................................................................................

I suddenly didn't want to be here, in bed, about to have this discussion with Duo. I didn't want to hear what I knew he would say. I got to my feet while he was still looking at me in shock, threw on my jeans and left the house at a near-run.

Hadn't I done this before? When I left him on a crowded street corner after telling him that he was the one I loved? Left him staring after me in shock? Was history going to repeat itself?

I ran down the beach, feet slipping in the sand, not sure of where exactly I was running to, just away. I needed to get away from him. Away from that look on his face that told me I had hit too close to home, too close to his true feelings.

The sand under my feet was damp, the waves soaking the edges of my jeans and the cold was like a shock, slapping me back into my senses.

What was I doing?

I stopped on the water's edge and a moment later nearly fell in as Duo practically tackled me. I don't know how I managed to keep my balance and not fall into the freezing water.

His arms caught me tight around the waist even as I struggled for balance. He pulled me backwards, away from the water's edge and up into the drier sand.

Then his arms released me and he pushed me down.

Contrary to popular belief, sand is not soft. It is little pieces of rock after all. I landed nearly flat on my back and then Duo sat down on my stomach. Hard.

"Oof!"

"What the hell did you think you were doing?" He demanded. "Don't you ever do that to me again Yuy! Do you understand me? You run off on me one more time and I will shoot you." He leaned forward so we were practically nose-to-nose. "I am sick of you running off all the time!" He growled.

"What?" I managed, still struggling for a deep breath.

"You know what I mean!" Duo snapped back. "Three years ago- 'Love you Duo' and you vanish for years! Not to mention the 'I'll go off and confront the bad guy by myself' speech that I've gotten how many times? You run way more than I ever have!"

Ouch. That stung. He was right though.

"Duo-"

"No! You are going to listen to me, this time. I don't lie and you know it! _I love you_. And yes," his hands brushed my scars, "this... ability of yours has helped me say it."

I opened my mouth, but he slapped a hand over it.

"My turn, remember? I said it helped me _say_ it. Not helped me _feel_ it! I don't just love you because Dr. J gave you a freaking healing factor! I love you because you're you!"

I blinked at him in surprise. He was really upset with me. He wouldn't be this upset if he didn't really care- would he?

"Don't you start!" He snapped. Start what? He wouldn't let me talk! "Listen to me Heero! Don't try and explain my love away. Don't do this to us." He moved his hand away from my mouth and put his head down on my chest. "I love you. You drive me crazy sometimes and right now I want to beat the crap out of you but I still love you- you idiot!"

I put my arms around him carefully, hearing the slight hitching tone in his voice.

"I've lost a lot of the people that I loved. I figured I was cursed, that it wasn't safe for me to care about anyone that way. But I fell in love with you anyway." I tightened my hold on him. "Yes, I figured if anyone could survive me, it was you. That's why it was safe to tell you how I felt. I've seen you come back from things that would've killed anyone else. But that's not why I love you."

He raised himself up a bit to look in my eyes. "I love you because you're my best friend. Because you laugh at my stupid jokes. Because you put my life before yours. Because you make my life better just by being in it." He drew in a deep breath. "And because even if I am cursed and you die, I don't want you to go alone. I want to be with you even then."

His explanation was hesitant, his voice hoarse as he explained. My doubt tried to rise up again, but it couldn't. I couldn't doubt Duo anymore. He did love me.

It was like that first moment all over again. Then I realized how very close I had come to destroying what was between us all on my own. I would have to be more careful in the future.

"I'm sorry Duo. So very sorry..."

"Stop it," he frowned slightly. "I know you are. I accept your apology." He got to his feet and pulled me up after him. "Just... don't do it again, okay?" I heard the hurt under the light tone and mentally berated myself.

"Okay," I agreed, sliding an arm around his waist. "I love you too, Duo."

"I know it," he smiled, his frown vanishing. "You've never let me doubt it. Let me return the favor now."

I kissed him then and he leaned into me, shivering in the cold, though his mouth was warm.

"Let's go inside," I released his mouth and tugged him towards the house. "It's freezing."

"You're the one who came out here," he reminded me, as he cuddled closer to my side. "We could've just had this discussion in our nice warm bed. Now, unless Val has curled up in our place, the bed is going to be cold again."

"We'll warm it up," I told him and he grinned.

"I'm holding you to that, Yuy. You owe me." His tone was teasing and he smiled at me.

I did owe him. More than I could ever repay. Only Duo would forgive me so easily, and yet I knew the hurt I had done to him would be a long time fading.


	16. Searching

Disclaimer: Gundam Wing is not mine. Thanks to everyone for the reviews!! If you've read my other posts today, you're probably wondering if this is the last Afterwards chapter. Ha! Not even close. I told you tons, and I meant tons. Again, if you're wondering what the heck else I'm working on now that R&H and DH are finished- check the LJ.

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

I woke up the next morning before Duo as I always did. He was curled up next to me, one arm over my chest, that gorgeous hair of his spread out over us like a blanket.

I let my fingers slide through the strands gently. Duo didn't even twitch. He had been exhausted by the time we finally had fallen asleep. I think the both of us felt that we had something to prove, and in typical male fashion, went overboard. I cuddled him closer to me, reminding myself of my resolution. I had come so close to destroying our relationship with my doubts. I needed to be more careful from now on.

I didn't want to get up. It was comfortable and warm in our bed and I was tempted to stay here for a while longer.

Val must've felt me move though, because a cold nose touched my elbow a minute later. She was sitting next to the bed, her eyes focused on me and I could hear the slight thump of her tail against the floor. I squinted at the clock. It was after nine. No wonder she was right there. I was surprised that she hadn't jumped on the bed and tried to wake us up.

"Sorry girl," I whispered to her and slid out from under Duo's arm. Her tail wagged faster as I located a pair of pajama pants and put them on.

I let her out and then went to get her breakfast. I paused to stretch, thinking that maybe I'd be very lazy and go back to bed afterwards. Duo and I didn't have any plans for the day, and the thought of a bed with a warm Duo in it was very tempting.

I let Val back in and she headed towards her food bowl with happy enthusiasm. I was heading back to bed with the same feeling, but the phone rang before I got there.

I went to answer it wondering who'd be calling so early on Saturday. Then I laughed at myself. When had I started thinking that 9 was early?

"Heero!" Relena smiled at me. "I'm sorry- did I wake you?"

"No, Val did, about 10 minutes ago. What's up?" Relena looked aglow with happiness. Something good must've happened.

"Congratulate me," she laughed with delight. "I'm a mommy."

"You are?" I smiled back at her. "When?"

"As of 2 am this morning."

"Everything go okay?"

"Just great." She laughed happily again.

"What's going on?" Duo sat up in bed and blinked at me.

"Hilde had the baby," I told him. He practically jumped out of bed so he could join me by the phone. He pushed me over a bit so he could look at Relena too.

"How's Hilde? How's the baby?" He asked eagerly.

"She's fine. She's sleeping now, or I'd let you talk to her." Relena told him. "The baby is doing great. She's sleeping too, or I'd let you see her."

"I'm sure we'll get tons of pictures," I teased Relena. "When can we come see the new arrival?"

"Next weekend?" Relena asked hopefully. "I'd say this one, but Hilde is exhausted and..."

"Of course she is," Duo interrupted. "Besides, you want some time to adjust to being a family." Relena nodded.

"Exactly. So, can we count on her godfathers coming to visit next weekend?" I blinked.

"You mean it 'Lena?" I asked. I knew Duo was one already...

"Of course," she smiled at me. "Godparents are supposed to protect the child and step in if anything happens to the parents, right? I think you qualify on the 'protect' alone." She tilted her head to the side. "You did a good job with me after all. My brother and Lu are the other set, so Iren will have plenty of protectors."

"Is that the name you decided on?" Duo asked, saving me from having to make a reply. I was still in shock.

"It is. Isn't it pretty? It means 'peace'."

"I like it," he nudged me with his elbow. "I bet you've got some other calls to make..."

"Tons," Relena grinned. "I'll email you the details for the weekend, okay?"

"Okay. Give our love to Hilde." Duo grinned back.

"I will! Bye-bye!" Relena hung up. Duo turned to look at me.

"You okay there, lover?"

"I didn't think she'd want me to..."

"Why not?" Duo kissed my cheek. "We'll be the best godparents ever."

I laughed at his assured tone. "If you say so, Duo."

"I do." His expression changed. "Speaking of parents- isn't it time for us to start your search?"

"Duo, we really didn't find..."

"I told you. We found enough." He slid an arm around me. "Now it's time to look for you. Where do we start?"

"Well," I frowned over at the computer. "With space accidents I guess. Look for survivors in the right age range."

"Will we run the birth certificate search too?"

"We can. But I don't know where to start on that one. Dr. J was on L1, but I don't think Odin and I were from there."

"Maybe Odin would be a good place to start then too." Duo got to his feet and stretched. "Why don't we have breakfast, grab a shower and look? I'll look for Odin, you can look up space accidents." There was no arguing with Duo in this mood. He was determined to start my search, despite the lack of a true answer for his.

"All right," I agreed.

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

Space accidents are never fun things to read about. Especially when you were born in space. After about ten of them I was feeling thankful that I lived on Earth and was wondering if I ever wanted to go to space again.

Duo made a startled noise and I looked over at him, hoping that he'd found something on Odin. Granted, we'd only been looking for a few hours, but it would give me something else to look at. Even if he didn't, I was going to suggest that we quit and go for a run or get lunch or something. Anything!

"What?" I asked him.

"You said Odin died right?"

"Yeah," I stood up and went to go lean over his shoulder. "Why?"

"Look," Duo tapped the screen. "I forgot to filter the list with the deceased variable when I was running the search on Earth."

"He can't be alive," I stared at the screen. It was a residential listing for an Odin Lowe. Current bills were paid, utilities kept up... no. He had died in front of me! Even then I had known what death looked like. "It must be another Odin Lowe."

Duo's fingers flew over the keys. "Let's see if we can get... ah, here."

Odin Lowe's identification information appeared on the screen. Name, birthdate, address and picture. No date of death was listed.

My eyes went immediately to the picture.

Odin.

"Oh gods..." I reached out to touch the screen hesitantly. "It's Odin. How?"

"I don't know." Duo leaned back into me. "Do you want to go for a visit? It's just a quick hop to the next continent."

"I..." Did I want to see Odin? He might have the answers I needed, but still- how had he survived? I had seen him die, damn it!

"Heero?" Duo had turned around in his seat so that he could face me. "We don't have to do it right away you know." I looked down at him. His eyes met mine, level and steady. "We can go whenever you're ready."

I managed a smile for him. "I think I need to go." I told him. "You don't mind coming with me?"

"You know I don't, lover." He reached up and kissed me. "Call Marie and ask her to watch Val. I'll call the airport. We can be there tomorrow morning."

"Work?"

"Oops, yeah, we'll call them too. We might not be back before Monday. We're owed some time anyway, right?"

"Right." I relaxed a bit. I could do this. Duo would be with me.

I looked back at the screen as he went to call Une. Odin's picture looked back at me, that odd half-smile of his floating around his lips.

Was he really still alive?


	17. Flying Another Duo POV

Disclaimer: Gundam Wing is not mine.

Thanks for the reviews!!!

I apologize in advance. I really didn't like how this played out in Heero's POV, so, as I sometimes do, I went back and wrote it in Duo's hoping to gain some perspective. Duo's came out better. (Maybe it's because Deliveryman and Run & Hide are over and Duo's claiming some time. I don't know.) So, here is the next chapter of Afterwards. This is DUO'S POV, again. Heero will be back next chapter- I promise! Sorry.

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I didn't wait for Heero to change his mind. As I contacted Marie and Une and made flight arrangements, I made him pack our duffels. If I kept him busy, he might not have time to think of ways to back out. I sent email to the others, letting them know where we were going in case things went bad as Heero called Ange.

I knew Heero had been working himself too hard before I moved in with him. Ange told him to take the week off. He had plenty of vacation time built up, according to her. I wondered how much, but Heero had cut her off before she could say. Obviously quite a bit- I'd have to come up with a good way to use some of it. I made a mental note to check with Ange when we got back.

We were at the shuttle port a few hours later. Heero looked a bit dazed when we sat down to wait for our flight to be called. I guess I had rushed this a bit, but I didn't want him to change his mind.

I had seen the look on his face when Odin's picture had popped up on my computer screen.

He needed to do this.

"You okay?" I asked him when the silence had gotten to be too much for me.

"Yeah," he smiled for me then. "Just recovering from 'Hurricane Maxwell'." I knew that wasn't what was bothering him, but I also knew that he'd tell me eventually- whether he wanted to or not.

"I'm not that bad, Yuy!" I protested, playing along. "There was no reason to hesitate!"

"Didn't G ever tell you that you had to make a plan before rushing into situations like this?"

"We have a plan," I retorted. "We get to Europe, get a hotel, and when it gets to be a reasonable hour, we go and hunt Odin down. Then we corner him and ask why the hell he didn't die like he was supposed to." As I hoped, that got me a chuckle.

The flight attendant called our flight and we got to our feet.

"Mission accepted," Heero muttered to me and I grinned back at him.

I knew this had to be hard for him. I had heard the wistful tone in his voice when he talked about Odin. There was a reason that Heero had changed his name to honor Odin- he had genuinely cared for the man, despite his profession. It had taken a lot for him to share Odin's memory with me, as I knew the memory depressed him.

But he had still done it. It amazed me sometimes to realize how much Heero cared for me. He had shared his memories with me without protest when I asked, despite the pain, even when I had hidden some of mine from him.

We found our seats and I took the one by the window. We settled in and listened to the flight attendant go through her routine. Heero was frowning again, deep in thought. I doubted they were pleasant ones. After we were in the air and the engine noise died down a bit, I decided to do something about it.

Sometimes the direct approach works the best. I poked him in the ribs. "Stop that!" I told him.

He jumped a bit and gave me a shocked look. "Stop what?"

"Brooding. Talk to me, don't close yourself up. Tell me what you're thinking."

Heero's response wasn't anything like I had been expecting. "Something's not right."

"Huh?" Was my intelligent answer. I had been thinking he was going to tell me that he was nervous or concerned about seeing Odin again.

"Something was wrong with that ID screen."

"What?"

"I don't know what- that's just it!" The frustration was evident in his voice. "I know something was wrong with it- but I can't put my finger on it." He was frowning again. "This is really bothering me Duo- I saw him die!"

"You might have been mistaken," I countered. Heero thought about that for a moment and I knew he was replaying the memory in his head. I reached out and took his hand in mine, holding on tight. He blinked and his fingers squeezed mine back before letting go.

"I don't think I was," he said after a moment.

The stewardess reached our seats with the drink cart. "Would either of you gentlemen like something?"

"Water," Heero told her and she fished a bottle from her cart.

"Coffee for me please, Jane," I told her after automatically scanning her name badge. She smiled and picked up a cup.

"He wants decaffeinated," Heero told her. Her hand moved to a different cup.

"I do not!" I protested.

"Yes you do." He countered. "You'll be bouncing off the walls otherwise."

"I will not! I need the caffeine to stay awake."

"No, you don't. You have plenty of time for a nap." He looked up at Jane. Her green eyes were dancing with laughter. "Decaffeinated please."

"Yes sir." She handed him the cup and he gave it to me. "Would you like cream or sugar sir?" she asked me.

"Cream please." Gods only knew what Heero would say to sugar. She handed me the little creamers and moved on down the aisle. "You are so bossy," I muttered at Heero.

"You love me anyways," he smirked. That made me smile.

"Of course I do." At least the idiot was trying. After our conversation last night I had hoped I had finally convinced him that I did love him. I could only wish that his doubts wouldn't start up again.

I repressed a shiver. Damn, he had scared me badly when he'd just taken off like that. The last time he'd left me after that kind of conversation, he'd vanished for three years.

Last night he'd run down to the water's edge.

I panicked. I remembered standing in the cool darkness of his house, listening to him pour his heart out to Quatre on the other side of the door. I remembered listening to him tell Quatre that the only other thing he could do to get over me would be to walk out in the waves and never come back.

When he'd fled from me and headed towards the ocean I thought my heart would stop. I had chased after him, slipping on the sand, beyond panicked, knowing that if he went into that icy water I'd never have the chance to clear the misunderstanding between us.

Knowing that I'd follow him anyway.

"Duo?" Heero's hand was on mine again, his fingers tight. "Are you okay?" I blinked. He was looking at me with concern, and I took a deep breath.

"Fine," I freed my hand from his with a reassuring squeeze and mixed the cream into my coffee. A topic switch was in order. "So, what explanation can you come up with for what we found, if Odin is dead?"

Heero frowned again and I could almost see that remarkable mind of his sorting and discarding possibilities. I waited patiently, drinking my coffee as he thought.

"I don't know," he admitted after awhile. "If Odin was dead- reported or not, the entry should've been marked 'missing, or presumed dead'. But his accounts are active."

"Someone else could be using those accounts," I suggested.

"To pay utilities? It seems a bit simple. Why not just sell everything off? Why keep up the appearance that he's..." Heero stopped.

"Heero?"

"The picture," Heero looked at me. "That's what was wrong. With active accounts the pictures are updated- you have to go in and have your picture taken every five years. Odin's picture- he was the same as I remembered him. He should look older than that."

"Then someone else is using the account." I frowned. "But how are they getting around the picture? You have to go in person after all."

"Hacking the system?"

"Possible. But why? Why keep up the appearance that he's alive?"

"I have no idea," I admitted. "Suppose we'll find out when we get there." I yawned then, exhaustion catching up with me.

"Unless it's a trap," Heero tapped his water bottle, which rested still unopened on his tray.

"A trap for who?" I replied before thinking it through. Then it hit me. Shit. "Who'd be after you? Did anyone see you with him that day?"

"Other than Trieze? I have no idea." Heero replied flatly.

I blinked at him. What the hell?

"Trieze saw you?"

"I shot his mobile suit that day." I waited for a minute, but Heero didn't continue.

There are times when Heero can drive me crazy.

"You shot Trieze?"

"No, his mobile suit. With a rocket launcher. Though to be fair, he might not have known who the hell I was." Heero finished, evidently thinking that was enough information, and I resisted the urge to smack him.

"You didn't mention that."

"I didn't know it til years later when I read the reports." Heero met my eyes. "It was after my little attack that Trieze ended up in the hospital where he met Leia Barton."

Which led to fathering the child that started the Mariamaia Rebellion.

"You sure get around, don't you?" I shook my head, keeping my tone light. If I knew my Heero he had no doubt beaten himself up with guilt for that little incident numerous times. Despite the fact that he would've had to have been psychic to have avoided it. "Well, I doubt that this is some great plot on Trieze's part- he is dead after all."

"I agree. It's also not his style." Heero nodded in agreement. I yawned again and he gave me a faint smile. "Get some rest Duo. We'll figure it out when we get there."

"That's quite a statement coming from 'Mr. Mission'," I teased and leaned against his arm. The cabin lights were dim due to the lateness of the hour. It would be easy enough to fall asleep for a while. Heero's shoulder was comfortable. "You sound like me."

"Guess you just have that effect on me." I could hear the smile in his voice. "Get some sleep." His mouth brushed the top of my head affectionately.

A harsh whispered insult broke the mood. Even in this day and age, certain prejudices still exist. I felt Heero tense under my cheek. I glanced up at the unfortunate man across from us who had dared to whisper _that_ word in derision. The jerk looked pale and a bit frightened. I didn't have to guess about what had scared him. I twisted my head a bit to look at Heero.

My lover was staring at the jerk, the look on his face reminiscent of the war, the cold hard mask that told you that the wearer would kill you without thinking twice. I had seen it directed at me many times, not realizing that it was a mask.

This time though, I wasn't so sure. But I didn't really feel like intervening to save some prejudiced jerk's life. Instead I let my mouth curl up in Shinigami's smile as I thought about how much fun it would be to choke the man with his own tie.

Heero's mask promised a quick death. Mine promised that I would delight in every minute of pain first. I imagine the combination was a bit disconcerting. It had been in the past.

The jerk paled further. In the dim lights of the cabin he looked ghost-white and I wondered if we could make him faint. His eyes darted back and forth between Heero and I, and I knew that he wanted to look away, but didn't dare.

Still smiling at him, I leaned up to whisper in Heero's ear. I'm sure the man thought that I was telling Heero how we should slaughter the jerk, but instead I whispered a suggestion of how we should spend some time in our hotel room.

Heero did not blush. But his expression turned faintly depraved and he turned his head slightly to brush his lips over my cheek.

"Should we really talk about this now?" He murmured in my ear, his breath dancing across my cheek. I slid my cheek against his caressingly.

"I'm trying to make him faint." I breathed back in his ear and his lips curved into the smile I was hoping for. The one that echoed mine.

The man across from us rose to his feet and fled down the aisle to the bathrooms.

"Bet we don't see him for the rest of the flight," Heero shook his head and turned to kiss me gently. "Evil, Duo. That was evil."

"But satisfying," I pointed out. "That will be the last time he makes a comment like that where someone can hear him." Heero took a deep breath, fighting a real smile.

"Get some rest, troublemaker." The affection in his voice made me feel warm. I curled back down on his shoulder and closed my eyes.


	18. Family

Disclaimer: Gundam Wing is not mine.

Thanks to all the reviewers and to my LJ ladies!

We're back to Heero as promised.

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Duo took charge once again when we got off the plane. I was left to follow in his wake as he pushed us through customs, got us a rental car and charmed the clerk into recommending a good hotel.

"It's 3 am," he told me firmly as we headed out to the car. "We're going to get some sleep before we tackle this."

"Yes sir," I smiled for him as I shifted my bag to a more comfortable position. He grinned back and then his eyes looked past me. For a moment his expression darkened.

I turned my head to see what he was looking at and recognized the rude man from the plane. After Duo had scared him the guy hadn't come back from the bathrooms until the plane was ready to land. Then he had sat stiffly, staring straight ahead, avoiding eye contact with us at all cost. Now the guy was in line at the car counter, his eyes nervously darting back and forth between Duo and me.

"Duo," I said softly and his gaze snapped back to me. "Hotel- sleep remember? Not torture- moron."

"You're wrecking my fun," he pouted and shot one last Shinigami-grin towards the moron before yielding to the pull I was administering to his arm.

I can't say that I rested easy that night, or even that I got much sleep despite Duo's best efforts to help me relax. I just couldn't help but wonder what would be waiting for me the next day.

Duo made sure that I had a cup of coffee the next morning. I didn't have the stomach for anything else.

It was an easy matter to find the address.

It was an old apartment building, on a small quaint side street. The neighborhood looked like a picture postcard, and one of those places where private business meant your neighbors knew about it before you did. It didn't look like the kind of place an assassin would choose to live.

We had gotten a few curious stares as we wandered around looking for the address, but Duo had the foresight to bring a camera so that we would look like a pair of harmless tourists.

I mounted the steps of the apartment building, heart thudding in my chest. It was the kind that you had to buzz to be let in. I knew the apartment number was 4D. Glancing to the side, I saw Duo nod encouragingly at me.

I rang the bell.

"Who's there?" A harsh voice demanded. It didn't sound familiar.

"I'm here to see Odin Lowe," I managed. There was silence for a moment.

"Look towards the camera, kid." The name startled me. That's what Odin had called me, when he bothered to call me anything at all.

The camera was mounted on the other side of the door. I looked up towards it.

"It is you. I'd know that face anywhere. C'mon in. I'm in apartment 1C." Duo and I looked at each other, speechless. Who knew me?

The door buzzed and I pushed it open. One-C? But we had rung Four-D's bell.

The occupant of 1-C was waiting for us in the hallway. He was a tall thin man with graying hair. He looked faintly familiar.

"Odin always said that you'd come back." The man smiled. "I guess he was right."

"Do you know me?" I asked him.

"Course I do. You were too young to really remember me now. But I was here when Odin took you to live with him." The man handed me a set of keys. "Go on up the stairs- it's on the left."

"But wait..."

"Sorry kid, that's all he wanted me to tell you. When you showed up I was to give you the keys. Any questions you have will be answered upstairs." The man stepped back into his apartment and closed the door in our faces.

I was tempted to knock it down. Duo's hand on my arm stopped me.

"Let's go upstairs first," he said reasonably. "If your questions aren't answered, then we'll come back and talk to him."

I nodded in agreement. Duo left his hand on my arm, a comforting weight, as we headed towards the stairs.

It wasn't a long climb, but it seemed to take forever to reach the fourth floor. The door to 4-D was on the left. Duo and I looked at each other. He went to one side of the door and I went to the other. Cautiously I turned the keys in the lock and pushed the door inwards.

Nothing happened. Duo gave me a sheepish smile.

I stepped into the apartment and paused.

It was a riot of color. The carpet was black, but the furniture was all different colors: the sofa was red, an overstuffed chair was purple, and the bookcases were a deep blue. The walls were hung with colorful prints of large birds and exotic locals. It was a striking contrast that somehow worked.

There was no way that Odin had lived here.

Duo let go of my arm and ventured a few steps beyond me into the room. I closed the door behind us automatically.

"Heero," Duo pointed to the table in front of the couch. Sitting among colorful stuffed animals and piles of books was an envelope with the word 'Kid' on the front.

Odin's handwriting.

I stared at it for I don't know how long before I heard Duo take a deep breath. A gentle arm went around my shoulders and he guided me to a chair. I sat down in a small puff of dust and picked up the envelope.

Duo knelt beside me, his hand on my leg, a comforting presence in the midst of my confusion.

He waited patiently until I summoned up the nerve to break the seal and pull out the sheet of paper inside.

My hands were trembling.

The words were written in Odin's dark bold hand and I found myself shaking as I read the first words on the page.

_Kid- _

_Welcome home._

I closed my eyes and I felt Duo's hand tighten.

"Heero?" He said softly.

"I can't read this," I admitted, feeling the tears sting the back of my eyes. "I can't." I hadn't been prepared for this.

Gentle fingers tugged the note from my grasp. Duo leaned against my knees and read out loud:

_Kid- _

_Welcome home. This apartment belonged to your parents. I doubt you remember it. They died when you were three or so in a shuttle malfunction on the way back from visiting friends on L2. _

_Your mother was my younger sister. You inherited her eyes. Sometimes when I look at you I wonder what she would've thought about me dragging you into my world. I'm sure she would've damned me for it. _

_I'll know by the time you get this letter. The only way you could've found it was if something happened to me. I knew you'd go looking for your past someday and so I left your parents apartment for you. _

_Everything is the same as it was when they left for L2. It's been cleaned occasionally, but everything is here, has been here, waiting for you. As you can tell, your mother was a lively vibrant person, and your father besotted enough to put up with her idea of decorating. _

_If there are questions here that you need answered, your aunt lives not too far away from here- or she did as of the time I wrote this letter. At the very least you can track her down if she's still alive, the last of the Lowe family- except for you- and you are half Ohkami as well. _

_Best of luck, nephew. _

_Odin. _

"There's a name, Idun Lowe, and an address," Duo finished. I hadn't realized that I had tangled my fingers in his braid until he tried to turn his head and I heard a soft "Ouch."

"Sorry," I let him go and opened my eyes. He was looking at me anxiously. I searched for something to say to reassure him. I couldn't even put a name to my emotions- how could I share them with him? "It's all... a lot to absorb." I tried.

"I know it." He smiled for me and got to his feet, putting the letter gently on the table. "Want to look around?"

I took the hand he offered to me and got to my feet. Together we studied the posters on the wall, the shelves of books, the knickknacks. I didn't let go of Duo's hand.

These were my parents' belongings. They chose them, set them in these places, maybe argued playfully over placement.

I wished I could remember.

We studied the shelves closely, traveling slowly across the room. I wondered at the lack of pictures until we stepped into the narrow hallway and Duo flicked on the light.

The walls were lined with photographs.

I walked down the hallway slowly. A blonde lady with laughing blue eyes, a brown-haired man with Japanese features were in nearly every picture. Laughing, kissing, holding hands, smiling- happy and alive.

I looked like my father- the same build, the same hair- his messier than mine, the same features- all but the eyes. Odin was right. Those I had inherited from my mother.

"How are you doing love?" Duo asked me as we stared at the photographs.

"Overwhelmed," I managed and tugged him closer to give him an apologetic one-armed hug. "I'm sorry... I just..."

"I understand." My lover squeezed me back and then let me go so that I could continue my slow progress down the hall. He kept his hand in mine though, and I held on to him tightly.

Most of the pictures were of my parents. In one or two I recognized Odin. Sometimes there were other people- a man and a woman who looked familiar, but I couldn't place them. The woman had black hair and was always laughing; the man had brown hair and a charming smile. I wondered if they were more relatives and if they were still alive.

Further down the hallway the curve of my mother's stomach started to show. Then there were pictures of _me_.

Lots of pictures. Me with my parents together and separately. Me with Odin. Me and that other couple and another little boy. Laughing and smiling. Happy.

I heard Duo chuckle to himself. I looked at him and he tapped a picture with his finger. In it, I was glaring at the camera.

"So cute, even then." Duo teased. I found a smile for him. The pictures stopped when I looked to be about three or so. The rest of the hallway was empty, the walls bare- incomplete.

We reached the end of the hallway and discovered my parents' bedroom. The riot of color was toned down in here- just blues and reds. As I looked at the wedding picture on the wall Duo let go of my hand and wandered through another doorway.

"Heero," he said, and I couldn't place the tone in his voice. I went to stand beside him.

The room was decorated in shades of green, the walls painted with tree trunks. The ceiling was dappled with green and yellow giving the impression that we were standing in a grove of trees.

The child-sized bed had a leaf-print cover and a wooden box marked 'Toys' sat at the foot.

My room?

All of a sudden it was too much. I turned and went back down the hallway, nearly bolting for the front door. Duo caught me before I reached it, his arms going around me tightly.

"It's all right," he murmured over and over in my ear.

"I have to get out of here, Duo," I pleaded with him, knowing my control was failing me. "I need..."

"I know." Duo let me go for a moment and scooped both the letter and the keys off the table. "We can come back later- when you've assimilated some of this."

I focused on following him out of the building, down the stairs and back to the rental car. Once inside he tugged me back into his arms, uncomfortable as it was in such a cramped space, and held me tight.

"How can I miss them when I don't even remember them? Why now?"

I hadn't expected an answer. But Duo always has one for me.

"Because now you know what they would've been like. You can see the kind of people they were. You know enough to miss them."

In the middle of all of my emotional confusion that rang a bell. I looked up at Duo.

"Is that why you said that you knew enough?" He blinked at me.

"I suppose so. In my case it was just knowing that someone cared." Duo brushed my bangs out of my face. "I would say that your parents cared about you as well. That was obvious." His voice was warm. "I know that it's overwhelming up there for you. Do you want to take a break? Maybe go see if anyone is at your aunt's address?"

That's a break? I thought, and then reconsidered. Duo and I had only looked at rooms and pictures. There might have been videos or diaries as well, but a real person might be able to tell me more than even those could.

"All right," I agreed. Duo let go of me and fished in the backseat for the map.

After rapidly flipping through pages he let out a short crow of triumph. "It's only a few streets away!"

Another charming street with old buildings. This time though we found ourselves in front of a house, rather than an apartment building. I sincerely doubted that my aunt still lived here after all this time, but maybe the person who did could tell us something.

We walked up the steps and Duo admired the roses growing up the walls. There was no bell, so he knocked. We heard footsteps approaching the door.

The door swung open and I blinked.

The woman who opened it blinked her dark blue eyes back at me. Her blonde hair was swept up in a haphazard bun, tiny tendrils escaping around her face. Her resemblance to the pictures of my mother left me without words.

"Excuse us," Duo said to her. "We're looking for a Idun Lowe. My friend here..."

"I am Idun. And I know who you both are- Heero Yuy," she said flatly and I felt my jaw drop. "Duo Maxwell. Gundam Pilots."

Oh no. This was not playing out well.

Then she smiled and reached out to touch my cheek. Her hand was cool against my skin. "You are also my nephew, Fenrir Ohkami. You and your friend are welcome in my house. I have been waiting for you for a long time."


	19. Discovering

Disclaimer: Gundam Wing is not mine.

Thanks for the reviews! Here we have more background for Heero and not too much else. Complications arise next chapter, this is all explanation! Sorry.

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

"Please come in," she stepped backwards and motioned for us to follow her.

The house was not a riot of colors like my parents' apartment. It looked like my aunt liked dark woods with blue and green tones. She closed the door behind us and then took a hesitant step towards me.

"Do you mind?" She asked and for a moment I wondered what she meant. She raised her arms slightly and I understood.

She hugged me fiercely, her arms tight around my shoulders, and I hugged her back wondering if this is how it would've felt to hug my mother. Duo was standing to the side, smiling happily at the two of us, though I could see a hint of something- sadness? pain? in his expression as well.

Idun let me go and stepped back again, but not as far. "You look like your father," she said as her eyes traveled over my face again.

"He does," another voice agreed and I nearly jumped. I was so off balance that an Oz squadron probably could've gotten the jump on me.

Another woman stood on the stairs and I recognized her from the photos in my parents' house. Here was the woman with the long dark hair.

She stood on the stairs, a smile on her lips as she looked at my aunt and me.

"Heero Yuy at last." She walked down the rest of the stairs and her smile widened into a grin. Her startling blue-green eyes ran over me appraisingly. "Or do you prefer Frey Lowe?"

I must've gaped at her, since she laughed and hugged me as well. How the hell did they know so much? Then she turned to Duo.

"And Duo Maxwell," she reached out and hugged him too. "Welcome to our house." Duo hugged her back, though he looked as shocked as I felt. "We shouldn't keep you standing in the hallway." She linked her arm with Duo's and led him towards the back of the house. My aunt touched my arm and we followed.

They took us into a sunny yellow room lined with windows that looked out over a garden.

"Have a seat." My aunt gestured to the sofa. I sat down, Duo next to me, his shoulder touching mine. I was grateful for that touch, that reminder of reality. I was feeling as if I had wandered into a dream.

The dark-haired lady sat next to Duo, but my aunt pulled up a footstool and sat in front of me. "Ask," she said. "You look like you have questions."

"Where do I start?" At the moment a thousand questions were clamoring for attention.

"Introductions?" Duo suggested, looking at the woman seated next to him.

My aunt laughed. "Sorry, this is Sanura. She and her sister Kisa were Freya's and my best friends since we were little."

"Freya?" I repeated.

"Your mother." Idun tilted her head to the side, looking puzzled. "Didn't you know her name? I thought Odin must've mentioned it to you since you chose Frey as your alias."

"This is all Odin ever told me." I passed her the letter. She scanned it and I saw her frown.

"But you were with him until you were what- fifteen?"

"Seven. He died when I was seven."

"He wasn't working for J?"

Good Gods- how did the woman know so much?

"No. J found me after he died."

"Found you?" Sanura repeated, sounding shocked.

"After he died I didn't have anyplace to go. J picked me up off the streets." I heard Sanura inhale sharply.

"Odin never told you anything about your family?" My aunt asked me in disbelief.

"Just that space took everything away from me. I didn't even know he was my uncle until I read the letter this morning." My aunt pushed herself to her feet and stalked to the window. Sanura got to her feet and followed her. She laid gentle hands on Idun's shoulders and murmured in her ear.

Duo tugged on my arm. "Heero, look," he whispered. An upright piano stood in the corner. Scattered over the top and on the walls next to it were photographs.

Some were photos of my parents, some were other people, but a lot of them were of me- and the other Gundam pilots. Security camera shots, TV shots, even the Oz file pictures, all neatly framed. I turned back and met Duo's eyes. I could see his questions were the same as mine. How did they know all this? Why hadn't they come to me?

My aunt returned and resumed her seat, but this time, Sanura remained behind her, hands on Idun's shoulders. I could see that she was trying to keep Idun calm. My aunt was fairly vibrating with tension.

"So you know only what was in this letter and what you saw in your parents apartment?" Idun asked me before I could voice my questions.

"I only looked at the photos," I told her. "It was... a bit overwhelming. We went there in the first place since it was listed as Odin's residence and since the bills were paid and his identification was current, I thought..."

"You thought he might still be alive." She nodded. "That would've been Kai's doing. He owns that building and Odin and he were close. He was the one who told me Odin was dead- way after the fact apparently." She frowned. "That would've been your uncle's doing as well."

"But- why?" I was confused. Why wouldn't Odin have told me about Idun earlier? Why this farce?

"Let me start again." My aunt sighed. "Your mother, my twin Freya, and her husband Kisho were killed in a shuttle accident, just like Odin said. You were staying here with us at that time. Odin came and took you once we found out what happened to the shuttle. Your parents hadn't left a formal will, and Odin disappeared right afterwards."

"Why?"

"He said that I wasn't fit to keep you." Idun's hand reached up and touched Sanura's. "He never approved of our relationship. He didn't want you...tainted by it."

I stared at her, not knowing what to say.

"So he took you to live with him. I looked for you both, but it wasn't until I was scanning Oz files that I saw you again." She smiled faintly. "I recognized you easily- like I said, you look like your father. I did some digging and kept tabs on you the best I could. I hoped that one day you'd come looking for your family despite anything that Odin might've said about me. When you disappeared after Mariemaia, we figured that you had changed your name. We had several possible aliases, but when Duo Maxwell moved in with Frey Lowe we knew we had found you again."

"So- you knew where I was- all this time? Why didn't you come to me?"

"I didn't know what Odin might have told you." My aunt's voice dropped. "I also didn't want you to think that I was some fortune hunter, after you only because you were Pilot 01."

I stared at her for a moment. I was furious with her for a moment. She had known where I was this whole time! I nearly got to my feet; but- she was my mother's twin. My link to family I couldn't remember. She sat on the footstool; her eyes cast downwards watching her hands twisting in her lap. Sanura stood behind her, her eyes on me, faintly challenging.

"You built yourself another family-" Idun continued, gesturing towards the photos. "I didn't know how you'd take another- especially if... well, Odin hated me. I thought you might feel the same."

Why the hell would I feel the same?

Duo's shoulder nudged mine. I looked over at him startled. "She doesn't know everything, Heero."

What was he getting at?

He sighed, then leaned over and kissed my cheek. "Computers don't carry personal preferences, lover."

Ah.

Idun was looking at us speculatively, while Sanura was grinning. "I told you so!" She laughed merrily, her hands squeezing my aunt's shoulders.

But Idun's eyes were still regarding me anxiously and I realized how much this meant to her. Her brother had turned his back on her for this and I saw that she feared the same treatment from me. Now I knew why she had stayed away.

I reached out and took her hand. Her fingers wrapped tightly around mine and I smiled for her. "I can't tell you how happy I am right now," I told her and watched her expression lighten. "I may've built a new family but you're my family too and I'm glad that I found you."

Sanura thankfully broke the moment before we all embarrassed ourselves. She let go of Idun and blinked hard.

"Before we go through more emotional stuff, can we have lunch?" She asked in a plaintive tone. "I'm starving and I bet the boys are too."

"I am." Duo got to his feet and grinned at her. "How can we fix it?"

"Come help me make lunch?" She asked hopefully. "Idun is useless in the kitchen."

"Happily," Duo turned to me and I saw him raise his eyebrow in a question. I nodded back and he followed Sanura out of the room leaving me alone with my aunt.

"Other questions?" She asked me.

"My parents-" I paused unsure of how to phrase my question. She seemed to understand anyway.

"Freya was- well you saw the apartment. She was like that. Lively, vibrant, cheerful. She met Kisho at college. They fell in love right away- at first sight, she always said." Idun smiled. "They were tech majors, like Sanura and I, and we used to joke that only Kisa and Korvin kept us from being hopelessly geeky." She laughed. "Kisa was Sanura's sister, Korvin her husband. That's who your parents had gone to see on L2."

"Why didn't they take me?"

"You hadn't been feeling well- a cold, I think, and the colonies had limited medical treatment at that time, thanks to the embargoes. So they left you with me." Idun got to her feet. "I was always telling Freya that she was too overprotective of you, but in this case- she was right." She walked back over to the window.

"I loved my sister dearly, but we tended to fight a lot. Clashing personalities and all that. We fought over leaving you here." She turned and looked at me. "Not that I minded having you here, but that I thought she was overreacting."

I couldn't think of anything to say to her. Duo thankfully, poked his head back into the room at that moment. "Hey Idun! Sanura asks if you could go get her some tomatoes from the garden?"

My aunt vanished rapidly. Duo eyed me. "What's going on?"

"I don't know." He joined me on the sofa, pulling me into his arms.

"Feeling overwhelmed again?"

"That's an understatement." Duo kissed me gently.

"Are you sorry we did this?"

"No." I told him after a minute.

"Then it will be okay." He hugged me again. "Come help us in the kitchen." I let him pull me to my feet and followed him down the hallway to the kitchen. Duo was my anchor here and I was grateful for his presence.


	20. Petting

Disclaimer: Gundam Wing is not mine.

Thanks for the reviews! I hope that I can meet your expectations...

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

I curled up in bed next to Duo that night wondering what was going to happen next. The rest of the afternoon with my aunt, if that's who she was, had not gone too well.

I had followed Duo down the hallway and into the kitchen obediently. Sanura greeted the two of us with a smile. She set me to chopping up vegetables while Duo got to help her assemble sandwiches. It was a fairly mindless task and I had accepted it gratefully.

"So," Duo asked her after a moment or two of silence. "Before you sent me out for Idun, you were going to tell me how you knew all this stuff about us." I could hear the hard undercurrent to the jovial tone of his voice and wondered if Sanura heard it too.

I couldn't blame him. It was bizarrely odd that they knew so damn much about us.

"We told you already that Idun and I are techs," Sanura smiled. "During the war there were many good paying jobs for techs if you were willing to work for the military."

"Military?" Duo repeated, and the jovial tone was completely gone.

"Or Romefeller," Idun stepped into the kitchen, several tomatoes in her hands. She took them over to the sink and began to rinse them off.

"We're free agents," Sanura continued airily. "But military work pays well. And it helped us find Heero."

"I was actually assigned by Oz to assemble all the data on you five." Idun added.

I knew what most army techs did during the wars. I wasn't feeling all that comfortable to start with and this revelation made it significantly worse.

Suspicions rose. If they were good enough to hunt us down for Romefeller and Oz, who is to say that they didn't manipulate files? Like Odin's? Was that truly my parents' apartment? Was Idun truly my aunt? I met Duo's eyes and saw that his expression mirrored my thoughts.

"Relax," Sanura nudged Duo with her elbow. "We did not program mobile dolls. We were just research techs, that's all." She looked over at me and frowned. "Stop it. We'll let you do a blood test if you are so concerned."

I blinked at her. How had she known...?

"I've had years of experience reading her expressions," Sanura gestured to Idun who had turned to look at me. "You two are so alike it's scary."

I blinked again and looked towards Duo. He shrugged with a let's-just-play-along-for now look.

I felt a gentle hand on my arm. "Come and sit down." Idun tugged me towards the table.

"I can and will arrange for a blood test to be done," Idun told me as she took the seat across from me. "How long are you in town?"

"Not long..." I replied, unwilling now to be specific.

"Very well then. We'll go this afternoon if you like. It will take at least a day to get the results."

So that's what we had done. After a lunch that I barely tasted, we had followed their car to a nearby clinic. The blood had been taken, and the results would be available soon.

I did not feel like returning to their house. I stopped on the sidewalk in front of the clinic and tried to think of a way to get out of it.

Idun stopped in front of me. "The results will be ready by tomorrow afternoon at the latest. After you hear them we can meet you at your parents' apartment. I would like to see it again and I'm sure that you have many questions about it."

"And what if the results are different than you expect? What if I am not your nephew?" I asked her harshly.

She didn't even flinch. "Then I will help you find your true family." She turned on her heel, Sanura beside her, and headed to her car.

I turned to Duo standing beside me. "I feel like the biggest jerk in the world," I told him.

He smiled at me. "I agree with your caution," he replied. "They know a bit too much for me to be comfortable with them right away." He put an arm around my shoulders. "Let's go for a walk, okay?"

The clinic was located in an area filled with tiny shops. We walked around and looked in windows as I tried to pull myself together. I wished with all my heart that I would've never agreed to go looking for my family, that I had not hurt Idun's feelings, that I had shaken the truth out of them right away, all at the same time. It was very confusing.

"Aw, how cute!" Duo had stopped in front of a store and was making faces at the window. I turned to look. Tiny puppies bounced their paws against the glass happily.

I watched my lover laugh at the puppies and felt eased. At least he was with me. Duo looked up at my face and smiled, reaching out a hand.

"You okay?" He shook his head. "Dumb question. Let's go in and pet some animals, okay? It's supposed to be good for stress."

"Do I look stressed?" I asked him as I followed him into the crowded store.

"If you weren't, I'd be concerned." Duo stopped and stuck his fingers in a cage full of kittens. A black and grey striped one began to lick his fingers as he tried to rub its chin. "It's been a hell of a trip so far."

"What do you think?" I asked him. "Do you think she's really who she says she is?"

"She does look like the pictures in the apartment. And you do look like the man in those shots. If this is some kind of trap it's pretty elaborate. But," he shrugged, "It is odd how much they know. Yes, they could simply be good techs that went looking. We haven't tried any of those searches and they would have no reason to look for Odin." The kitten began biting his fingers playfully and Duo tapped it on the nose. "I'd rather be safe than sorry though."

"Me too, I guess." A totally grey kitten wandered over to Duo's hand and meowed pitifully. Duo gave in and petted that one too. Animals know a soft touch when they see one.

"I wonder what Val would do with a kitten." He laughed.

"I don't know. Do you want one?" I thought about the probabilities and was happy for the diversion.

"Maybe," Duo gave the kittens one last scratch. "Idun and Sanura have a beautiful Siamese- I don't think you saw it."

"No," I shook my head. "How funny," we had moved over by the puppy cage. "They didn't seem like pet owners to me."

"I guess it takes all kinds." Duo laughed as a puppy lunged for his braid. "Sanura said she's had cats since childhood- a family tradition. I told her about Val. I guess people without children talk about their pets."

"Speaking of which," I took a breath, determined to leave the subject of my family and maybe-aunt for a while. "I'm surprised that with all these stores around we haven't found anything for Iren yet. Kind of neglectful of her godfathers."

Of course, that comment immediately got me dragged out of the pet store and into several baby and toy stores.

I didn't care. Duo was on a mission and I was caught up in his whirlwind of energy, able to focus on something else for a while. I don't know if he realized that I had done it on purpose and was humoring me, but it didn't matter in the slightest.

We made it back to the hotel just as it was starting to get dark. There were no messages waiting for us at the desk and we retreated to our room.

"Talk to me," Duo said once we were inside the door. He flung the packages onto a chair and turned to give me a narrow look. "You haven't said anything other than 'okay' or 'sure' in the last hour. You are never this agreeable."

"Sure I am," I protested and Duo flung a pillow at me. I smiled for him. "Just still- confused. Overwhelmed."

"Understandable." Duo nodded. "But don't shut me out, okay? Even if they are your family, you're mine."

That last sentence, though said lightly, made me realize how this mess must be for Duo. Guilt hit me hard. I had been so wrapped up in myself that I had missed this.

I went and put my arms around him. "We can still look for more of yours," I told him. "You might have extended family somewhere."

"I told you it was okay, and I meant it," he replied, his arms encircling me in return. "It's just... well, I guess I'm a bit jealous. If Idun really is your aunt, she's done a lot to keep informed, you know?" He paused unhappily.

I understood. I held him tightly against me, knowing that there was nothing I could really say to soothe this away.

He pushed me away gently after a long while. "I'm starving," he smiled apologetically. "Can we order something?"

We ate dinner, took a shower and crawled into bed. Duo let me curl up against him, his heartbeat a reassuring sound in my ear as I fell asleep.


	21. Adopting Duo POV

Disclaimer: Gundam Wing is not mine.

Warnings: A teeny tiny bit citrusy. Duo made me do it. This is back to his POV, by the way. Many apologies. I'm starting D2, so I'm hoping he'll be satisfied that way.

Thanks to all the reviewers!

Heero was curled up next to me like a puppy the next morning. That thought made my lips curl up in a smile as I thought about our conversation in the pet store yesterday. Only Heero could distract me like that. He had obviously been uncomfortable talking about Idun and Sanura, so he chose to set me on a different course. I knew he needed the distraction, so I let him do it.

It was oddly comforting in a way to have someone that knew me that well, and that I knew that well in return. Heero's realization last night that I was... well, a bit jealous of his supposed family just proved it. He knew me very well.

I rubbed my cheek against his hair and he murmured something sleepily as he curled up closer. This was something I never would've believed during the war. Heero Yuy- a cuddler? No way.

Heero Yuy, Frey Lowe, Fenrir Ohkami. I smiled faintly and wondered which name he'd stick with. Or if he'd just use all of them, they same way he'd used the two. I had no problem switching names for him, like I said at the time; street rats had tons of aliases. I tended more towards the 'Heero', since that is how I'd known him first, but if he wanted, I'd call him anything he chose.

His name never mattered to me. He is who he is, the person I love, my best friend and trusted partner.

"Duo?" Heero blinked at me, twisting his head around on my shoulder. "It's early, why are you awake?"

"Jet lag, I guess." He blinked again and looked at the clock.

"It's 4 am. Go back to sleep."

"I will," I assured him. His mouth curved up in a faint smile.

"Come here." He pulled me on top of him, one hand sliding into my hair as he pulled his mouth down to mine.

"Mmmm," I said, when he let me. "What are you...Heero?" His hands were tugging off my sweats.

"You're awake. You need to sleep. So," he smiled mischievously at me. "Wear yourself out."

"Wear myself out? What are you going to do?"

"Lie back and enjoy it," he chuckled and kissed me again.

"Lazy jerk," I muttered into his mouth.

He flipped me over and pinned me against the mattress. His mouth slid down my neck and his hands tugged my hips against his.

"I... I thought I was supposed to do the work?"

"You were taking too long," he informed me.

He was too smug.

"I don't think so." I flipped us back over so that I was the one on top. "It's called a slow seduction for a reason." I let my hands wander on his body, feeling triumphant as he twisted and moaned underneath me.

Needless to say, I managed to wear myself out quite nicely. I fell back asleep afterwards only to be woken up by the sound of the phone ringing a few hours later.

Heero, of course, was awake already. He answered the phone on the second ring, frowning and 'um-hmming' at whoever was on the other end. I wondered if it was the clinic.

"Thank you," he said into the receiver and hung up the phone.

"Was it the clinic?"

"Mmm," he nodded, eyes unfocused.

"And?" I asked, a touch impatiently. "Is she your aunt?"

"Well, they can't tell that," he focused on me and smiled faintly. "But she and I share enough similarities that it is a good chance that we are related."

"So we overreacted." Though considering that they had worked for Oz, I was still glad we had done the damn test. Better safe than sorry and all that.

"Or she paid the clinic off." Heero countered, paranoid little thing that he is.

"Are we still going to meet her at the apartment?"

"I think so," Heero nodded. "I'll call her."

He picked up the receiver and dialed the number. I lay back and watched him. His hair was damp. He was half-dressed, his jeans half-buttoned, a blue shirt hanging open off his shoulders and I wondered if the call had come right as he was getting ready.

He caught my eye and smiled again, that hint of mischief lurking around the corners. Then I lost his attention as someone answered the other end. Heero's eyes moved to the floor as he spoke, a shy little boy appearing before my eyes.

I slid from the bed and headed towards the shower, knowing we would be heading out soon.

It was a quiet drive back to his parents' apartment, Heero anxious and me... well, that jealous feeling was back. Not only of this woman who had waited and watched him for years, but also the fact that I wasn't going to be Heero's only family anymore.

That sounds mean and petty, I know it does. But that's how I felt. I mean, the other pilots- they were his family too- but they were also mine. Idun was... well, just his. Something I couldn't share.

Idun and Sanura were waiting for us on the steps. We buzzed to be let in, and the door opened without a comment from Kai, which surprised me. I daresay he saw who we had brought with us on his security cameras and decided to hide. After seeing the look Idun cast down the hallway at his door, I didn't blame him.

We followed the ladies up the stairs, Sanura chattering away about how Heero's parents had preferred climbing the stairs to taking the elevator, even when Freya was pregnant. I listened with only half an ear, trying to make that jealous feeling go away.

When we got up to the apartment, Idun took over the conversation. She took Heero to the back of the apartment, to the room we thought had been his, and began to tell him a story about how she and her sister had argued over what to paint on the walls. She had Heero chuckling in no time.

I wandered back out of the room and into the hallway, studying the pictures on the walls. Heero had been an adorable little boy, so very serious, even then. His mother and father were near him in nearly every shot- though I wondered in a few if that was Idun with him instead of Freya.

"Cute, wasn't he?" Sanura said over my shoulder. I nearly jumped wondering how she managed to sneak up on me.

"Very," I replied, smiling for her.

"You're an orphan too, yes?" She asked, those blue-green eyes looking at me with pity. I turned away from her and looked back at the walls.

"Yeah."

"Do you remember anything of your family? Is there anyone left?"

"Not really," I shrugged. "They died when I was too young to really be able to remember them. I don't have anyone left that I know of."

"This must be hard for you," she said gently. "Heero finding his family and you with none to find."

I shrugged again, wishing she'd leave me alone. Her hand reached past me and touched a picture on the wall.

"I lost my family on L2 as well. I don't have anyone left either. Truth to tell, I'm a bit jealous of Idun."

I turned my head to look at her, and she smiled for me. "I know how that feels," I told her before I could think about it.

"I know." Her fingers brushed the picture in front of us again. I looked at it. A double of herself sat there, with a young man leaning against her and a baby on her lap. There was a Siamese cat curled up on the young man's legs. "That was my family. My sister Kisa, her husband, and their son. And Bastet, of course."

"Bastet?"

"The cat." Sanura grinned. "I told you my family has always been a bit cat-crazy. My father was called Lionel and Sanura and Kisa both mean 'cat'. Kisa even continued the tradition with her son."

"Sanura?" Idun called out. "Where did you go?"

"Duo and I are in the hallway," Sanura called back. "Looking at pictures."

"Can you find the album for me?"

"Of course!" Sanura replied, and then put her hand on my arm, tugging me back down the hallway towards the living room. "So," she continued as she began to scan the bookshelves, "I know how you feel Duo. So, why don't you let me adopt you?"

"Huh?" I managed.

"Oh, not officially," she assured me cheerfully. "It's just when Heero comes to visit Idun, or vice versa, wouldn't you like to feel that you had an aunt coming too? Even if we aren't related by blood?" She glanced up at me. "We both lost people we loved on L2. We'll call that our connection. Okay?"

"Okay," I repeated, a bit stunned. She gave me a glowing smile and turned back to the shelf. I blinked, wondering what I had just done. Sanura uttered a small cry of triumph and pulled an album off the shelf.

"Ah hah!" She slid her arm through mine and kissed my cheek. "Come along foster-nephew." She pulled me down the hallway and I followed, swept up in her wave of enthusiasm.

It was a good feeling.


	22. Melodramaing

Disclaimer: Gundam Wing is not mine.

Thanks to the LJ Ladies for pre-reading & to everyone who reviewed!

This part is... well- soap operaish. Sorry! It's also a bit long- I know I haven't updated for awhile and I am trying to avoid cliffhangering.

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I was a little surprised to see Sanura and Duo arm in arm when they came to join us in the room that Idun said had been mine.

But that unhappy look that had been lurking in the back of Duo's eyes was completely gone, so I figured that Sanura must've said something to him to get him to lose it.

A part of me was still pointing out that we really needed to be more careful with these women, but the larger part of me, the part that had longed for a family, had longed to know who I really was, was taking over. I was relaxed and happy in their company despite that small paranoid voice in the back of my head.

"Thank you dear," Idun took the album from Sanura and settled herself on the bed. "I know that picture is in here somewhere..." As she flipped pages, Duo's phone rang.

He slipped a hand into his pocket, pulled out the phone and flipped it open. "Maxwell."

A frown crossed his face. "That serious?" He said into the phone and I wondered what was wrong.

"I know. I will. As soon as I can." Duo hung up the phone and gave me a guilty look. "That was Une. They need me to go on a little trip with Fei."

I didn't ask if he had to go. I already knew the answer. "It's only for two days- three tops. Why don't you stay here and I'll meet you back here before we go to Relena and Hilde's for the weekend?" He suggested.

"You could stay with us, nephew," Idun said softly.

"That sounds like a great idea," Duo looked at me hopefully. I realized that he was expecting me to be angry with him.

"Okay," I agreed. I saw Duo relax slightly.

"Why don't the two of you go back to the hotel and get packed up? Then you can drop Duo off at the airport and come back to our house." Sanura said cheerfully. "We'll bring the albums."

"You'll keep an eye on him?" Duo joked. "Should I leave instructions?"

"Aw, we'll handle him fine. You just be careful out there." Sanura gave him a hug, and so did Idun.

"Ditto," she told him. "We'll be waiting for your return." Duo smiled, but I saw the look on his face and realized that he was touched by their concern.

Duo was on the phone for most of the ride back to the hotel arranging for a plane ticket. He didn't have to go all the way back home; Fei was meeting him at a Preventer's base that had shuttle capabilities. They were going up to L2 to investigate 'something shady'. Duo was the L2 expert- thus the need for him to go.

It would be the first time since he had moved in with me that we would be separated for more than a few hours. That was an odd thought. After spending so many years away from him, now I didn't like to think that he was going into a dangerous situation without me.

But Duo was capable of taking care of himself. I knew that. I had to trust that he would.

We got back up to the hotel room and started packing. Duo was quiet as he tossed clothes in his bag. It didn't take us long to pack.

"I guess that's it." Duo looked at the clock and then back at me. "I'm really sorry Heero. I know I said that I'd be here for you..." I went and put my arms around him.

"It's okay. You're here for me no matter where you are," I tried and was rewarded with his smile.

"Sappy," he told me.

"Your fault." I retorted. He kissed me then, arms tight around me, holding me close.

"I love you." He said against my mouth when the kiss ended. "Don't forget it."

"I won't." I met his gaze. "I promise. Stay safe for me, okay? You know I'd be lost without you."

"You did fine before," he countered with a faint smile.

"No," I shook my head. "I didn't." I let him go then, knowing that we'd be late for the airport if we didn't hurry.

We talked about inconsequential things in the car. I promised to arrange a flight back to Relena's house, promised to call and check on Sally, promised that I would remember every piece of information that Idun shared with me to share with him later.

I dropped him off at the curb, and after one last kiss, one last 'I love you', he left the car and headed into the airport.

For a minute I had a very bad feeling- as if it was the last time that I was going to see him. Then I shook it off and headed towards my aunt's house.

I was kind of relieved that I'd be spending the next few days with Sanura and Idun. If I was at home alone I'd be fretting about Duo.

Don't misunderstand me. I was worried, but if I had been alone I would have been fretting every minute, unable to distract myself. Idun and Sanura were my distraction, and they were good at it.

They told me stories, cooked my parents' favorite food, shared pictures, and did everything that they could to make my parents more real for me.

On the third morning I had woken up early and gone down to the kitchen looking for coffee. I was expecting to hear from Duo and I will admit that I was anxiously awaiting his call.

Sanura was already down there; flipping pages in an album I hadn't seen before. She looked up and smiled at me.

"Good morning," I said in response to her greeting as I poured myself a cup of coffee. "What are you looking at?"

"All this reminiscing was making me think of my family," she said with a shadow of her usual cheerful smile.

"They died on L2, right?" I asked her as I sat down beside her.

"Yes," she looked down at the photo album and then nudged it towards me. "This is my sister Kisa," she said tapping a picture.

The woman looked exactly like Sanura and I remembered that she had been half of a set of twins too.

"This was her husband Korvin," she tapped another picture of a chestnut-haired young man.

"They look nice," I said lamely and mentally kicked myself. Sanura flipped another page and there was a picture of the same two people, only this time the woman was holding a baby.

"Their son?" I asked and was surprised when tears began to run down Sanura's face.

"Adopted son," she said in a small voice. She flipped a few more pages and the baby turned into a toddler. She touched the picture gently.

"You must have been very fond of him," I said, completely at a loss.

"I was," Sanura looked up and met my eyes. "He was my son, you see."

"Your son?" I repeated.

"Right before Kisa and Korvin got married, Idun and I... well, we split up for a while. My family- my father- didn't approve of us being together." She bit her lip. "So, I broke it off. Started dating a young man. Got pregnant."

I put an arm around her and she leaned into my embrace. "I was fond of him... but I didn't, couldn't love him the way I loved Idun. He wanted to marry me when I found out I was pregnant. I... couldn't do it. Even with his child inside me, I knew that it would hurt my baby to be in a house with two people who didn't really love each other. So- I broke it off with him. Idun wasn't speaking to me, my father was furious, I didn't know what to do." She took a deep breath.

"Then Kisa came to see me. She said that she and Korvin had been trying to have a baby, but that she couldn't. She asked if she could adopt my baby." Sanura's tears were increasing, but her voice remained clear. "She wanted a baby so badly- and I didn't know what else to do. I knew Kisa and Korvin would love my son as if he was theirs. They could give him what I couldn't- two loving parents."

"That was very selfless of you."

"Selfish," she corrected me. "If I had kept my son he'd still be alive."

"You couldn't have known..."

"I know, but that doesn't stop me from feeling guilty." She touched the photo again. "My kitten. It's my fault that Kit died in that fire along with Kisa and Korvin."

I froze in my seat at the name that crossed her lips. Then I leaned forward and took a careful look at the picture.

Chestnut brown hair. Wide smile. Violet eyes.

Oh good gods...

Before I could say anything, the doorbell rang. Sanura gave me a pleading look and so I got to my feet to go answer it. I wondered who the heck would be here so early in the morning.

I opened the door to find Quatre on the step. I didn't have to ask why he was there. The look on his face told me what I needed to know. I took a step back from him even as he reached out to me.

"Heero- there's been an accident."

"Duo?" I managed, feeling my heart pound in my chest. I knew the answer. I had seen it the minute Quatre had looked at me. Pity, sorrow, concern and above all pain.

Quatre shook his head. "The Preventers shuttle he and Fei were using to return to Earth... it blew up. We don't know why. Une thinks it was rigged to go."

I wished with all my heart that I could've tuned him out, but the soldier didn't let me.

"Do we know who?"

"Not yet," Quatre stepped into the house, closing the door behind him. "Heero..."

"Fei too?" I was surprised by how clinical I sounded.

"Yes." Quatre's eyes were wide and worried.

"Does Sally know?"

"Noin and Zechs are with her." I saw Quatre take a breath. "Trowa and Cathy are handling the arrangements- if that's okay with you?"

"Of course." I heard footsteps coming down the stairs and down the hallway. Sanura and Idun had joined us.

"What's going on?" Idun asked.

I let Quatre answer her. I felt- numb. Unreal. As if this couldn't be happening. Not ever. Duo couldn't die.

Not Duo.

All of a sudden there were fierce, tight arms around me. Quatre was hanging on to me, and in that familiar embrace I couldn't hang on to the soldier anymore.

I put my head on his shoulder and let him hold me. I felt Idun's hands on my hair, Sanura's hands on my back.

"I'm so very sorry, Heero," Quatre was murmuring to me. I tried to escape his embrace, wanted to get away from him before the calm that the soldier had gifted me with vanished.

But Quatre wouldn't let go. So I had to. The calm of the soldier left me in a rush of agony.

Quatre held me, like he had always done. But I couldn't be soothed- nothing could make this better.

Duo was gone.

I don't remember a lot of what happened next. I was locked in my own personal hell and I knew that I was frightening my aunt, Sanura and Quatre, but I really didn't care.

I know that we got on a plane.

I know that we ended up at Quatre's home.

I know that Sally was there.

I know that she looked as bad as I felt. She was the only one who's hug I returned, knowing that she was in her own hell like I was.

I know that a few days passed.

I know that Relena and Hilde were there with the baby. Our godchild that Duo had been so excited about.

I know that I ate and showered because Trowa made me.

I know that we attended a funeral service.

I know that we buried two empty coffins.

It wasn't until I was watching them throw the dirt on the empty coffins that I snapped out of my numbness.

Duo was dead.

He was never coming back.

As the dirt covered up more and more of the shiny wood of the coffins I knew that I couldn't stay here anymore, couldn't watch that coffin vanish under the dirt, couldn't listen to my well-meaning friends try to comfort me. I needed to find a sanctuary.

My jeep keys were in my pocket. Trowa had gone to get the jeep and Val as well as more clothes for me. He had driven the jeep to the funeral, but had slipped the keys into my pocket. I think he was trying to be comforting.

I wondered how I was going to manage to slip away from the others, when it seemed that Shinigami himself decided to help.

A car sped through the gates of the cemetery, honking wildly. I don't know what the idiots inside were thinking, but I seized my chance. As the rest of the funeral party- and isn't that an odd thing to call it- looked towards the gate, I went to the jeep.

I was on the highway, heading home in moments.

It was a long drive back home, but I didn't care. As long as I had a goal in mind I could focus on the freeway in front of me. I was glad that I hadn't gotten rid of the soldier all together, glad that I could pull him out to help me.

It was sunset when I pulled up to the house. I closed the garage door after I pulled the jeep in and engaged the security system.

My house had been my sanctuary for years before Duo came to stay with me.

It was no longer mine, however.

I flipped on the lights and the first thing that met my eyes was that hideous black sofa that Duo had brought with him. The soldier fled as memories assaulted me.

How many mornings had I sat there waiting for him to wake up? How many mornings had he joined me on it? How many times had we made love on it, unable to make it the few steps to the bed?

His computer desk- the little photos he had put up- his music... too many memories lurked here now. If I had hoped for a place to pull myself together, this place was not it.

I noticed that the message light on the vidphone was blinking frantically, but I ignored it. I didn't want to talk to anyone.

I looked out the window, watching the waves roll in as the sun sank over the horizon. And I remembered sitting on the steps with Quatre all those months ago...

_"What can I do Quatre? I left. Made a new life. Tried to forget him. It didn't work," I looked out at the moonlight dancing on the waves. "I thought of him every day. Missed him every day. That's why I never called any of you, Quatre. I was trying to forget. Trying to get over him. I thought I was over him enough at least to not- do this. And here I am, a day after seeing him again- and it's the same. It hurts just as much!" I put my head in my hands. "The only other thing I can think of to do is to walk out there into those waves and never come back." Quatre's hand tightened. "Then maybe it would stop." _

If I hadn't been able to forget Duo then- how could I now? Now that I knew what it was like to have him in my life- to hear him tell me that he loved me- to wake up to him every morning?

There was only one thing I could think to do. I closed my eyes and tried to pull the soldier back up.

I needed to complete my mission.

I went to the safe hidden behind the computer desk and pulled out all of my personal documents. Everything I owned went to Duo, but even then I had left provisions- just in case he died first. I knew Quatre would make sure that my estate was disposed of in a fitting matter.

I scribbled a quick note to him, suggesting that he liquidate the whole thing and send the money to one of the L2 orphanages that Duo had supported.

That made me think of something else I needed to do. I booted up my computer and left a note to my aunt on the screen, directing her to the file that contained the articles I had discovered on Duo. It would be up to her to tell Sanura or not.

The phone started to ring. I ignored it. It was not part of my mission.

I disengaged the security system and walked out the back door of the house and down onto the beach. I kicked my shoes off and let my feet sink into the soft sand. Duo had loved walking barefoot in the sand.

I walked down to the water's edge and felt the dampness of the sand beneath my feet.

The waves were illuminated by the moonlight, much like they had been on that night when I had poured my heart out to Quatre, when they had beckoned to me.

Now I knew why I had chosen the house on the beach. Why I had wanted to be near the water.

_"I'm the only friend you've got." _

A bright light swept over the waves and I looked behind me. A car was pulling into my driveway. I didn't have much time apparently.

I stepped into the water, feeling the chill seeping into me, numbing and cleansing as it passed over my skin.

A few more steps and I was waist deep.

A few more and the water was chest high.

It was an easy thing then to take in one last deep breath and plunge beneath the waves.

I let my air out and the cold water swept in. I didn't fight it. Darkness crept up the edges of my vision as my lungs tried to inhale more seawater.

Duo.....

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Several days earlier...

I glanced out the window of the tiny car that Fei and I had 'jacked, watching our shuttle climb into the atmosphere. This whole mission had totally gone to hell. We had gone in, gotten the evidence and been detected. We'd had to run for our lives, hiding, not daring to contact HQ, knowing that they could more than likely trace our calls since we had to leave our jammers behind and our target was one of the big industries on the colony. Fingers in all the pies, so to speak. Our only hope was to get back to the shuttle and get the hell of this damn colony.

I watched our salvation climb into the sky and swore.

A moment later I swore again as I watched the shuttle explode into a cloud of particles.

We had obviously pissed the shit out of someone.

"Now what?" Wufei looked up at the shuttle and frowned.

"I'm out of tricks at the moment." I groaned. "We'd better find someplace to lay low for a while. If we're lucky they might think we were the ones on that shuttle."

Someplace to lay low turned out to be an alleyway of squatters. I know Fei was appalled, but it wasn't all that different than the places I had stayed as a kid. Hell, for all I knew it was one of the places I had stayed as a kid.

We didn't really dare to sleep though. Which is more than likely why it took me a couple of days to figure out the best way to get off of the colony.

I could've kicked myself for not thinking of it before.

Sure enough, the local sweeper crew was headed by an old friend who had space for us on his next shuttle heading towards Earth.

It was a relief to sleep someplace safe.

It had to be sleep-deprivation, otherwise I would've thought about what that shuttle exploding would've meant to HQ. I would've called in once we were off L2.

My only consolation is that Fei didn't think of it either.

It wasn't until we arrived on Earth and called HQ that we were aware of exactly what we had done. The girl that answered the phone nearly fainted.

Lady Une wasn't available, she told us. She was attending our funeral.

Our funeral.

Heero was my first thought. Oh gods- he would not be taking this well. I needed to reach him. I wanted to call the house, but there would be no answer- he'd be at the funeral too.

I could tell Fei was thinking of Sally. We rented a car and burned rubber to get to the cemetery. The operator at HQ said that she would keep trying to reach Une, who had apparently turned her phone off for the service.

Fei and I didn't talk on the ride to the service- thank all the gods it wasn't that far away.

We swung into the cemetery and Fei started honking the horn to get the attention of a familiar group of black-clad people.

We were surrounded when we leaped from the car and ran towards the group. I've never seen so many slack-jawed amazed expressions.

Then again- how many people show up for their own funerals?

Sally reached us first, bodily throwing herself on her husband and dissolving into tears.

I was hugged and kissed by a huge group of people, but I realized as I got to the last few that the one person I wanted to see wasn't here.

"Where's Heero?" I asked worried. Why wasn't he here?

"He was right..." Trowa turned his head and swore. "Damn it! The jeep's gone!"

Quatre said something foul. "Should've kept a better eye on him." He groaned. "But he was being so..." he stopped and bit his lip.

"Being so what?" I asked fearfully. This didn't sound good.

"Doesn't matter right now," Trowa frowned. "We need to track him down. Where would he go?"

"Home," I replied without thinking- the answer was obvious.

A few minutes later and Trowa, Quatre, Idun, Sanura and I were piled into Quatre's car. Une and the others had promised to call the house and leave messages.

I snagged Quatre's cell phone and called home. I knew that it would take a while for Heero to get there, but I couldn't stop myself from calling every few minutes. Leaving as many messages as I could to assure Heero that I was fine and on my way home.

I had a very bad feeling.

I wished that I could remember the name of the store that Marie worked at- or even her last name so that I could track her down and have her go wait to intercept Heero.

The others tried to keep me calm, but I could tell they were anxious too. Apparently Heero's behavior after the news of my 'death' had been very disturbing.

I finally convinced Sanura to tell me what he'd done. Then I wished I hadn't.

Heero hadn't spoken, hadn't responded, hadn't shown anything other than his blank face. Only when Sally arrived had he managed to respond a little, but that had quickly vanished.

My bad feeling increased.

It seemed to take forever before we arrived at the house in the early evening, the sun having sunk beneath the horizon not too long before.

Relief swept through me as I saw that the lights were on in our house. I jumped out of the car before Quatre completely stopped and ran for the house.

The security system was disengaged, the front door was unlocked.

Heero never left it that way.

I called his name and got no response. I searched the rooms frantically and found no sign of him.

The others had followed me in. Sanura discovered the pile of documents, the note to Quatre on the top.

Where was he?

I looked out the window and saw the moonlight shining on the waves. Saw a figure out in the water, and remembered something that I should have earlier.

Heero's voice in the dark: _"The only other thing I can think of to do is to walk out there into those waves and never come back."_

Oh good gods. The figure vanished and I was out the back door racing across the sand.

I was dimly aware that Quatre was right behind me.

I plunged into the icy surf, cursing the dark, cursing my lover, cursing myself.

Quatre went in with me and the two of us moved frantically through the water looking for Heero. The water was freezing, my body was growing numb from the cold, but there was no way I was leaving that water without Heero.

Something brushed against my ankle. I dove beneath the water, hearing Quatre shout at me, and reached out. My hands encountered cloth, felt the smooth cold skin beneath it and I tugged Heero to the surface with me.

I gasped for breath, pulling my find upwards. Heero's head broke the surface of the water next to me and suddenly Quatre was there, grabbing Heero's other arm and tugging us towards the shore.

We reached the beach, sprawled onto the sand, Heero between us.

He wasn't breathing.

A blanket dropped over me as I pounded on Heero's diaphragm, tried to force the water out of his lungs. Trowa was on the phone, calling for medics. Quatre was helping me, the two of us shivering with cold as we tried to get Heero breathing again. Sanura and Idun stood with white faces, blankets in their hands as they watched us.

"Don't you dare do this to me!" I cursed Heero. "Don't you dare!"

I could hear the sirens in the distance, getting closer. Help was nearly here.

Suddenly, Heero coughed, and the seawater poured out of his lungs.

Thank the gods.


	23. Breathing

Disclaimer: These characters do not belong to me.

Thanks to everyone who reviewed! And to my LJ ladies for betaing!

Warnings: Language. Heero swears. Like you haven't heard it before??

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No. No! NO! I felt the sea water drain from my lungs. This was not supposed to happen! I was not supposed to survive this! My traitorous body wouldn't listen to me however. I took in an unwilling breath and then another, coughing.

My lungs were burning, my eyes stinging from the seawater. With every breath however, my lungs hurt less, every blink made my eyes clearer. My body was starting to repair itself already. Fucking nanites.

Unfamiliar people in dark clothes worked over me, checking my temperature, blood pressure, peering into my eyes.

If they didn't stop soon I would kill them!

I could see Quatre out of the corner of my eye, sitting by my head, wrapped in a blanket, shivering in the cold. Trowa was behind him, his arms wrapped tight around Quatre.

So that's how I got out of the water.

Damn Quatre anyway. Couldn't he just leave me alone?

"How long was he in the water for?" A medic turned his head to ask someone above me.

"About 10 minutes," I heard a soft female voice reply. Idun. So she was here too. Another unwanted savior.

But- I couldn't get as angry with her as I was with Quatre and Trowa for some reason.

The medic muttered something under his breath. Then he said: "Well, he seems fine. Even his temperature is only a few degrees below normal. Heart rate's normal, lungs are clear. We'll take him to the hospital to be sure..."

"No." I said firmly and the guy blinked down at me. I guess I wasn't supposed to express an opinion.

"Heero-" Quatre leaned over me. "Let us take you to the hospital..."

"I said no." I growled at him. It's not like there would be any damage, despite my wishes otherwise.

"Damn it Heero!" Another voice said and the medic got pushed out of the way.

A ghost appeared, leaning over me where the medic had been, and I think my heart stopped.

Duo was glaring furiously at me.

He- couldn't be real.

Was he mad because I failed? I wanted to protest that it wasn't my fault, but he didn't give me time.

"You were under for more than 10 minutes! There might be some kind of damage!" Duo was snarling, leaning over me so close that I could see the water beading on his face. I could feel his breath warm against my skin. "You are going to the hospital!"

He was breathing. He was shivering.

I reached out a hand and touched his cheek.

It was wet and cold, but it was _there_.

He was there.

Alive.

"Duo?" I managed to force myself to inhale, to say his name as my fingers stroked over his face.

His hand came up and covered mine, anger vanishing for the moment. "I'm here, love. I'm fine."

I pulled him down into my arms, holding onto him tightly. My eyes were stinging again. I could feel his chest rising and falling with each breath; feel him shiver with the cold.

Whichever of you gods brought him back to me, thank you- oh thank you...

"I'm fine- really- I'm so sorry love. We weren't on that shuttle- couldn't contact you- then we forgot, we didn't think... oh gods but I'm so sorry." He murmured in my ear. A part of me wanted more explanation than that. How the hell did they not think to contact someone before now?

The other part of me didn't care how the hell he had turned up here. It only cared that he was here with me again.

Alive.

I wanted nothing more than to just stay there and hold him- but he was shivering and I was aware that I was too. It was too cold to stay out on the beach.

"Inside," I said.

"Hospital," he countered.

"Nanites," I retorted. I felt him sigh.

"All right." His weight lifted off of me and he brought me to my feet with him. I leaned on him as he started talking to the medics. I didn't pay attention to what he said; I just let the sound of his voice wash over me.

Alive.

As I sat up, a blanket dropped over my shoulders. I turned my head. Sanura and my aunt stood there, more blankets in hand, looking like they firmly intended on wrapping me up in them. Trowa was helping Quatre to his and I could see the blonde was shivering still. I tugged the fabric around Duo and I.

"Inside," I said to them. "It's too cold out here."

It took a few minutes, but we headed towards the house soon enough. The medics left, soothed by Duo's promise that he would take me into a doctor if I showed any ill effects. Idun held on to my arm tightly as we walked towards the house, Duo was on my other side, his arm wrapped around my waist, my arm over his shoulders, leaning into me so that I could feel his warmth.

Quatre, Duo and I stripped out of our wet clothes, at Sanura's command, changing quickly into dry. Then Duo sat me firmly down on the couch and Idun proceeded to wrap me in blankets, despite my protests. I pulled Duo down onto my lap and he didn't protest. Idun went to make tea.

Sanura leaned over us, helping Duo to towel his hair dry.

"As soon as we're gone, hop in the shower," she told him. "It's all salty."

"Yes auntie," he teased.

I needed to talk to them.

Trowa had settled Quatre down on the bed and was holding him close. Quatre was still shivering despite his blankets and Trowa's arms.

"Is there a hotel nearby?" Trowa asked me quietly. "I think he needs a very hot bath."

Quatre snorted but I knew that he'd do what Trowa wanted.

"About fifteen minutes down the road. Bed and breakfast type place- hot tubs and all that." I nodded towards the phone. "Whitewater Inn, I think it's called."

"I'll call," Idun got to her feet. "Sanura and I need a place too."

"There's the futon," I offered halfheartedly. I did need to talk to Sanura and Duo, but...

"We'll come back tomorrow, nephew." Idun smiled. She was on the phone for a few minutes. I relaxed back into the sofa, arms loosely around Duo's waist, as he sat upright on my lap putting up with Sanura's fussing over his hair.

The coloring was all wrong- but the expressions- the smiles... was I wrong in my assumption? I didn't think so.

They all left a few more minutes after that and Duo proceeded to wrap himself around me.

"You're still cold." He scolded.

"You're still shivering." I said into his hair.

"Shower?" he suggested.

I got to my feet, bringing him with me.

As we stood in the warmth of the shower, I undid his hair for him and helped him wash it out. We hadn't been talking; I had simply been enjoying having him in there with me.

It was a total surprise when he suddenly turned on me, eyes dark, a lock of his wet hair smacking against my cheek, and hissed at me:

"How could you do that to us, you bastard?"

I reached out to him, but he knocked my hand away and I realized that he was close to tears. What thoughts had been going through his mind?

"I thought I had lost you."

"And so you decided to throw your life away? What about the others Heero? What about your aunt and Sanura? What about the guys?"

"I didn't decide anything," I told him honestly. "I just couldn't stand being at the funeral anymore, so I came here. And once I was here..." I shrugged helplessly. "It was too much Duo. There were just too many things here that reminded me of you."

"You couldn't have thrown them into the ocean instead?" He snapped.

He closed his eyes then and leaned back against the wall of the shower. I could see him taking deep breaths, trying to calm himself down.

I waited.

"Do you..." he paused and I waited. "Sometimes," he started again. "Sometimes I think you love me too much." His voice was tinged with something dark that I couldn't identify.

"I know I do." I countered flatly and his eyes opened in surprise. "Can you tell me how to love you less?"

"No," he answered after a long moment.

I turned off the water and got out of the shower. Duo obviously needed some space, as much as I hated to give it to him right now. I dried off quickly and left Duo alone in the bathroom.


	24. Ending

Disclaimer: Gundam Wing is not mine.

Thanks to the ladies of LJ for betaing and to everyone who reviewed!! To the person who asked about the nanites, they are a standard SF convention, we got the idea from Sluggy Freelance.

This goes back and forth between Heero and Duo. We start with Duo...

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I stood in the shower, thoughts in a whirl, letting the water run over me, eyes closed as Heero dried off and left the bathroom.

He knows me too well.

I leaned my head against the tiles and scolded myself. How could I get mad at Heero for doing what I know I would've done?

But- as we had stood there in the shower, his hands washing out my hair for me, I thought about how close he had come.

What if I hadn't found him out there when I did?

Or if we'd been delayed on the road?

Heero would've been another person who had died because they loved me.

Was I a jinx to everyone? Was I really Shinigami? Did I kill everyone I cared for?

Heero had other people who loved him. Other people who would be hurt if he died.

Somehow that thought made me angry. That one made me turn around and snap at Heero, driving him out of the bathroom.

As the water poured over me, I forced myself to think about it. Why had I lashed out at Heero?

The answer was easy.

I was scared. Scared that I had come so close to losing him.

I was jealous. Heero had family. I didn't. If he left me he'd still have someone that loved him. Heero was my family.

Oh, the other guys were too, but it wasn't the same.

I turned off the water and got out, drying myself off, my thoughts still in a jumble.

How could I go out and talk to Heero when I still couldn't makes sense of all of it myself?

I had to try though. I opened the door cautiously, towel wrapped around me, hair pulled back in a quick ponytail.

I had expected Heero to be on the couch, waiting for me. Instead I heard the soft noises coming from the laundry room and realized that he was giving me more time.

He knows me so well.

I hastily pulled on a pair of sweats, and tried to get my confused thoughts in order. Heero deserved some sort of explanation.

Wandering around the room, I began thinking of things to say to Heero...

Do you think I kill everyone I love?

Do you know how jealous I am of you because of Idun?

Do you think I love you too much?

I sat down at Heero's desk, bumping the mouse as I did so, resting my head in my hands.

His screen flared to life and I saw that he had left a text document up on the screen.

A note? He had left a note before he went and threw himself in the ocean?

It was addressed to Idun, and a part of me pointed out that Heero had given some thought to the ones he had been planning to leave behind.

I read the first paragraph.

Mother? My mother?

No...

But then why would..?

I read farther.

I was out the door, keys in hand before I could think about it.

The Whitewater Inn, was as Heero had said, only about ten minutes or so away. I don't remember any of the drive there. I just remember seeing the familiar car in the tiny parking lot and pounding on the door it was parked in front of.

For a moment I returned to my senses and wondered if I even had the right room- this might be Tro and Quat after all- or some other poor traveler.

Idun opened the door, her hair loose, obviously getting ready for bed. All the lights were on and I was a bit relieved that I hadn't woken them up.

"Duo?" She blinked at me. "What are you doing here?"

"Is everything okay?" Sanura appeared behind her, face pale and worried.

"Heero- I found a note that he left for you... He said... Sanura might be my mother..." I was babbling and I knew it. "There was something she said to him..."

Even in my confusion, I noted that they didn't look surprised.

"Duo," Sanura stepped around Idun and reached out a hand to me. "Come in kitten. It's cold outside and this might take a while."

She sat me down in a chair and took the one opposite me. Idun perched on the bed.

"I told Heero about my son who had been adopted by my sister and her husband. They died on L2 in a fire. At the time most of the colony news never reached Earth due to the strained relationship between them. It wasn't until long afterwards that I found a news article about a survivor of the fire, and by then it was impossible to track him down." She took a deep breath and looked at Idun.

"When I traced Heero to the Gundam pilots I started collecting data on all of you." Idun continued. "You roused my curiosity right away. Not only were you from L2, but-" she paused and I saw a slightly pained look cross her face.

"You look like your father." Sanura smiled faintly. "That is, if you are who I think you are. He has the same color hair, the same eyes- and I haven't seen many people with that color."

"Why didn't you say something when Heero and I first visited you?"

"Like I said, I wasn't sure. I didn't know how much you knew about your background and I didn't want to get my hopes raised for nothing. I was trying to sound you out, see what you remembered before I tried to explain anything." She stopped again and looked at me hopefully. "Do you remember anything?"

"I told Heero when he read me the news article on the fire that she had called me 'kitten' not 'kit'."

I remembered how carefully Heero had presented that article to me, worried about how I would take it.

That thought led to one that slapped me hard.

Heero.

Shit!!!

I lunged for the phone.

"Duo?" Sanura blinked at me.

"Heero and I had a-" I punched in the buttons quickly, "kind of an argument. He was giving me some space- I found the note and left without telling him."

Gods only knew what he'd be thinking!

I was so stupid!!

The phone began to ring.

Pick up the phone. Please pick up the phone!

Ring. Ring.

Dammit Heero! Answer!

Ring.

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My chest hurt, and guilt swept through me. I had driven him off. I knew how Duo felt about losing people close to him. I knew what he thought he did to those that loved him.

But I had survived. I always survived- isn't that why he admitted that he loved me in the first place?

I sat down on the sofa and wondered what the hell to do next. My eyes swept around the room one more time and I noticed something that I should've noticed the first time.

My computer screen was lit. I got to my feet and made my way over, wondering if Duo had left his note on it. I scanned the text document on the screen.

Crap. I had forgotten all about this!

I sank down in my computer chair and stared at the screen, my heart feeling a bit better, even as my guilt increased.

Duo must've read it. It more than likely was the reason he took off. If that was the case, then I could guess where he would go.

I got up and went to the phone. Duo would've easily have made it there by now. I didn't want to disturb whatever conversation he was having with Sanura and Idun- if he was there.

What if I was wrong?

I dialed Quatre's cell number.

"Hello?" Trowa answered, his voice soft.

"It's me." I sighed. "I'm sorry to wake you..."

"I was awake," Trowa reassured me. "Quatre's finally asleep though. Do you need talk to him, or will I do?"

Trowa's tone didn't change, but I got the impression that Trowa had been sitting up, watching over Quatre, and realized that Trowa had had his own scare tonight.

"You'll do," I told him. "I'm really sorry..."

How do you explain that you're sorry that you put someone else's lover at risk when they were preventing you from doing something stupid?

Trowa seemed to understand. "It's all right Heero. You didn't do anything I wouldn't do. Have done."

I remembered back during the war. Trowa put himself in harm's way when Quatre was crazed on the Zero system. I remembered him pleading with his lover to return to his senses.

Trowa understood.

"How can I help you?"

"This is going to sound really dumb, but can you look in the parking lot for me?"

"What am I looking for?" I heard a rustle of movement on the other end.

"Duo's car. He and I... had a bit of an argument and he took off. I need to know if it was because of what I did, or what he might've found."

"You know you are going to have to explain this to me better than that." I could almost see him roll his eyes. "Yes, Duo's car is here. Also, all the lights seem to be on in your aunt's room. Does that help?"

I took a deep breath, my worry easing a little.

"Yes it does."

I heard a sleepy murmur in the background and movement.

"Go back to sleep Quatre," I heard Trowa say softly.

"Who's on the phone?" Quatre demanded. Trowa must've moved closer to the bed, because I heard him clearly. "Did something happen?"

"It's Heero."

"Is something wrong? Duo's all... whirly."

Whirly? Well, that was an interesting term. But considering what Duo had discovered, I imagined he was.

"They're working it out. You go back to sleep. You're tired."

"Heero?" Quatre's voice was suddenly in my ear and I wondered how he'd gotten the phone from Trowa. "Is everything okay?"

"It will be fine, Quatre. Honest. Get some rest."

"Are you sure? You know I'm here if you need me."

I had to close my eyes for a moment.

"I know you are. We'll be fine. I just needed Trowa to check something for me." I lightened my tone. "So please, before Trowa decides to shoot me, go back to bed and get some rest, okay? We'll talk in the morning."

"If you're sure..." I heard a small 'oof'.

"Heero's sure." Trowa had evidently gotten the phone back. "Good night Heero. Call if you need us."

"I will. Thanks." I hung up before Quatre could get the phone back.

So, I now knew where Duo was. Did I stay here and wait for him to come home- or did I go there?

I grabbed my keys and headed out to the garage.

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I threw the phone down. Heero wasn't answering! What an idiot I was! I ran for the door, flung it open and found myself face to face with a startled Trowa his hand upraised to knock on the door.

"Evening Duo," he smiled.

"Trowa, move! Heero's..."

"On his way." Trowa finished. "He called a few minutes ago looking for you."

"He did?"

"Uh huh. You okay? Quatre said you were all whirly."

Whirly? I guess that described it.

"I'm fine," I took a deep breath. "I didn't wake Quatre up did I?"

"No, Heero did." Trowa shook his head. "Everything okay now?"

I thought about that for a moment. Heero was okay. I was okay. Heero had his aunt, I had my mom and we had good friends who didn't get too mad about being woken up over our emotional upheavals.

"Yeah," I grinned back. "Everything's fine."

"Good." Trowa mock scowled. "Then let's keep it that way, okay?"

"You got it." I grinned wider. "Hey Tro- wanna meet my mom?"

The surprised look on his face made me laugh out loud.

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I didn't go over the speed limit- much, on my way to the hotel. I parked the car next to Duo's, which was still there- much to my relief.

Duo answered the door when I knocked and flung himself into my arms.

"I'm sorry," he murmured in my ear. I hugged him back tightly.

"I'm sorry too."

"I just..." He paused.

"I know. I understand." I felt him take a deep breath.

"You always do." He pulled away a bit and looked into my eyes. I was relieved to see the mischievous sparkle come back into his. "Come in and meet mom."

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Six months later:

Val went running by, sand spraying up in her wake as she chased the frisbee. Sally laughed when Val brought it back and dropped it on Wufei's foot.

Trowa was standing by my barbeque keeping a careful eye on the hamburgers as Quatre stood nearby talking to Sophie and Angie.

Relena was under a large beach umbrella with Hilde and the baby; laughing as Marie told them some story that involved a lot of gestures.

My aunt and Duo's mom- how strange those words still sounded after all this time- were putting out plates and filling cups on the tables we had set up on the beach.

I watched all the activity from my place on the steps. The screen door banged behind me and I felt Duo's arms go around my neck.

"Why are you sitting over here by yourself? You said you'd share host duties with me when I suggested inviting everyone over for Sphere Unification day!"

I lifted his hand to my mouth and kissed it. The ring I had given him two months ago gleamed on his finger.

"We have a pretty nice family, don't we?"

Duo rested his head on my chin and I could see him looking around out of the corner of my eye, seeing what I saw.

"We do." He hugged me tight for a moment. "I love you."

"I love you too."

"Good. Then come help me carry all this stuff outside." He let me go, laughing. I got to my feet and caught him one more time, dropping a quick kiss on his lips before I let him lead me into the house.

I had Duo. I had my family, my friends and my dog.

What more could anyone ask for?

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Thanks for reading!! This is the end of Afterwards. Whew! And not a moment too soon, huh? Big hugs to everyone who stuck with me this long!!


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